Days of Our Lives
by HadenXCharm
Summary: Me and Yumichika's story was sad. We suffered, we spent a lot of time apart an' yearnin' for each other. It was… Dangit, my eyeballs are leakin'. If I find Yumichika, me and him'll stay out here with you until you find yer's too. Yer' our friend, after all. We know how bein' lonely is. C'mon, wipe my eyes and I'll wipe yours. Damn, Heaven's a sad place, ain't it?
1. Introduction

**Introduction. . . Every Day Has a Dawn**

* * *

_Soundtrack: Come Die With Me- William Control_

* * *

Masa ka… Hey… Hey, It's Ikkaku… No, over _here, _asshole… _Here,_ I said!

Holy hell, don't jump like that, baka. It's still me, na? I know, I know, stop starin' at me like that. I'm a _tri-spirit_, of _course_ I'm supposed to look like this. At least…. I dunno', I think so. Yer' not lookin' so hot yerself, so don't throw stones.

I know, right? _'Horrrra, this is what happens when you fight too much, Teme, ya' gotch'yerself hacked, didn'tcha'? N' now yer'_ dead. _ Told __ya' sooo. How did it get to this point, Ikkaku, what the hell happened to ya'?'_

I don't really know, myself, to be honest. I'm just gonna' keep walkin' this stupid, narrow-ass path, and hope one of these idiots has got a piece of my soul. Mou, ikusou.

Ugh, too fuckin' crowded.

I've been lookin' everywhere for 'im. I thought we were supposed to get here together. Zannen, ne? I don't understand why me and him got separated. That's what we were always told: After yer' third life, ya go away with yer' squeeze to be together fer' all eternity.

I think the portal's broken or som'th'n, cuz' everyone I've talked to here can't find theirs either. Everyone's gettin' torn apart again. Even after we' bin' through so much together.

Hm? No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Just dust. _Dust_, I said.

Yumichika, I meant. _Yumichika_. Sorry I confused ya'. I'm lookin' for _him._

I didn't think Heaven would be so damn _crowded_. Thought Hell'd be stuffy, but not this place.

Yumichika? Oh, he's here somewhere. It feels like I've been lookin' for him for_ever_, but m'not really sure. There's no such thing as time here, so I really _do_ got forever ta' look for him, I guess. I hope he's at least lookin' too, not foolin' around with someone. He always was a free spirit that way.

Iyada! Of course I don't really think that, what're ya', stupid? We're soul mates. _Soul mates_. Of course he's not makin' eyes at some other ghostie. 'Least he'd better not be.

Heh, I know he can't. It'd tear his pieces apart and he'd get recycled. 'N I know he loves me too, the little brat. The urge to find me must be insanely strong, just like mine is for him. I can't hardly sit down to rest without getting that unbearable itch. It's fuckin' annoyin'.

Hm? Oh, sorry. Okay, I'll get on with it. Yeah, we had a pretty nice life. Lives, I mean. Like a love story, almost.

Yaro! Don't gimme' that look… This is Heaven, I can be as sappy as I damn well want. Shut yer' stupid mouth. Heh, _No. _Shoganai.

I'm _supposed_ to be insanely, ridiculously, head-over flaming-heels in love with that idiot. He's my _soul_ mate. Didn'tcha hear that part?

Hm? Yeah… It was kinda' sad…

I really wish things hadn't ended like that…

Well that's how things were for us. Kowaii, ne? Always a little happy, but mostly lonely, morbid, an' creepy. Chill yer' _bones_ creepy.

Yeah. Scares me a little even here in this place. White everywhere, not a shadow in sight. Our lives were… There was something wrong about them. Somethin' off. Our fairytale went wrong.

Even if it ended happy a couple times it still seemed… Well I dunno'. Hm?... Okay, I guess if you wanna' listen.

Choudai, huh? A'right. I'll tell it, I s'pose… It's frickin' boring here anyhow. All these pillars n' gardens look the same. Nah, Hush. Ki ni shinaide.

This might be a love story, but it's not one of those fluffy, happy ones. In ours, we laugh an' we cry, and then we all die. Heh, yeah. Poetic and depressing. Even if we were a dragon and a princess, beauty and the beast, there's no dragon to kill or princess to save. It isn't as simple as that.

Well, because we both needed saving… and we both were dragons too. Abunai, ne? We were our own worst enemies. We were the villains, and each other's heros. We fight each other and we fight ourselves. Fuckin' confusing. It was sad and terrifyin'.

We always did have this habit a' making everythin' difficult.

Hm… Yeah… I'm cryin' a little. I didn't even notice. I just, I dunno'. Even though I got all three a' my pieces, all three a' my lives, I still don't feel… _whole_, ya' know?

Yeah, I guess you would. You lookin' fer' yers' too? … Okay, dumb question, that's what everyone's doin'. We can look together. Maybe Yumichika and him are travelin' together too, lookin' fer' us. Wouldn't that be funny?

It's kinda' weird bein' a tri-spirit. It's pretty lonely here. It's like I started all over again, but I'm just a little bit wiser. Ha-ha, shut up, I'm plenty wise. I meant that I'm lookin' for him again but I skipped the part where I didn't know I was supposed to be lookin' for him.

Everythin's clear now. I know what 'm s'posed to be doin' now. Lookin' for Yumichika. Let's go over there, there's less idiots floatin' around. Easier ta' see over there.

Keep walkin'… Kuso… Tsukaretaaa…

Eh, no. Just whinin'. Anyway, if I find him here in Heaven, then everything can finally go just how we want it to. No prelude, no drawn-out suffering, no awkward romantic tension, no cryin' or breakin' up or dyin'.

We can be happy forever. Soon as I find 'im.

It's a shame that I don't know where I am or where I'm supposed to look for 'im. I'm wonderin' if it's even possible.

Have you ever met any tri-spirits who found their other half? Eh, I guess you wouldn't know, yer' pretty new aren'tcha?

Hora, right there. Dumbass, not my finger, look where I'm _pointing. _That's the real Heaven. Right over there. You're only allowed to go through the gates to that Paradise place if ya' got your soul mate. And if someone ever did, they wouldn't stick around here to tell anyone. They'd just go be happy as quick as they could.

This place seems to extend forever, I wouldn't be s'prised if Paradesium is empty, n' everyone's out here lookin'.

It figurez'at me and him still'd be kept apart… We always did spend a lot of time bein' lonely. Kuso...

Shut up, I'm not cryin', these fuckin' tearducts don't work on this damn thing! Shut up, I said… Whad'ya mean I'm lying?!

Kamawanai… What does it matter, fine I admit it, I'm fuckin' crying, ya' stupid asshole.

I don't care anyway, yer' crying too… Yeah, I… I really… I missed ya'… So damn much… Can't believe I found ya' up here. Lucky as fuck, am I right? Aw, hey… Don't cry, don't cry.

C'mon, stop sniffling, yer' breakin' my heart. Nakanaide… There, there. I just… huh? I sounded like I did then?

Well of course I do, I'm still the same Ikkaku, aren't I? Don't look so sad. C'mere. Let's keep walking.

Me and Yumichika's story was sad too. We suffered, we spent a lot of time apart and yearnin' for each other. It was sad an' scary, an'… Damnit, my fuckin' eyeballs are leakin'.

Listen, If I find Yumichika, me and him'll stay out here with you until you find yer's too. Yer' our friend, after all. We know how bein' lonely is. We won't abandon ya'. Nakama, ne? _Kazoku_ da. We won't abandon ya', _promise._

C'mon, wipe my eyes and I'll wipe yours. Don't cry, don't cry so much, daijoubu da.

Damn, Heaven's a sad place, ain't it?

Makes my fuckin' heart ache an'… Yeah, I know… Yeah… It's heart breakin'. This is a really sad place. Loneliness is the worst feeling.

Okay, I'll tell it real slow, We got all the time in the world. I know that it'll probably keep us cryin', and it's really depressin' n' stuff, but a love story's just what we need. It's sad and sweet, n' scary too, but it's still a love story.

Just keep on walkin', I can't bear to stand still, an' I know you can't either.

Yeah, I missed you too Renji.

* * *

_Soundtrack: My Goodnight in Ashes- Shadow6Nothing9_

* * *

Is that… Hey, over here! Chouto matte!

It's me, It's Yumichika, C'mere! Oh my goodness, you look-… _No,_ I wasn't going to say ugly. My Goodness, I'm not _that_ rude. Well, not all the time. Yare, yare, let it drop, mou?

Are you looking for… What? Yes, oh, I suppose I am, just a little. They're just watering. It is quite lonely here, isn't it? But it's not so bad; Ii tenki, ne? It's okay, you don't have to do that. Just put your arm around my shoulder. Let's walk, hero.

Hayaku, hayaku, let's get out of the way and walk over in that clearing.

You know, it's kind of thrilling, even though we knew each other so well after so long. You were quite… oh my, I can't even describe it. You made everybody like you, you had a certain beautiful charm. There was an energy you had when you…

Oh, are you… Don't, don't cry dear, it's all right. Yes, memories are such painful things, aren't they? Just seeing your face makes my heart…

No, I'm not. I'm not, _Iyada_; stop trying to wipe my eyes. There's dust, I'm not crying. As if I would ever weep over… Don't, don't say his name, please.

You want to know what happened? It's not exactly a short tale. I suppose I'll tell you. It'd make our search seem to go faster. That is, if you do want to search with me? You do? Yatta, oh thank you, I won't bother you.

Of course, of course, it's simply _awful_ being so lonely here. Any familiar face makes you want to weep. Ikkaku just… I can feel this uncontainable urge, I remember feeling it before, back when… Yes, back then. I always knew I had to find something, but I didn't know what. It's the same feeling. I have to find him.

Ugh, how grotesque.

Oh my, are you frightened? Don't worry, they won't bother us, they're just haunted souls. Taihen. Tai_hen_...They never found their sweethearts, or perhaps they never admitted their feelings. They're still searching anyways... Awarena…

You know, It's really quite a sad place. Beautiful, but so desperately sad…

Yes, yes, I'll tell the story. It's really quite a beautiful tale. Sad and sweet. It isn't a short story, but I assume I'll complete it before we find… Don't cry dear, don't cry so much, you're hurting my heart.

We'll find them, we'll find them. I'm sure they're together, they were always such good friends. When I finish the story, you must tell yours. Fair's fair, and fair's beautiful. Don't… don't cry, shhh, no tears.

I sounded… like I did then?… Oh, don't shake like that, please. Yes, this is quite a heartbreaking place. Memories are quite torturous things. I can feel it through three different hearts, it's agony, isn't it?

It's alright, I'm alright, you don't have to wipe my tears. N- No, you're very kind when you don't have to act tough... You know, you always had the greatest drive of anyone, but... have you finally been broken down?

No. We shall not give up yet, ne? Let's keep going.

I'll probably cry through this whole tale, it's a sad and lonely thing, but it would be better than to forget. If you forget, you know what happens. You forget to find them, and you eventually rot right out of this place and get recycled.

I know you're newer here, but I… I've been here for quite some time, searching.

I'm not even sure if it's really possible… Getting into Paradesium. You're not just looking for your soul mate amongst seven billion. Isn't that how many people there are in the world now? No, you're looking for them amongst every person who has _ever lived._

The number is incalculable. _Colossal. _The only thing that could help you is luck or something.

Heaven is quite a sad place isn't it? Everyone's weeping so horribly… It seems so filled with despair; it's a shame that it's so beautiful here. It doesn't seem right.

Just keep following the path, we'll find them. Yes, I'll begin the tale. You're really quite a sweetheart, you know, I can see why you two are so right for each other. Here, dry your eyes, it's all right.

Of course, I miss him. The very thought of him is simply torturous, so I've been trying not to… not to mention… well now I _have _to mention him, now that I'll be telling our love story.

Don't let me trip, please. I'm so very tired, I'm exhausted, but I can't stop walking, I'll go mad with this itching running down my spine. He's… Ikkaku's… I can't…

Yes, we have one of those abnormal bonds… Very intense. It's almost unbearable, actually. I feel as though I'm going to burst into flames, I love him so much.

I remember when I first met him. It was so clear to me, that he was the one; At the time I was angry that I would be stuck with someone like him, but he knew too. He knew right away that I was meant for him. We as humans might not've known, but our souls knew. We recognized each other immediately.

We might not've known out loud, but subconsciously, we knew. As time went on, things got more difficult, sadder and… filled with loneliness. I tried to remember what we had in the beginning; I tried to remember what it was that I thought was worth suffering for…

He was so… full of… Oh, I don't even know how to… Yes, you know just what I'm talking about. He's quite the character. Full of fire and… Passion. Loyalty.

He was like this strange… Something… who couldn't contain his own energy. I always got the sense that he was torn somehow. He was a bit like you, he needed to save the people he loved. Except _he_ never could, and it drove him insane. He didn't know what he was doing, and it tortured him just thinking about it. In that way, I understood him.

And I loved him, I loved him, Oh, how I loved him. Oh no, I'm alright, I didn't mean to sob so horribly.

I just, this place is nearly unbearable for me… I feel as though I shouldn't even exist if I'm not in his arms. It's torturous… Love is torturous.

I'm so very lonely without him.

Perhaps I _do_ need someone to wipe my eyes. Thank you, you're very kind.

It's so good to see you, Ichigo.


	2. Author's Note - Index

**"This is going to be the only Author's Note until the very end of the story, So Please Read it," **Haden shouts at the reader. She cups her hands around her mouth and grins, "I promise there will be no more of them until I post the 'Omake' page at the very end,"

She toes the ground embarrassedly, and the air around her seems to dust pink, "If anyone would like to read it, that is." Blinking, she drags Ikkaku out from behind the poster he was looking at by his shirt. He shouts and clings to Yumichika, screeching something about creators bein' fuckin' _nuts._ Yumichika ignores him. "To make it more fun, I'll have Ikkaku read it. Yumichika too."

Yumichika huffs, walking over next to Haden. He bats Ikkaku's hands off of him, mumbling about the negative aesthetic qualities of jumpiness. "I know people don't like to read Author's Notes, so if I make it entertaining like this, then you'll read it for sure, ne?" Haden smiles, "The whole point of you reading this story is so you can play with Yumi and Ikka-chu." Ikkaku snorts, crossing his arms.

"So why _not_ have them read it?... Except… Oh… If you already have an idea what it's about, then…." Haden looks over at the two warily.

She puts a hand to the side of her mouth as if telling a secret, "These two don't do well with spoilers, so if I leave them alone with you, you've gotta promise not to tell. Neither of them know what kind of story they're doing yet. Don't tell them!" She then prances off to the edge of the large white room, exiting to the kitchen.

"Tch'. I don't like it. This fuckin' place gives me the creeps." Ikkaku insists. "_Maa_, Yumichika?" Yumichika does not answer him. Ikkaku grumbles to himself a little, looking around with a little paranoia, "I hate the concept room. 'Can never tell where the walls are."

"There's only walls if you want there to be." Yumichika beams, taking Ikkaku by the wrist over to the first of a row of 'typical flame' posters. "Ikkaku, over here, read _this_ poster first."

"Oh….. What?" Ikkaku blinks owlishly, scratching the bottom of his foot. Yumichika taps his foot on the ground, crossing his arms.

"Just read it, Ikkaku. Don't be a stick in the mud." He picks at his fingernails, raising his eyebrows haughtily, adding, "Mud is ugly."

"Fine, I'm doin' it!" Ikkaku shouts, throwing his hands up.

"Good." Yumichika says, pressing the button on the front of the poster

**"The hell is wrong with the story?" **The poster booms, frightening Yumichika enough that he falls backwards onto his butt, 'eeping' a little.

"Oh my god, that scared me. That was really loud!" He stumbles to his feet as gracefully as one _can_ stumble to their feet. He shivers, breathing out indignantly.

"Geez, don't get so ruffled, Yumichika. It's a speaking poster. It's got some idiots voice recorded in it." Ikkaku runs a hand over his face, as if he could wipe the surprise off of it. He acted tough, but he had nearly frickin' pissed his pants. This room freaked him out.

"Wait, what did it say? What the hell is wrong with the story?" Yumichika raises his eyebrows, smiling sourly, "How unsightly."

Ikkaku screws up his face, shouting at it. "The fuck dy'a mean by that, you idiot poster? Don't get in my face!" He begins pacing, explaining hotly, reading from the bottom of the poster.

"Nothing's wrong with it! She put a lot of time and effort into this story, which is all a product of 'er concussed, bed-ridden mind. She got hurt real bad a few months ago, and she hasn't bin' able ta' go ta' school. So at times, it's a little short n' choppy, n' not like a story at all."

He then squints, reading the last sentence, "Well, then again, it's Ikkaku tellin' it, so a' course it wouldn't be perfect." He scowls. Yumichika rubs his mouth, shaking violently with silent giggles.

"Hah. Shut up, Yumi."

Yumichika peeps his head over Ikkaku's shoulder, "What you might mean by 'what the hell's wrong with it'… as you so eloquently put it, talking billboard…. Well you might be referring to how compartmentalized it gets sometimes."

Yumichika twists his mouth, fluffing his hair, "She explained a _little bit_ to us what this story was, and it _does _seem a bit strange to turn a fanfiction into a story, a play, and a script all in a row like it's going out of style."

"I can explain that," Ikkaku says quickly.

"Can you?" Yumichika eyeballs him, grinning with a little 'butt-squeezing' motion. Ikkaku slaps his arm, with his signature 'you're-such-a-fuckin'-pervert' face.

"Shut up! Of course I can…. Uh… Well…" He scratches the back of his head, biting his lip, "Mayb- Oh, Cue card…. How lucky is that?" It appears on the floor a little ways from them. They had always known that the concept room was a little weird, but it still freaked them out even now.

"As lucky as you, I suppose," Yumichika says slowly, looking at the spot where the card had appeared. He bites his lip for a moment, glancing around.

"Can you get me some water?" Yumichika asks curiously. They hear a splash, and then turn around to see a glass rolling on its side, a puddle on the ground, "Oh, ha-ha." He says before giggling a little.

"Hey, it's her sense of humor. Ya' shoulda' expected that." Ikkaku picks up the cue card with some difficulty, due to his large fingers.

He holds it close to his face, scrunching up his eyes, "Damn, Haden, You've got some… Tiny writing…" He struggles for a few more moments before saying, "Fuck it, I can't read this. Yumichika, you do it."

"Fine. I read much more beautifully anyways."

"Che'." Ikkaku says hotly, with his back turned so that Yumichika couldn't see his smile.

"This is meant to be a combination of a screenplay, a memoir, and a fairytale love story." Ikkaku blushes a little, kicking the ground. Yumichika smiles, adding, "How beautiful," before continuing on.

"This was originally just a group of drabbles… She wanted to do one of those 50 themes fictions… and it grew into something much, much larger and more complex… See next poster."

Ikkaku walks over to him again, "There, Yumi, press the next button." Yumichika leans as far away from the talking billboard as he can, before pressing the button.

**"Don't make me love it and leave it. Are you ever gonna finish it?" **Ikkaku jumps a foot in the air, even though he had been expecting the noise. Yumichika's hair is blown back, and his eyes pop open wide.

"Gah! Where the hell is it even coming from?!"

Yumichika coughs, waving a hand in front of his face. "Ugly-smelling breath."

"Smells like troll!" Ikkaku pipes up. "Hmm. Love it and leave it, huh?"

"How crass. Well at least you didn't say 'hit it and quit it', I _despise_ that phrase." Yumichika says snootily, reading from the print on the bottom of the poster. "To answer your question, gigantic talking poster, it will _absolutely_ be finished, and chapters will be posted every week or so. She understands that people hate getting into a good fanfiction and then having to suffer because it was abandoned."

Ikkaku presses the next button, kicking the damn thing when it was louder than the rest of the posters.

**"What the hell's with all these Soundtrack thingies I keep seeing?"**

"Don't be so rude, stop cursing." Yumichika says, crossing his arms.

"Here's the next card, Yumi."

"Hm, Hm, Hmmmm…" Yumichika's eyes scan the card, "Oh, The Soundtracks that are included are meant to be background sound, and are meant to be listened to one time through, unless otherwise specified. They really add a lot of emotion. She underlined that **the soundtracks are very important. Don't be lazy.** Just click a couple times and open up a new tab and listen to the songs while you read. They won't distract you, as they're meant to be listened to at a very low volume, just enough to be background noise."

Ikkaku gets real close to Yumichika, reading over his shoulder, "Damn, Yumi, how can you even read her writin' so good?"

Yumichika wrinkles his nose, glancing at him, "Stop breathing in my face, Ikkaku, back up, I'm trying to read."

"Geez." Ikkaku holds his hands up and backs up a little.

"The feel of this story is supposed to be like a depressing movie, or a Shakespearean tragedy, or one of those morbid little screenplays. Sounds quite beautiful… Certain sequences of dialogue seem lighthearted without the music, and that is not the intention. The whole 'play' is meant to be creepy, down-laden with emotion, and depressing. Certain little bits have a more upbeat track, which indicates hope or fleeting happiness."

Yumichika turns to Ikkaku, looking faintly disturbed, but tried to sound lighthearted anyways, "Well, Ikkaku it certainly sounds like we're in for quite a bit of heartache..." Ikkaku grunts, arms crossed, blushing furiously. Yumichika shoves him. "Don't just grunt, say something!"

"No." He says, pouting like a child, cheeks blending in perfectly with his pink tattoos.

"Well." Yumichika puts his hands on his hips, stomping his foot, "Wh.. Oh?" Haden pokes her head in through the door leading to the hallway, "She wants to read this bit herself."

Ikkaku frowned, "Hade- Huh? … What the hell do we gotta' cover our ears for?"

"Just do it, Ikkaku. The audience is waiting."

"Fine."

Haden cracks open a can of lemonade, noisily eating some pita chips, "Hey, back from the fridge. I couldn't let them listen because they don't know what's supposed to happen yet and I'm gonna' talk about it a little. They don't do well with 'spoilers'. Ah, Yes. The music." She walks around behind them, kicking up her feet, swirls of color splattering and dancing over the white walls of the room before fading away.

"Most of the time the tracks are just background sound, and the lyrics don't mean anything, but sometimes they are extremely symbolic, and even worm their way into the 'script'. So look out for the little hints." Haden sits down, crossing her legs. A large orange circle appears beneath her, growing over the floor before stopping. A smaller green circle grows beneath her lemonade as it is set down. The floor groans beneath her, and she tosses it a pita chip. The floor seems to fold right over it and then flattens out, taking the chip with it.

"Yeah, the concept room's weird. This is where I do all of my creating and storyboarding. Anyways, For example, in Life Two, Act 3, the song lyrics of 'Anastasia' are directly referring to Ikkaku's loss of Yumichika to Hisagi." She glances at the two who are making fish-kiss faces at each other with their ears covered.

"You can see why I wouldn't want him to hear that, he'd be pissed off." Haden hangs her head, "And yes, I included a _Taylor Swift_ song. Normally I don't really care for her, but 'Teardrops on my Guitar' truly is beautiful and heart wrenching, symbolizing Ikkaku's heart being twisted and pulled, watching Hisagi kiss Yumichika."

She stretches out her legs, clapping her hands against the floor, and a miniature, full-color landscape seems to explode from under her fingers. A mini Ikkaku and a mini Yumichika are seen holding hands, before everything goes grey and wilts, turning white again.

"An example of the lyrics not meaning everything is the song 'You know I'm no good'. Obviously, the lyrics are about the singer cheating on her man, and in the story that wasn't going on. The background music of the song is just perfect for the scenes that it's in." Drumming her fingers on the ground, a few notes of the song plink along, large yellow spikes digging their way out of the floor, before popping back into place.

"Mostly, the music keeps the mood, and it's sorely needed, just like an action film needs explosions. So basically, **don't whine, just listen to it**. You don't even have to pay attention to the music while it's playing. Just let yourself feel what ya' feel, n' stuff. It really makes the story a heartbreaker." Haden smiles, getting up.

"**Any smut? It's rated M, don't let me down. Tell me what kind of messed up shit is in here."**

"Oh you guys are really _in_ for it." Haden smiles. "I fit in three or four smut sequences. Besides that, the messed up shit entails 'Alcohol abuse, violence, death, and rape.' That's it for the warnings. You've been warned once, and you won't be warned again. And if I have to tell you this is a boy-boy pairing story, then you won't be insulted if I tell you you're a little slow."

She starts to walk away, and little raindrops seem to coat the ground where she steps.

"Okay Ikkaku, you can read again. Be back in a minute, you guys." Ikkaku fist pumps the air.

"Yes! I'm great at this!" Yumichika balls up on the floor laughing, "Ey'! What're you laughing at? Shut up so I can read!"

A voice blasts through the room again, "**Disclaimer, aren't'cha gonna do that?"**

"Well fuck you too, she didn't forget." Ikkaku says sourly, reading the poster. "Of course, she doesn't own Bleach…. It's not like we're her slaves or anything… She… bla bla bla, doesn't own any of the music enlisted in the soundtrack." He then stops short for a moment.

"Oh wait, but she _does_own the short poetry sequences includedwithin, so **please do not repost them anywhere**." Ikkaku turns serious then, "She's really protective over her rhymes. She's got hundreds and she like… cringes away from posting them on the internet because she's terrified of havin' 'em stolen."

Yumichika rolls over on the floor, stretching out on his back, tickling Ikkaku's ankle. "Yes, Poetry is beautiful. Her rhymes are precious things, so please respect them." Ikkaku kicks at his face halfheartedly before sitting down near him.

Haden re-enters, stylus in her hand, "Back." She begins writing on the floor, tiny letters slowly growing on the floor like computer code. "Okay, you guys, go get ready, I'm gonna read the rest." They look at her blankly, "You need to start getting ready, the shows gonna' begin soon."

Ikkaku nods, "A'right, see ya' later then." He walks ahead of Yumichika, instinctively reaching a hand back to take Yumichika's and lead him away.

"Ja!"

"Goodbye, Haden." Yumichika takes her snack after she offers it to him, sipping her lemonade and walking after Ikkaku.

Haden lies on her stomach, idly kicking the ground behind her once. A voice blasts around her, until she rolls a knuckle on the ground to turn down the volume.

**"What was up with that opening sequence**_, you're not making it sound like it has anything to do with_the actual story?"

"If the opening sequence - Pardon me - the _Introduction_ chapter, was a little confusing, I can clear that up right now." She draws a sketchy little scene with stick figures and a big line indicating the ground, and the picture turns into an elaborate storyboard with Yumichika and Ikkaku on the opposite ends of a huge white landscape filled with pillars, gardens, and other colorless figures.

"Yumichika and Ikkaku are on opposite sides of heaven, endlessly searching for each other. The only way they feel that they can ease some pain from their souls is by sharing their memories with their traveling companions; Because if they forget, ultimately they die. This is our context." She tosses the board into the air, and it wisps away.

Haden roughly draws some curtains, and a stage, and a big circle where the spotlight's supposed to be. "Everything that comes after this, the entire 'play' gig, is them telling the story of their lives, i.e., the Days of Their Lives. The end of each act/scene will have either a short little screenplay of the next act/scene, or a little sequence of them talking."

She hits the ground with her heel again, and this time she doesn't mind the volume.

**"I can't see the incredibly detailed and beautiful movie poster/picture that this fanfiction has!"**

She draws a square next to the stage, and up pops the movie poster.

"If you wish to view the vintage-style movie poster that I made especially for this fanfiction up close, you can view it on my deviant art page, HadenXCharm is my username. (I know that little box next to the fanfiction description is pretty small and hard to read.) Yes, I did the art for it myself, so please do not repost it without permission. The original piece is also posted there, along with many other pictures that go with the story."

She begins drawing seats, and an aisle, slapping her hands against the ground for color.

**"Give a Quick Overview."**

"Life One is them meeting in a cancer ward. It's short, fleeting, and is meant to seem very pointless, like it was over too quickly. Life Two, is the bleach canon of course, and I made a concerted effort to stick as closely to it as I could. Life Three is them in high school and college. It will be told differently, mostly from Ikkaku's point of view."

She smiles a little sadly, dimming the lights by sliding her palms together on the ground. "At the start of Part three, Yumichika had become too tired to speak and tell much of his side of the story, needing Ichigo to practically carry him."

Clicking a finger on the newly carpeted floor, the last question rings out, "**Some of these things actually are kind of funny."**

She turns right towards the source of the voice, looking straight at the speaker. "There _are_ some funny, happy things included." She smiles, eyes flicking towards the maroon curtains covering the dark stage.

"But just like The Disney movie of Alice and Wonderland, if we throw in little speckles of humor, we can make even the most morbid, disturbing material seem light-hearted." As she exits through the side door, her footprints seem dark and messy, like she had stepped in paint.

Poking her head back out through the door, she grins sunnily, "Please leave some reviews, I would really love them! And let me know if you would like the extra sequences to be included, (The 'Encores' in the Index list)"

She leaves, the lights dim, and the spotlight flickers onto the empty stage. Her voice whispers from all directions, "And now…. Begin."

* * *

[[Program.]]

**DAYS OF OUR LIVES:**

**Starring: **_Our favorite Beauty and Beast,_

_Yumichika A. and_

_Ikkaku M._

**. . . A Three Part Production . . .**

* * *

**INDEX:**

**Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
****Author's Note/Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
****Soul Documentation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

**Life One. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

-Act I: Make My Day, and Don't Give Up On Me, or Give Me Away

-Act II: Plain as Day, We're Simply Meant To Be, or is it 'Meant to Die?'

**Life Two. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

-Act I: Today is the First Day of the Rest of your Life, Try to Enjoy It, Even Though Misery Requires Company.

-Act II: Glory Days, They Were Ours; Oh Please, Let's Go Back to That.

-Act III: Days Passing us By.

-Act IV: Seize the Day, Or Die Regretting the Time You Lost

-Act V: Today, We're Married Assholes

**Life Three. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .**

-Forward-

-Act I:  
_Scene 1:_ Plain as Day  
_Scene 2: _It's a Beautiful Day

-Act II:  
_Scene 1:_ All in a Day's Work  
_Scene 2_: Not Enough Hours in the Day to Love you, Darling.

-Act III:  
_Scene 1: _The Day I First Met You, You Told Me You'd Never Fall In Love.  
_Scene 2: _Give Me the Time of Day, Before the Day You Die

-Act IV:  
_Scene 1:_ From Day One, I Loved You, Now Make My Day and Kiss Me.  
_Scene 2: _Day In. Day Out.

-Act V/ Closing Act: The Days of Our Lives Are so Fleeting.

**Encore: [**_May never be finished_**] (Please vote in Review)**

Life Two:

-Act IV-V:  There's No Difference Between My Daydreams and My Nightmares Anymore

(After a sexy young woman that Rangiku and Yumichika used to know makes a pass at Ikkaku, everyone thinks that they slept together. Can Ikkaku prove that he did no such thing? Meanwhile, Ikkaku has no idea what actually happened that night. How will things turn out for our lovers?)

-Act VII:

_Scene 1: One of These Days, We'll Dust Our Family Portrait_

_(_Short sweet little stories of Ikkaku and Yumichika becoming parents! However, Yumichika suffers massive brain trauma and begins to suffer a rapidly deteriorating mental state. Will he survive?)

_Scene 2: __A Day Late and a Dollar Short of Keeping our Family Breathing_

_(_An inordinate amount of time in the future. Ikkaku and Yumichika now have eight children, and are living a not so quiet, domestic lifestyle, along with their duties as joint-captains. When Yumichika gets a bump on the head and his mental state begins to wither once again, he begins to forget that he ever had children, even that he and Ikkaku ever became a couple. Can they Fix him?)

**Special Features: **Omake page: Extras, Hints, References, Leftover tidbits.

* * *

**_Hurry and see the greatest tragedy in a century!_**

* * *

_Soundtrack: Spell – Marie Digby_

* * *

I first met him in a cancer ward. I know, shitty opening really. Seemed doomed from the start, but there he was, on the other side of the lobby, holdin' a lemonade and a pack a' bubble gum… glowin' n' shit.

Gimme' that, I gotta blow my nose.

Loved 'im the moment I saw 'im, even though he was a snotty little brat, n' made fun a' me. I… even though I knew right away that it was _him, _ I fuckin' lost my temper an'… well you'll see. He was… There was something that made me want him. He was like the breath a' god in that place.

He was fulla' charm… Like magic fuckin' fairie dust. Only thing that could'a made me fall for someone so rude and cold'z… A magic spell.

He was the… most beautiful thing.


	3. Soul Documentation

_Soundtrack: Walking on Air – Kerli_

* * *

**Textbook 00975829**_ ' The Human Soul for Idiots: All you need to know to become a record keeper for all of eternity!'_

_Pg. 71. The basics of Konso:_

_'Similar to cats, Human souls have more than one life. Rather than nine lives, Human souls are used thrice before they are recycled: twice in the human world, once in the land of the dead.'_

_Pg. 83. Life specifics:_

_'Souls are granted shinigami powers in their second life if they had an unusual or brutal death in their first life. Those with shinigami powers pass on to the third life with either Hollow sight, high awareness to their past life, or have a similar persona to their second life (i.e., identical appearance, similar likes and dislikes, similar friends, similar name, or an inner voice that is akin to their past zanpakutou). One of the reasons that shinigami aren't allowed to associate with humans directly is because you might find someone you once knew, or even your doppelganger.'_

_Pg. 86. Soul recycle:_

_'New souls are created when two heterosexual soul-mate spirits mate in their third life (Adult stage) and conceive a child._

_Pg. 109. Soul continuity:_

_'Since there is no such thing as time between the worlds, the three lives can coexist, or overlap. Life one could take place partially at the same time as the second or third, because souls have no concept of time. This is why they are often reborn with their friends or families souls, no matter how far apart their death dates may be.'_

_Pg. 85. Life specifics/ Soul recycle:_

_'After their first death, souls hold onto the grudges and strong feelings of the past, but almost always forget everything about their past lives. If they remember anything, it's just an urge that they can't explain to visit a certain place or be drawn to certain people._

_After their second death, they usually retain their names, and find themselves drawn to similar situations that their second life had brought. This is where the déjà vu' feeling comes from, or the feeling that you've known someone longer than you have. You are drawn to your friends from your past life. Souls are often stuck between lives until their friends pass on as well, and are reborn together._

_After their third death, the souls are recycled and re-used. Their memories and experiences are extracted and combined as tri-spirits. Their tri-spirits are merged and they go to heaven or hell at this point with their soul mate(s), were they lucky enough to meet.'_

_Pg. 217. Tri-Spirits:_

_'Tri-Spirit: The physical manifestation of the three lives' spirits combined, after they are broken apart from their bodies, collected, recombined, and sent to either heaven or hell. They have the combined knowledge, emotions, and personalities of all three lives. They select a single name, and an appearance that occasionally flickers and changes between their personas.'_

_Pg. 219 Tri-Spirits:_

_'The portal to Heaven has been broken for quite some time, which has resulted in Tri-Spirits pouring in and being separated from their soul mate. Unlike their previous lives, their drive to find eachother is all-consuming, and unbearable, as they know that they were not meant to be separated again.'_

_' It seems that the gate's entry code was changed as well, as Tri-Spirits are only able to enter Paradesium if they have their soul mate with them. Some Tri-Spirits wander endlessly and simply waste away. Others are driven mad by their bonds.'_

_'With the knowledge of their past lover(s), they are consumed with the urge to look for them and complete their bond of eternal love in the Paradise City beyond Heaven's gate.'_

_Pg. 318. Soul Mates:_

_'Soul mates can be found through a parent-child relationship, a sibling relationship, or a friendship, but the most common, and strong, is the lovers-complex.'_

_Pg. 405. Soul mates/ Closing Notes:_

_'True soul mates find each other in all three lives.'_

* * *

_Soundtrack: One Day in August – Marc Teichert_

* * *

**Soul Records** [Identification Notice] _{Concerning the souls on records 0001156879208570 and 0000012874548800, (Current Living Soul pair #2,100,897,422)}_

_[This Document has not been recently updated, and records cannot be taken accurately]_

Side Notices:

.

-The souls in question have an abnormally strong bond, and have an abnormally high rate of remembrance and recall.

-The souls in question have a male/male lover's relationship, and never deviate from it.

-The souls in question became shinigami at one point.

.

Information regarding the souls in question:

.

_Life one: Living World. Birth Phase._

Aki Akatsuki: Son of Yuusuke Akatsuki, CEO of Hana no Osaka Hospital. History of cancer and anxiety disorders as a child.

Family: Father. Older Sister.

Occupation: Beginnings of an acting career, Part-time Nurse.

ID: Rare genetic mutation of the eye, causing violet iris. Small Build. Black hair. Male. 19-25.

Criminal Record: No outstanding crimes.

Children: None.

Cause of Death: Plane Crash/ Snapped Neck/ Carbon Monoxide poisoning.

.

Kaito Makoto: Cancer patient of Hana no Osaka Hospital. Diagnosed with Leukemia at Sixteen years old. Undiagnosed mental illness. Received Chemotherapy treatments up until the death in question, which was unrelated to the illness. History of Cancer in the family.

Family: Mother.

Occupation: Terminal ward patient. Part time street fighter.

ID: Shaved head owing to cancer radiation. Pink tattoos on and around eyes. Large build. Dark Iris. Male. 20-23.

Criminal Record: Theft of Hospital Records.

Children: None.

Cause of death: Gunshot to the head/Plane jacking.

.

_Life two: Soul Society. Child Phase._

Yumichika Ayesegawa: Shinigami. Retired Fifth seat of the Eleventh Division. Co-Captain of the Eighth Division. Formerly and rather covertly known as the Princess of the Rukongai. Infamous for former escort services.

Family: No known living family.

Occupation: Former Escort/ Prostitute, Current Shinigami.

ID: Black Hair. Violet Eyes. Small build. Male.

Soul animal: Peacock. Ruri'iro Kujaku.

Criminal Record: Involuntary Manslaughter, Forgery, Theft of property, Prostitution, Carrying a Concealed Weapon, Harboring a Criminal, Accomplice to a Crime.

Children: Eight living, One deceased.

Cause of death: Currently Living.

.

Ikkaku Madarame. Shinigami. Retired Third seat of the Eleventh Division. Co-Captain of the Eighth Division. Formerly from Rukongai, infamous for his fighting prowess and blood lust.

Family: No known living family.

Occupation: Former Street Fighter, Current Shinigami.

ID: Burnt scalp due to unknown circumstances. Pink facial markings. Black eyes. Large build. Male.

Soul Animal: Dragon. Hozukimaru.

Criminal Record: Manslaughter, Murder, Homicide, Grievous bodily harm, Bodily Assault, Affray, Threats of Harm, Obstruction of Justice, Disruption of the peace.

Children: Eight living, One deceased.

Cause of death: Currently Living.

.

_Life three: Living World. Maturity Phase._

Yumichika Arikawa: Struggled with self-harm, depression, and an anxiety disorder until his adolescence. All family but sister estranged. Bi-polar disorder, and anxiety disorder reappearance. Other undiagnosed mental disorders.

Family: Older sister, Brother in Law, Baby Niece. Estranged Mother, Father, Brother, and Secondary family members.

Occupation: High school/college student, department store cashier, Acting Career.

ID: Black Hair. Green eyes. Small Build. Male. 17-20.

Soul Animal: Exotic Bird.

Criminal Record: Failure to report a crime. Obstruction of Correspondence. [Pardoned/ Juvenile Crimes]

Children: None

Cause of death: Undetermined.

.

Ikkaku Maruyama: From upper-middle class family. Became semi-famous for his Professional Fighting.

Family: Father, Mother, Younger Sister. Aunt, Uncle, Identical Twin Girl Cousins.

Occupation: High school/college student. Famous Fighter.

ID: Shaved head. Dark Iris. Pink eye tattoos. Large build. Male. 19-21.

Soul Animal: Dragon.

Criminal Record: Vandalism, Obstruction of Justice, Disturbance of the Peace, Resisting Authority, Violent protest. [Pardoned/ Juvenile Crimes]

Children: None

Cause of death: Undetermined.

.

Footnotes:

-Souls linked closely with those of Kira Izumi, Araki Renji, Hisagi Shuuheii, Iba Monzaisu, Masatsu Rangiku, Moritachi Momo, Kurosaki Ichigo, Zaraki Kensuchi, and Kuzamachi Yachiru. Third life Rebirth dates are very similar, except in the two latter cases.

- Lives are very similar to one another, as well as their appearances and names. Many recurring symbols.

.

Date of Tri-Spirit Merge: Not Yet Available

Date of Soul Recycle: Not Yet Available.


	4. Life One: Act I, Make My Day

_[Silence for a few moments. Loud squeal of tires, and the sound of a woman crying in the distance]_

_Unknown Actor: (Clears throat, then coughs, clearing throat once more)_

_[Two spotlights shine on opposite ends of the stage. Enter Actor 1 and Actor 2.]_

_Unknown Actor: (Sound of someone blowing their nose, then a sniff)_

_[Backs to the audience. For a moment they stand there, letting the silence build, before they walk towards eachother, merging the spotlights.]_

_Unknown Actor: (Soft breathing)_

_[Slowly, the lights come on, illuminating the stage.]_

* * *

I suppose the beginning is like any other. Isn't that what people say, Ichigo?

I don't know how the saying goes anymore. But there we were. That was always how we met. Brought together by death, and our wills to live.

He was the patient, I was the wayward son of the hospital's CEO. Our love affair was short, sweet, and very, very sad.

* * *

**Life One: Act I – Make My Day, and Don't Give Up on Me, or Give Me Away**

* * *

_Soundtrack: She Loves __Me, She Loves Me Not - She Wants Revenge_

* * *

Kaito rolled a lollipop in his mouth, taking out one of his headphones. He began eyeing the pretty guy in the corner, giving him that once-over that he'd always seen perverts do. Kaito finally knew what they meant by 'a sight for sore eyes', because this guy was so damn beautiful that it made him ache a little.

Kaito hated to admit it, but he was a hopeless romantic. Even though he looked tough, aloof and _punk, _he was really, really, _pathetic_ that way. There was a _lot_ of things about him that broke that tough-guy stereotype. He liked to read, even though he was dyslexic, he loved candy and junk food, and when he drank, it was really 'wimpy' _fruity_ drinks, and he also had a particularly soft heart. He was sensitive and lonely inside; loud and rough on the outside, not at all like a tough guy should be.

He was reminded of that side of himself when he looked at the guy again, who was casually sipping his lemonade and tapping on his phone. Kaito's heart just squeezed _really_ violently all of a sudden and he almost gasped, rubbing his stomach a little to ground himself.

Seeing that boy over by the vending machine next to the hospital lobby's counter was like something out a movie or a book, where the guy just sees her there and immediately knows, _it's her_.

_The one._

The books and movies had described the feeling pretty well because all of a sudden his scabbed, scarred knees were weak, and he was feeling warm and cold all at once, and he felt like he was going to choke on his own spit.

The guy curled his hair behind his ear, crossing his thin arms. He had on a red turtleneck and one of those expensive, short trench coats; bright purple pins adorned his hair, and his eyelashes were so long that it should be a crime.

Suddenly, Kaito was sweating and biting at his lip, because holy shit, he was so classy, and graceful, and everything that Kaito_ wasn't_. He saw a flash of light from where his piercings had reflected the ceiling lights. He rolled up his sleeves, cheap-rubber, concert-wristbands sticking to his arms.

The guy arched an eyebrow, leaning back against the wall, and holy shit, he was just _perfect_. Kaito felt weak in the knees and his forehead was sweating and he was biting a hole in his lip. What the hell, what the _hell._

Kaito wouldn't be any good for him, would he? Did he even have a chance?

Should he even bother?

Kaito looked over at the guy again and shoved his hands in his pockets, shrugging the hood of his jacket down. He twisted the sucker in his mouth once, and then scuffed his shoe against the black tiles of the floor. After quickly fixing his mohawk in the window by the front door, he started walking across the lobby.

Here goes nothing.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis_

* * *

Kaito and his mom stood in the elevator of the hospital, getting ready for their Chemo-consultation. He was jittering nervously. He had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. His poor mother was worse off than him; he was all she had left. Kaito ruffled his hair in anxiety, hoping that this wouldn't be the last time he saw it.

"Dear, did you have to get those tattoos?" She wiped at the pink marks under her son's eyes, and Kaito knew she was only doing this to relieve her anxiety, so he allowed it for a few moments, "I just don't understand the allure of pink eye shadow." Okay, not _that._

"Mom, it's _war paint_!" he snapped, batting her hands away from his face, not wanting to explain to her that they were in honor of his aunt, who had lost her fight to cancer a few months prior, "Please, stop Mom, Aki Akatsuki's gonna' be getting on here any second." He ran his hands through his hair and straightened up, leaning back against the cool wall of the elevator.

"Kaito Makoto, how on_ earth_ do you even _know_ the owner's son?" she asked skeptically.

"He was at the support meetings. He must've had cancer when he was little or somethin'."

Maiko tapped her foot on the ground for a few moments, and then it clicked. "That was that boy who- Ohh!" She huffed in frustration. "My goodness." She crossed her arms. Kaito tried to appease her, and she agreed rather cynically that okay, _yes_, she would give herself another first impression of the boy who had dumped a drink over her son's head.

The elevator door opened. Kaito grinned like a maniac, like she'd never seen him grin before.

She just stared at him. Her son didn't smile much, hadn't in a long long time, and _especially_ not lately, now that he was coming to terms with the fact that he had a terminal illness.

But here he was grinning like an absolute _maniac… _Maybe-

"Hey, Aki!" Kaito's mom rolled her eyes as the son of the hospital's CEO stepped into the small enclosed space.

She couldn't help but notice that he was quite... well _beautiful_ was the only way to describe him. He was pretty and charming too, even though he was snotty. Aki was staring_ into_ her almost-grown son, who was virtually pinned to the wall by that cold gaze, "Um… It's_ Kaito_, C'mon you _gotta'_ know who-"

"I know who you are. That meeting was not one I'll soon forget." Aki smiled a little coldly, holding up his cracked phone. Kaito looked down, blushing and scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. Aki's eyes didn't waver, continuing to pierce Kaito, nailing him to the wall. He continued on casually, "I'll be seeing you if your treatment starts."

"Oh, Great!" he said, which was ridiculous, because there was _nothing _great about starting chemotherapy. But Kaito smiled again, so widely that it seemed to stretch straight off his cheeks like that floating cat from the kid's movie of Alice in Wonderland. Maiko bit her lip. He looked so… Well, _happy._ His eyes were even crinkling in the corners like they always had used to. "So uh… What're ya' doin'...? Candystripin'?"

"Sort of. I like to visit the children. They like stories and candy." Aki smiled a little. Maiko's heart softened. Kaito stared at him for a minute with an open mouth, looking like some sort of dorky fish who had just fallen twice as much in love as he already obviously was.

After a moment or two he recovered and rubbed the back of his neck, grinning another thousand watt smile. "Heh… well I'm sick as a dog, so I'll probably be seein' a lot a' you,"

"Lucky you." Aki looked at him unabashedly, as the elevator doors open. Kaito's mother rolled her eyes as her son stuttered at Aki's retreating form.

"See ya'!" The huge crazed smile on Kaito's face pulled at her heartstrings, because she had seen the cruel, manipulative glint in Aki's eyes, and she knew that if he could get his claws around Kaito's heart, he wouldn't hesitate to squeeze it until it popped, and then that smile would be gone again.

Kaito probably knew it too, but he was still grinning like he'd never been happier. The boy's got it pretty bad.

The doors closed again. Maiko was silent for a couple seconds. "So that's the way you swing?"

"MOM!"

* * *

He sang softly to himself as he adjusted his orange bag on his back, "The road I walk, is paved in gold, to glorifyyy my platinum soul-"

Aki walked down the hall, moving aside for a wheelchair-driven patient to pass by.

This was a depressing place, but it was home.

He carried a huge stack of books in his arms, a bag filled with new cd's, toys, and candy bars on his back. He was going to spend his afternoon reading aloud to some terminally ill children. Talking to someone he knew was close to death brought him bittersweet comfort.

He felt as though his presence, his _charm_ was worth something if it made someone who didn't have much longer to live smile. He felt wanted, wanted for something other than his sex appeal or his money.

His own family had sat in these rooms before, wasted away in these beds. He hadn't visited them, and he had never said goodbye. That's why he had to spend time with these poor cancer-ridden children, these poor elderly people with dementia, these poor mothers who were slowly dying from septicemia.

He knew that they seldom got any visitors, and he knew that they had to be at least twice as lonely as he was.

He thought about that kid who had been admitted a couple of days ago and wondered how he was doing. Kaito. The name stuck to him like a piece of sugar-free gum would to the sole of his shoe. There was no _way_ he could've forgotten that name, even if he had tried.

Kaito. Kaito. _Kaito_. It left a sour taste in his mouth. But he _liked_ it.

Kaito and his peircings. Kaito and his facial tattoos. Kaito and his spiked Mohawk. Kaito, Kaito, _Kaito _and his_ cursing _and his wonderful_ anger _and his wonderful_ fire and spite and bitterness._

No one had ever talked to him like that: With such vehemence and fury, such passion and affection, all at one time.

It made him want to scream, to break the bleak silence that filled this place. It made him want to sink his nails into Kaito's face and press his body against him and fuck him hard, hot, and heavy in the elevator.

He wanted him. He wanted him. He wanted him like he'd never wanted anything before.

He was going to have so much fun with him; Kaito was _special_. "This. Is. Entertainment. Lies. Are. Entertainment-"

Because part of him knew that Kaito was the only person in the terminal ward who wasn't a walking corpse. Kaito was going to live.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Cancer – My Chemical Romance. ~ Hello - Evanescence_

* * *

Kaito sat in the small bathroom, knees pulled up to his chest. He hated these hospital gowns. Ever since he was a child getting MRI's and CT scans to check his brain for abnormalities, he hated their backless, thin, itchy gowns. They made you feel helpless, trapped, like your neck was in a slowly tightening vise.

This place felt like jail. He hated it, he just wanted to leave, he wanted to go home and eat crappy takeout food, and watch five dollar movie rentals like he had all the time in the world. He didn't want to get shots, he didn't want any more pills scraping his throat, or antiseptic smell burning his nose.

He didn't want to have to think about how much time he had left, because it always reminded him of that part of 'All Dogs Go To Heaven. That part that had always creeped him out so badly, that he had awful nightmares. The part with the clocks ticking down the moments of your life.

But that's what his life was now. That's how it was when you had a terminal illness.

What the hell, what the hell. He must not have been cured of whatever was wrong with him as a kid because all he could think right then was how pretty the porcelain of the sink was.

He felt like a creepy, weird, little puppet who was trying to pull out its own strings and hang itself with them.

He smiled, wedging himself in-between the toilet and the wall; His thoughts weren't lining up well with his emotions any more. His body had this strange urge to hum or sing, even though inside he felt empty, scared, and hollow. For a moment he considered punching a hole through the wall with his fist, or maybe even his head.

He thought of his aunt with her straight white teeth like the boards of a picket fence, and he thought of his mother with her sad, tired eyes like the bruised sun. He thought of his best friend, who he had planned to finish high school with.

He smiled, and he could feel laughter vibrating his throat. It had returned, that stupid, stupid thought that had been coming back over and over and over. That stupid kid who had dumped his drink on him. That stupid kid who he was so gone on, the stupid kid who had turned him into a sticky, sugary, mess. Aki. A hot, sticky, sugary mess.

Aki, the kid who had put that fire back into him, that spark of wanting to live. Aki made him want to survive, him and his cold, cruel eyes, and his straight back, his classy, careless demeanor. Aki made him want to take his shoulders and shake him. Grab him by the hair and make him _look_ at him, _look at him _with that devastating gaze_._

He wanted those venom-filled words, and he wanted the spit in his face, he wanted that rush, that addictive adrenaline and passion to run through him again. He wanted to live.

He ignored the nurses knocking on the door, asking him to answer them. Kaito smiled, fists clenching in the thin fabric of his clothes. He ignored the pinch in his cheeks. He was so fucking terrified. He wanted to die. Right now. Right this instant, he wanted to be dead and have it over with.

Ten minutes later, he was lying on the floor, not caring that it was gross to have his face pressed to the cold tiles of a bathroom. He didn't care. He just wanted to seep into the floor and become the invisible dirt on the tiles, become the antiseptic covering everything in this place.

A key jingled in the door, and Aki's head peeked in. 'He keeps saying your name,' And Kaito didn't know what they were talking about, because he hadn't been talking. 'Get him to come out,' Kaito heard somebody say, 'Don't scare him though.'

Kaito's eyes flicked up to him, and his smile didn't waver even a little bit. Aki didn't seem disturbed by the sight of him in the corner there, looking right at him even before the door opened. Aki didn't even blink or look curious at all.

Aki didn't seem to care for him one way or another, and that was so much better than the nurses patronization or his friends pity. He remembered why he liked Aki so much from the first moment he saw him. He was okay with being alone, he was strong, he was independent. Aki was a wayward soul just like him.

Aki was honest, brutally so, and Kaito loved it.

"Get up," Aki approached him, "C'mon, get up Kaito,"

_'Get up and live, Kaito, Get up and live.' _He seemed to say. Kaito's smile didn't waver. Aki nudged him. "Get up, C'mon, they're waiting. I'm going with you, don't be scared," He said smoothly, as if he didn't really care if Kaito was scared or not.

And all Kaito could think, as he was helped to his feet, being told that it was time for the shot, time for the radiation to start, time for his life to end, all he could think of was that _Aki had remembered his name._

And he thought maybe he'd rather be the crest white strips that Aki used on his teeth, instead of the antiseptic coating the floor.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Tear you apart – She Wants Revenge_

* * *

Kaito felt that he looked older like this, angrier. He looked like his father, and his cheeks were finally losing the roundness of childhood, becoming hollowed and sunken in. He looked like a corpse.

"You look good." Aki stated, coming in to visit Kaito after they had shaved his hair off.

Kaito beamed, self-consciousness leaving him in one fell-swoop. He could taste chocolate on his tongue and feel sun warming his face, just like he always did when Aki came to visit him.

* * *

Even though it _was_ cancer that he had, the days seemed to go by quickly to Kaito. Aki begrudgingly visited him, and slowly but surely, Kaito fell even more deeply in love with him.

He was moved to a children's ward, and Aki was in there most days, putting lip gloss on little girls who were crying over the loss of their hair, driving toy cars up the legs of little boys who were too sore from needle-pricks to play.

Everyone in the death-row section of the hospital smiled when Aki came to visit, and as Kaito watched Aki paint a little girl's fingernails, he was sure that it had to be magic.

That night, just before Aki left, he read a story to all the little kids, soft voice filling the room. "Goodnight, star. Goodnight, air. Goodnight, noises, everywhere."

Goodnight Moon had been Kaito's favorite book as a child, and hearing Aki read it was like the magic he was imagining.

He wanted to feel that magic, he wanted to feel glitter in his guts, he wanted to feel tingles in his mouth and under his tongue and between his teeth. He was done playing games. He wanted Aki.

And he was going to have him.

* * *

Aki was cornered in the elevator by the bigger teen, Kaito. They both were about to turn twenty, and Kaito had just started another round of chemotherapy treatment.

Aki sighed, sick of being teased and harassed by the other man. Their game of cat and mouse had gone on too long, and neither of them was sure who was who anymore.

He took his finger off of the close button; it was too late to lock him out of the elevator. "What do you want, Kaito?"

"You," Kaito grabbed him by the sides of his head and kissed him deeply.

* * *

Kaito didn't know if Aki loved him, and he didn't know if it really mattered. What mattered is that he got to taste that silver tongue wrapped around his pierced one, he got to hold that silk-smooth hand in his callused, tape-fingered hand, he got to pester him and tease him and nag him incessantly and see his reactions.

It was like that story of the beauty and the beast. The concert-loving, idiotic, hot-headed beast somehow snagged the graceful, classy, intelligent _beauty_.

Aki kissed him with fire in his eyes, and Kaito could feel it shooting into his veins like saline coming through an IV line. And it made Kaito want to _live_, he wanted to live like this forever, with Aki wrapping his hands around his neck and holding him to his body.

And Aki's eyes were impersonal, casual, cold and collected. Aki was real, he was solid, he was honest. And Kaito loved him, oh, how he loved him.

The fact that Aki was with him despite his cancer was something in itself. There had to be something other than kissing him that made Aki want him. And even if there wasn't, Kaito didn't care.

It didn't matter if Aki didn't love him back, because he was still allowed to love Aki either way.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Comatose – Skillet_

* * *

Aki stood in the middle of the long, art-work filled hallway, looking out the solid wall of window. There were birds on the bare branches of the snowy trees.

The dead flowers made him think of the dying children, and the dead tree in the middle of the courtyard made him think of Kaito. The birds perched there made him think of himself, pecking at Kaito's bones.

He knew Kaito loved him, but that didn't make him guilty. He knew that he should be, he knew that it was cruel, but he didn't care. There were a lot of things about himself that he disliked, a _plethora_, in fact.

He wished he was sympathetic, sincere, selfless, he wished he wasn't so promiscuous, he wished he didn't smoke so many cigarettes, he wished he had blond hair and blue eyes, but guilt was _not_ something he wished for.

Kaito wasn't the only one. Aki didn't have to be attached to someone who was confined to a hospital bed, to a stretcher, to a coffin.

He shouldn't have to feel guilty. Kaito wasn't his boyfriend. They weren't lovers. They weren't anything. He shouldn't have to feel regret for seeing other people. Kaito wasn't the only one.

Aki went to the club, he drank, he went home with strangers and had sex in alleyways, in taxis, on fire escapes. Aki was a free spirit. Aki had a life ahead of him. Aki had _dreams_. He shouldn't feel guilty about living out his life, even though Kaito couldn't live out his own. He shouldn't feel guilty about playing with his feelings.

He didn't care for Kaito at all. He didn't. He didn't. He didn't care about him. He didn't care about that gorgeous boy who gave him back everything that he had lost, living here amongst the dying. He didn't care that he owed Kaito everything he had. He didn't care.

Aki cared only about himself. One day he would leave this place, this place that was filled with death and sorrow and tears.

And as he looked down at the note in his hand, he wanted to take Kaito with him.

_To My sweet Aki,_

_Thanks for not givin up on me and my lookeemia._  
_-Kaito._

Aki thought maybe, just maybe, he did care. Just a little.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Who's Lovin' You? – Michael Jackson_

* * *

"How come you like that bald guy?" A little girl with short hair asked Aki. She had been recovering very well, and they were thinking of moving her. "I saw you give him a kiss one time."

Kaito frowned doubtfully from across the room, looking at her bright, bubble-gum hair, wondering why that huge guy sitting on the floor by her bed would dye her hair like that. Maybe he liked cotton candy and wanted to eat her; maybe he was secretly a cannibal.

Kaito was soaring on his pain medication, and he was itching for some junk food.

"How come, Aki-Aki?" And her little yellow sundress was the prettiest thing, crinkling around her like cellophane tape. She had blood flushed in her cheeks like two strawberry lollipops, and Kaito wanted to hold her, maybe lick her cheek to see if it tasted like crystallized sugar.

Aki smiled wryly, holding her little hand still as he painted her fingernails. "He's friendly." He watched her guardian warily, but the guy didn't seem to care. In fact, he never said anything to Aki, hardly ever spoke to the little girl either. For some reason, Aki could practically feel a '_thank you'_ emanating from him. The girl had been so gloomy when she had first been brought in, and now she was energetic, hyperactive, and full of the will to live.

"And he's interesting."

"He looks scary." She whispered loudly.

Aki pinched her nose, "So do you, but you're sweet as pie." He said, wiggling her head gently. She giggled.

"Sweet as _cake_, Aki-Aki!" Aki nodded as though she had been right to correct him. He pulled out a skull barette from his bag of goodies, and placed it in her hair. She squealed and pointed wildly at it, trying to elicit a response from her guardian.

"Get well soon, dear. Best wishes."

"Bye, bye!"

Kaito smiled. If she tasted like Cotton candy, then Aki must taste like an Oreo cookie with a tall glass of milk.

* * *

Kaito looked surprisingly small with all the IV's jammed into his arm, and with bandages covering his radiation-bald head. He looked sickly and green, not at all like the strong, bulky boy that Aki had met so long ago in the hospital lobby.

And for once, Aki's heart hurt, felt as though Kaito was holding an icicle, an ice pick, a glass skewer, and trying to shove it straight through the center of his heart.

When Kaito looked up at him with such hope and adoration, Aki realized he cared. He cared a lot.

They laughed and talked about the day they met. Theirs was a sweet love story really.

Aki had smiled and said hello, not quite so kindly with a backhand compliment concerning Kaito's tattoos. Kaito had crushed Aki's phone under his foot. Aki had dumped his lemonade on Kaito's head.

Wasn't that how all love stories went?

* * *

[Curtain close]

* * *

Yeah I… I didn't really… I'm sorry, I'm tryin'. Awfully hard to talk with this fuckin' lump in my throat. Things were… They just seemed like they were lookin' up, an' they shouldn'ta' been. It creeps me out just thinkin' about it. Like someone was tryin' to trick us into meeting just so we would fall in love and then…. Fall apart.

Seriously. Me an' him are an unlikely pair, an' unlikely pairs aren't meant to be together.

Tragic n' shit, like… like Hamlet….. aw, man don't cry like that, please… I didn't mean… yeah, I know you really miss him. But you know what I mean… Sad, sweet, and creepy…

It's fuckin' beautiful but it gives me chills. Here, take my handkerchief. Yeah, I liked it too.

I don't think we were supposed to end up together. I think that's how those super-strong bonds come about.

It's just a fuckin' shame how things end. That's all I can say.

* * *

_[Spotlight, center stage. Actors have their backs to the audience and are enshrouded in darkness, excepting their legs. Actors speak with echoing voices. ]_

_Actor 1: Pink tattoos?_

_Actor 2: (with heat) Yeah, ya' got a problem?_

_Actor 1: No, no, they're quite bold, I always think that people who broadcast their sexuality are beautiful things._

_Actor 2: Mm, yeah. Ya' know what else is pink? My underwear._

[_Fade to black]_


	5. Life One: Act II, Plain as Day

Yes, I was… Quite cruel, quite cruel, you'll find I was the same way later on as well… I hurt him quite badly. Then again, we all were so very young, so very confused and on our own. I didn't mean to be so cold and distant.

Anyways, I loved him. I loved Ikkaku when he lay there in that boy's dying body. I loved him so very much for making me feel guilt, for making me feel remorse, for making me want something other than my own sick pleasure.

I made him want to live, and he made me want to love.

* * *

**Act II – Plain as Day, We're Simply Meant To Be, or is it 'Meant to Die?'**

* * *

_Soundtrack: Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop – Landon Pigg_

* * *

Aki loved Kaito. He knew it the moment he saw Kaito standing there shakily, rubbing his eye, tangled in his IV lines. His pulse points were bleeding from where the wires had been tugged when he jerked his arms against them, and he was looking at Aki sleepily, asking him where he had gone. Why had he gone. Why had he left his seat next to the bed.

That dependence in his eyes was now something he craved, because he realized that he needed Kaito too. He loved him. He loved that punk idiot who had destroyed his phone. He loved that hotheaded mess who had that Mohawk and the piercings and the dirty converse. He loved that concert junkie who was obsessed with candy and toys and books and being a child, _living for the moment. _He loved him.

He loved Kaito as he ate the pickles out of his burger before eating the rest. He loved Kaito as he tried to read a magazine on cars to the little boy in the bed next to him, taking out his piercings to entertain the kid. He loved Kaito as he wrote messy cards to all of his friends with crayons and markers like a five-year old.

Kaito wasn't like him. Kaito was loud and passionate and stubborn, while he was eloquent, graceful, and classy. They weren't meant to be together. He knew that.

And when Kaito was put into the radiation chamber, Aki whispered "I love you, Kaito," wondering if it had all been doomed from the start.

* * *

"I know we're young and stuff, and this isn't that romantic or anything… and it's crazy… but the only person I've known is you… for so long here… and…"

Aki looked up and kissed Kaito on the cheek, running a hand over his short, spiky hair. Kaito smiled flatly, just as he had so long ago on the bathroom floor. "- if I make it through this, could you please let me be your husband?"

And before he could think about it, he said yes. He thought it was okay for young people in love to have whirlwind romances, and he was young and in love.

Aki had dreams, Aki had plans, Aki was a free-spirit, but here he was, putting a lock on the chain binding his heart to Kaito's. Kaito was the only thing he really had ever had. Because while Aki was a free spirit and was hard to hold down, he also had a hard time holding the things that _he_ loved down. He had lost it all, except for Kaito.

He was tired, so very tired of being so lonely, and he wanted something to bind that crazy, cancer-riddled maniac to him forever. He wanted Kaito to stay with him, he wanted him to live.

He never wanted to be lonely again.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Vanilla Twilight – Owl City_

* * *

_To: Aki Akatsuki  
From: Kaito Makoto  
E-Message sent at: 3:56 P.M. (From Okinawa)  
Subject: I miss you aki _

_Babe I no your rollin your eyes but i do miss you i rly do. I can hear your voice sayin 'i just left this morning you sap!' x-x_

_Well im sorry but ive got it real bad. The love is killin me! just love you so bad that i miss ya rly much. _

_Im so glad I got releesed I was goin nutsin ther. Ts like being in jail kinda. Not that I no stuff about jail._

_Thanks for movin in with me my baby please lets get married soon! Sugar sugar pie sugar baby sugar you are so sweet. Love layin next to ya at night after we do it. Damn youer like an animal but it sure is hot. You fuck like a godam jackhammer an I fuckin lov it. Tellin the truth tho I love cuddlin you the most aki I really love to snuggle. I know I know wimpy me._

_Im on my pain med rite now so im havin trouble focusin. sorry if im makin no sense. I miss ya aki i miss you please come home soon. I know its only been a few hours but come home soon im lonely and theres nothing good on tv and popeye's Louisiana kitchen doesn't deliver. _

_V.V Woah is me._

_Wen i got out of bed this morning i thought of you rite away. Cause I didn't pick up my katana lieke you said to. I left my katana on the floor last night and stabed my foot and i can't seem to wrap it the right way (VoV). Wish you were here to bandaj me up._

_That aside i relly like this new apartmant. Dont worry I cleaned the blud stain the carpets fine.  
*o-o*blushie blush_

_I love yo, see you soon. Keep safe in Tokyo an find me the best doctor you can, we'll worry about money later. Don't let any smooth talking male nurses sweep you off your feet. TT-TT_

_Vry much i love you_

_Kaito._

* * *

Aki smiled at a stranger on the subway. It was lonely times like these that he thought of how he and Kaito had met.

_'Pink tattoos?' He ignored the nervous grin that the other boy had given him. After a quick once-over, he had him pegged. _

_'Yeah, ya' got a problem?'_

_'No, no, they're quite bold, I always think people who broadcast their sexuality are beautiful things.' Kaito's face soured at the cold laughter in Aki's eyes._

_'Mm. Yeah, ya' know what else is pink?' Kaito snatched Aki's phone with a scowl on his face. 'My underwear,' He chucked the expensive phone at the ground and stomped on it repeatedly with the heel of his boot._

_Aki took the cover off of his lemonade and dumped it over Kaito's head._

He smiled to himself. From that moment, he had never been lonely in Kaito's presence.

It had to be fate.

* * *

"You love me?" Kaito smiled, "C'mon, say it again," He said, reaching a hand across the bed to stroke Aki's cheek.

Aki smiled. "I love you, Kaito. The love of forty thousand could not match the love I have for you."

* * *

_Soundtrack: Meant to live – Switchfoot._

* * *

They had had a chance. A _chance_, for a real_ life_. Kaito was being flown to Tokyo for his next chemotherapy treatment and he and Aki had recently entered a civil union. A silver band glittered on both of their left hands.

All of it was going to end. All of their opportunities were gone.

Aki held tightly to Kaito's hand. He had been right to be afraid of airplanes. A man was holding the passengers at gunpoint, and his accomplice was handling a clumsily wrapped package that they all knew was a bomb.

He swore silently that he wouldn't allow himself to be separated from Kaito; even in death, even if he had to search for all of time.

Kaito was turning green next to him, gripping his hand so tightly that he feared that his fingers would break like those brittle Heath bars that he had always liked. The plane began to shake, and Kaito started to hyperventilate. Aki smelled gas and spied the noxious cloud coming from the front of the plane.

He relaxed back into his chair. He would find Kaito again. Perhaps their suffering wouldn't be so great on the other side.

Kaito began to shake and say Aki's name again and again, utterly terrified. The plane shook uncontrollably, dipping forward sharply. Aki didn't feel afraid as he closed his eyes. The gas smell was making him light-headed.

"Aki!"

"I love you, Kaito," He mumbled, "I'll find you again... I'll find you."

Not even the next life could stop him from never being lonely again. He would never sit alone and have no one to hold, he would spend his time looking for Kaito so that he never had to have that feeling again.

Aki lost consciousness. Kaito stood up in his seat and a gunshot rang out.

* * *

[Curtain closes, spotlight wavers for a moment before shuddering violently and abruptly switching off]


	6. Life Two: Act I, The First Day

[Spotlight center Stage]

Unknown Actor: (Loud coughing.)

[Spotlight jiggles as some heavy footsteps jolt the stage]

Unknown Actor: (Sneeze; retching noises.)

[Curtains lift and the stage illuminates on the two figures, posed facing away from each other.]

* * *

**Life Two: Act I – Today is the First Day of the Rest of your Life, Try To Enjoy It, Even though Misery Requires Company.**

* * *

_Soundtrack: All the Rowboats – Regina Spektor_

* * *

Yumichika was dragged away by the arm, eyes wide and wounded. His sister kept begging even though her teeth were red with blood, and her dead fetus was splattered over the ground. Still she tried to crawl to him; still she thought not of her own well-being, but only his.

His selfless_, selfless_ sister.

"Please, no. Me instead, He's a little boy, he's a little boy, Please, have mercy-"

The ugly men had laughed at him, shoving him around. They hadn't known that he was a boy. His sister had always said that being pretty was nothing to be ashamed of, that he didn't look like a girl, just a beautiful young man.

Beauty had always been a good thing, but not so now.

Hours later when he finally managed to drag himself out of the river, coughing up water onto the bank, Yumichika thought back to everything his sister had ever taught him, everything she had taught him about selflessness and kindness. He sat, gasping for breath, looking up through the leafy branches of the tall trees, and listening to the sheer vastness of this wilderness stretching around him.

He was alone now, and no longer had anyone to be selfless for.

He imagined the world extending around him in all directions, going on forever and ever, and thought of all the hardship that would be ahead of him, traveling through the world on his own. Selflessness could not help him here.

Selfishness is the only thing that helps you survive, and that's what he needed more than anything now: to survive.

He began beating his fists on the ground below him, throwing a temper tantrum to get a tiny piece of his frustration and anguish out. Grass was flattening and withering around him, but he didn't care. It wasn't fair, those men were _ugly_, they didn't _deserve_ his sister, they didn't _deserve_ her.

'How dare they, how dare they, _how dare they?!'_

Yumichika's knuckles were soon sore, and he rubbed them gently, calming himself down. He wrung out his dripping hair, thinking back to the philosophy his older sister had instilled in him before she had been killed: 'If someone sings or dances in front of you, don't stop them, because it's part of their soul, and that's something beautiful, the right of every human being born.'

Yumichika stood up shakily, clothes dripping, every one of his muscles quivering from exertion and exhaustion. He crouched back down when his knees threatened to collapse, and then he just lay down on the riverbank, panting.

'But not everyone _is_ beautiful, what could you have meant?' He wondered. 'You couldn't possibly have meant that everyone in the world is beautiful, because they're _not_. That's the reason you're dead, because of ugly people,' he thought bitterly.

They had been traveling the countryside, leaving behind the high-class brothel that they had been staying at. Yumichika hadn't fully understood at the time what his sister was doing, working there, he just knew that she was dressed beautifully, was well fed, and was warm at night. By day, she would teach him how to posture himself, how to be charming and polite, and how to look pretty, all the while with a tear in her eye. When they left, she had said that it wasn't for good, and that they were just going on a short vacation. They had been attacked.

They were following the river and hadn't seen a living soul for hours, so when they were found, there was no one to come to their aid. His sister was immediately picked out for her beauty and was attacked and brutalized, forced to miscarry in front of him.

Before the men had thrown him into the water, they had lifted up his sister's face by her hair, and in all her bloody, broken glory, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

That vision stayed in his head for days, her red teeth and the blood seeping from underneath her hairline; he thought of it even as he was tossed into the churning water. Yumichika couldn't swim.

Even through the hours-long struggle of staying afloat, the image of his sister's face stayed in his mind. It was there when he choked and grabbed desperately at some rocks and pulled himself ashore. It was there when he flopped onto the banks, and it was there as he vomited large amounts of water onto the ground. It was there, even as he passed out from exhaustion, and it wasn't going away.

Yumichika loved his sister, and waking up knowing that his sweet protector was dead, was a feeling that changed him forever, turned part of him sour.

'They were _ugly, and rotten.'_ He laid on his back, feeling more solitary than he ever had in this world. He looked up at the single patch of sunlight shining down on him from through the leaves. 'You're dead because of that ugliness.'

He blinked up at the sky. 'Well alright, they can sing if they might,' he thought darkly, 'but let it be known that I won't be quiet about any _ugly_ singing, O-nee-san.' Yumichika stood, beginning to make his way back to the brothel.

Something had changed within him that day; the world seemed dirtier, browner, more disgusting and filthy and filled with people who would hurt you and lie to you. Ugliness seemed to be all around him, and he hated it.

So Yumichika could tell other people what he _really_ thought about their singing, or their appearance, but he never silenced them or made them change.

Because while Yumichika thought ugliness was a horrible thing, he knew that beauty could be even more so.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Nabbed – Yoshida Brothers_

* * *

Ikkaku had only a few memories of his family, but the first thing he remembered with real clarity, was his father selling them into slavery.

His normally sweet, gentle mother screamed in anger as they yanked on her tied wrists and tore him away from her. His nearly grown, twin sisters cried and shrieked at their father for betraying them.

Madara Madarame tossed a coin in his hand and grinned evilly, holding up tails. He grabbed Ikkaku's arm and threw him to the ground. Ikkaku cried out as the heel of his father's boot dug into his back. "Looks like ya' got lucky, ne?" He grinned. "But… are you lucky enough," His father leant down, rubbing the coin on Ikkaku's forehead, "to save them too?"

Ikkaku shook, fingernails digging into the dirt as he struggled to lift his face to his girls, _his girls_, the girls who had sang to him, and combed his hair, and played with him.

Heads. His sister screamed as a handful of her long brown hair was grabbed. Her twin clung to her, trying to pull her free, but she was kicked in the side and pushed away.

Heads. Ikkaku's hands shook; his luck had run out. Both of his sisters were now being manhandled and grabbed. His sister's dress was torn on the bottom, and he remembered this detail because the fabric was his favorite color: purple.

The coin flipped for the last time, and he looked at his mother, praying as hard as he could. Not his mother, please Kami-sama, not his mother.

_Heads._

_"No!" _He screamed.

The sick game continued as the gang members of the ninja organization insisted that they test the merchandise. Ikkaku's eyes were wide and traumatized as he and his father watched his wife and daughters get brutally gang raped in the street.

"Iyada! Why are you doing that? What are you doing!? Stop hurting them! That's my mom! _Yametekure!_"

Ikkaku screamed when his mother's head was forced down; the man demanded that she clean her own blood off of him. One of his sisters was left on the ground, slowly bleeding to death as she crawled towards Ikkaku. The other was tied up and slung over a man's back, naked and wailing.

Ikkaku threw up, the pure brutality of it all getting to him. Wiping spit and vomit from his mouth, he swore that he would never become one of them, never would he become so cruel and self-centered. Whatever he did when he got older, he would never cross that line. He'd rather die than become perverted and violent like these men who were tearing apart his family.

Never would he become his father.

Twin tears escaped Ikkaku's eyes, but he did not cry, for fear that his father would kick him; his mother had always said to cry when he felt the need, because that doesn't mean he's a baby, it means he's a person, no matter what others thought of it. His father thought it was weak and emasculating and always chastised him for it.

That had to mean that his father wasn't a person.

He allowed the moisture to escape, but he did not whimper. He shook uncontrollably as his mother gagged and coughed. His sister cried as her twin's suffering finally ended when a booted foot stomped on her head repeatedly. Ikkaku could hear the cracking noise as her skull burst open like an eggshell. Her corpse continued to bleed.

His mother looked him dead in the eyes, conveying all her love and compassion for him in that single moment, commanding him to run. Ikkaku's lip trembled, and he began to weep, knowing that he had gotten lucky for a reason.

Ikkaku ran, and he swore, wherever there were men like these, he would shed their blood.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Bond – Big Love Adagio_

* * *

Yumichika's life was not unhappy, just unsatisfying. He felt that there was something out there calling him, and it made his blood boil. The urge to go to this unknown place for this unknown reason became unbearable.

He left the brothel and started walking, not knowing where it was he was walking to, just that it was away from his old life.

* * *

Ikkaku had the body of a teenager now, a young man really.

He had taken jobs all over the Rukon country; logging, woodwork, heavy lifting, anything that he was suited for. If you needed cheap labor or had some dirty work to do, Madarame Ikkaku was your boy… man.

He might've looked like a typical young kid just trying to survive out here, but that wasn't even a close guess as to his real ambition.

Every waking moment his thoughts were consumed by the family he had run from, the mother and sisters he had turned away from and _abandoned_.

He had been obsessed, possessed, _haunted_ by the need to find information on his surviving family, and had already learned that his mother had died soon after she was kidnapped. His last sister was his only goal, his only focus.

He quit his job after he brushed off the final shavings from his new bokken. His own blood soaked into the grain of the wood; He stood up.

_'I will never run from battle again. I am not a coward. I am Madarame Ikkaku, and whoever you are, I'm coming for you. I will find you-'_

Ikkaku looked up, eyes glazed over. He could imagine his sister waiting for him, wondering why he hadn't come to save her yet. Ikkaku was strong. Ikkaku was brave. He would rescue her, even if there was hardly anything of her left to rescue.

_'-And I will kill you when I do.'_

* * *

Yumichika stood in line, drawing his hair behind him.

These women couldn't be prettier than him, could they? Yumichika inwardly shrugged, adjusting his posture. The samurai paced in front of them, and Yumichika could see eyes peering out through the slit in the warrior's helmet.

"You." A finger pointed in his face and then curled under his chin gently. Yumichika smiled prettily but was inwardly uneasy. He hadn't known what he had signed up for when he had decided to become a consort, anyways. He was nervous. What if the samurai were cruel to him?

"You're just like Snow White..." The warrior said with a strange but endearing accent, sounding pleasantly surprised.

The warrior removed his helmet. "Nenji Haru. I'm honored that the fairest of them all is now mine."

Yumichika smiled genuinely. At least the man's face was beautiful.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Lacrymosa – Evanescence_

* * *

Ikkaku's chest heaved, blood splattering onto the dusty ground. Bodies surrounded him.

He hadn't time to allow himself to feel guilt for his tendency towards impulsive violence. It was in the name of revenge, and his sister was the cause. A more noble cause, he couldn't ask for.

He entered the next room, the room he knew his sister was in. There were men sitting at a card table and joking about how good of a fuck she had been. He killed them before they even knew he was there.

'_Where is she?'_ The room was empty save for some paneled wooden doors in the corner. Ikkaku turned to them, arms shaking, suddenly feeling as though his spine had been encased in ice. The hairs stood up the back of his neck, and the dagger in his hand dropped limply to the floor with a loud _thud_.

The eerie silence that had suddenly come over this place left him absolutely petrified.

He approached the closet door slowly, heart pounding in his chest. The whole of his life for the past ten years had been a build-up to this moment. What would he find? What would happen?

When his hand touched the door handle, Ikkaku felt fear wash over him, and he almost wanted to leave rather than know what was behind the door.

His fingers trembled, and he drew his arm back for a moment, but he knew that he couldn't turn back now. He had spent too long looking for her for him to give up.

The door slid open, and Ikkaku recoiled, stomach roiling. A naked woman, bound at every joint, burned beyond comprehension, and with scaly, cracked, purpling skin lay motionless on the closet floor.

At first, he was too shocked to feel anything as he looked at her laying there. He breathed out, clenching his fists, gritting his teeth. Even though her hair was so matted with blood that it was bright red, Ikkaku still recognized her and nudged her corpse, horror slowly but surely creeping into his bones and making a nest.

The woman gasped, jolting. Her eyes drifted open, and Ikkaku clapped a hand over his mouth, unwilling to look at the punctured orbs. They had been stabbed out.

"You're alive," he said in surprise, feeling worse that she had survived such trauma. Not even death could be so horrible as this. "Kuso,"

Her belly was round with pregnancy, and blood coated her lower body like some grotesque, gory blanket. She gasped for breath again, but did not speak. From the sound of her sparse inhalations, Ikkaku guessed that her ribs were broken.

That was his _sister_. He had _found_ her. It was all over.

"It's Ikkaku, It's Ikkaku. I'm here... I found you, I found you," Ikkaku stuttered in shock; His mission was finally over.

What was he supposed to do now? He didn't know. He didn't _know_ what to do. She just lay there, and he felt so helpless; He didn't know what to do for her. Pick her up? Move her? What was he meant to do now?

"Ikkaku," His sister rasped, so quietly he could hardly hear it, "Really, it's Ikkaku?"

"Hai, Hai, It's Ikkaku," His sister's lip twitched, as if she was tired, far too tired to smile. Ikkaku began approaching her again slowly, trying to accustom his eyes to such a gruesome sight.

He could see the men holding her down and forcing their way into her. He could see it, and he didn't want to, knowing the nightmares he would have.

"You're brave… You're my hero… Sweetheart… One last thing… One last..." Her punctured eyes drifted closed.

"Anything," Ikkaku got on his hands and knees, screwing his eyes shut to the vision of his maimed and raped sister. He crept close to her burned face, trying not to feel disgust towards someone he loved. "Anything." He touched her stiff hair and her cheek, warped to the point that she probably couldn't feel his fingers resting there.

Even beaten to the point of death, to the point where he could hardly recognize her, he still loved her dearly and could not abandon her due to her gruesome appearance. "Anything you want..."

He cringed backwards at the fresh burn marks under her eyes, large and pink. To Ikkaku they looked like the battle scars of a fighter, her badges of honor, the war paint of a survivor.

"I can fight no longer," she whispered, "Kill me."

* * *

_Soundtrack: La Folia – Emilie Autumn_

* * *

Yumichika never figured out if Haru had known that he was a boy from the start, or if he was surprised when he first asked him to disrobe.

He supposed it didn't matter. Haru still worshiped his body like no one ever had, and Yumichika grew to care for the gentle man. His heart was as beautiful as his face.

* * *

The day he came back to town, still in shock over what had happened, he got tattoos under his eyes.

'_Warpaint. I am a warrior. I will fight until my dying breath, just like my sister. I am not a coward. I am not afraid to die. I am Madarame Ikkaku, and I am going to survive.'_

* * *

Yumichika smiled. It was funny that he'd been selling his body for so many years but that he'd only just given up his first kiss.

To Yumichika, kissing seemed much more intimate at this point, and he wasn't exactly sure if he liked giving that to Haru, as fond of him as he was.

* * *

Ikkaku's boyish innocence was gone.

All that he saw here were trees with bones for branches, and puddles of blood rather than rainwater.

He sneered at the hideousness of this shitty world. The shinigami had a different life; they lived in a fantasy land. He couldn't believe there were people signing up to die to protect this horrible place. He had a surplus of spirit energy, but he did not want that life.

The more he thought about it, the more times he visited the ocean and saw bloody froth coating the grey waves, and the more times he saw people drinking mud from the streets, and the more times he saw birds pecking at human carcasses, he found that he could not stand living here. He could not stand living here, not in the land that had raped and murdered his family.

He could no longer stay here in the Rukon districts, and young though he was, he left for the outlands.

* * *

Yumichika smiled, lounging on the smooth sheets on the floor of the tent. The last twenty or so years that he had spent as a consort hadn't been as unbearable as he had expected them to be. He had long since left the brothel that he had returned to after his sister's death, but the job requirements were still the same there with the samurai. Companion by day, consort by night.

In some ways, it was better, in others worse. He no longer had to obey the rules of the brothel, nor did he have to report to a Madame, nor did he have to listen to that incessant, fake laughter that the girls were made to do.

The ways that it was worse were outweighed by the good, he felt.

He was fed, well protected, dressed beautifully, and the samurai warrior who claimed him wasn't unkind. In fact, Yumichika was very fond of him at this point.

Haru came in from watch duty, and he immediately began removing his armor. Yumichika took off his helmet and smiled when he found Haru Nenji smiling back at him.

"Are you cold, pretty thing?" Yumichika hooked his finger into Haru's collar and enjoyed that look of helpless adoration he received.

"Maybe so, but I'll warm up soon," he said sultrily. He could almost enjoy his work. At least it wasn't painful. He often wondered if this was what love was.

He laid on Haru's sweaty chest afterwards, enjoying the nimble fingers playing with his long hair. It had grown so long that it could touch the backs of his legs now. He enjoyed the soft touch, not knowing it would be the last night, the last time.

In the night, he was awakened abruptly when he was yanked upwards by a man who had a handful of his hair.

Being a consort hadn't been so bad, not until his sweet, sweet Haru was killed, and he was taken prisoner by the enemy.

* * *

Rukongai, Highlands, Forest, Swamp, More Forest, More Highlands, Desert, Outlands.

This was all Ikkaku's map said. He had put little pictures of trees and rocks next to the words because he couldn't read very well. All that was on the map was a line for the path, and the words marking those areas, but Ikkaku didn't care. He didn't care that the only map he could find was complete shit.

He didn't care that the road was long and dangerous, he didn't care about thieves or rogues, and he didn't care about having to live in the wilderness, maybe for years.

He just wanted to get out of here, so that maybe he could wash some of this blood from his soul.

* * *

Yumichika wished for his sweet Haru for what would not be the last time.

He was blindfolded and was being held at the elbows by two people. They were running and forcing him to run along with them. He could smell bamboo and hear the hollow _clunks_ of the rods knocking together as they ran.

He couldn't see himself, but he knew that he looked indecent. His clothes were hanging off his body as a result of them being torn off. His shoulder was bare and there was a slit up his thigh showing his leg, but he hadn't the sense of mind to be embarrassed before these unknown men. His hair was clumping, damp, and was getting stringy, and for once, he wished it weren't quite so long. There was so much of it for them to grab and yank on and steer him around by that Yumichika wished that he had cut it all off when he had had the chance.

Yumichika breathed shakily, limbs trembling as he stumbled and cut his feet on something sharp. He was very frightened, but he did not cry, plead, or beg. Yumichika could take a beating. Yumichika was strong, and cold, and he could survive this.

Couldn't he?

'_Where are they taking me? It seems as though we've been running for hours.'_

Just as that thought left his mind's tongue, they came to a halt. He heard a rattling clank that didn't register in his mind until they had walked past the source of the noise.

It was the sound of a gate opening.

* * *

Ikkaku hadn't been happy for so long that smiling was an almost a painful thing to do. He dug dried blood from under his fingernails with a dagger, looking at a hawk flying overhead. He picked up his bokken, knowing that it was time for him to find a real sword and fight as a warrior, because a warrior is what he was.

Ikkaku ignored the twinge in his cheeks as he grinned widely at the sight of the men in the distance.

_Swords._

* * *

_Soundtrack: Leech Jar – Emilie Autumn_

* * *

Yumichika had been beaten, and whipped, and forced upon before, but that was nothing compared to the torture he endured in the strange dungeon he was taken to.

Burning him with scalding hot knives, gagging him, torturing him with snakes and rats, everything imaginable was done to him. It went on for months, or at least it seemed to. Yumichika couldn't tell what the time was from his cell.

It seemed to never end: the beatings, and the rape, the dried blood, and the hunger, the stifling hot, dusty rooms, and Yumichika's least favorite, _water-boarding._

A certain face haunted his dreams, the face that always appeared in the corner of the room when he was strapped to the rack. The face that always appeared above him when he was being raped, it was haunting. That face. Whose was it?

He kept wishing and wishing for Haru, mourning the fact that such a beautiful _sweet_ man was dead. The only thing that he wondered for days and days was whether or not it had been love that he had felt, and whether he should cry for Haru.

He wondered if they had killed Haru cruelly, he wondered if Haru had worried for his safety, if he had loved him truly and absolutely. Yumichika decided that maybe it wasn't love, but he still desperately missed Haru and wished that he was still alive, wished for him to come save him.

After awhile, it sunk in that wishing for Haru was pointless and wasted time. It would not help him to survive; He couldn't rely on someone else, he needed to save _himself_.

That fateful day, he was finally left alone, and he weakly moved his legs from under him, chains clanking around his ankles. He was seriously underfed, and his hair was matted and dirty. He was lucky to still have clothes, ragged and muddy as they were.

The only thing that he could be thankful for was that his mind had stayed blessedly sharp, and he still remembered the way out, after all this time. Yumichika had finally completed his plan. He was going to get out of here, or else he was going to die trying. He was going to escape, and he was going to do it today.

As quietly as he could, he dragged himself over to the rotting fish that they had tossed him and pried a rib bone free from the carcass.

Picking the locks that shackled him to the ground, he knew that he only had one shot, so he didn't have time to take the other end of the chain off of his legs. The cuffs on his ankles had a much more complicated lock.

A few hours later, his heart was racing as he ran through the forest as fast as he could. He had to get away. 'Don't stop, don't stop, keep running,' over and over it repeated in his mind, 'Survive, survive, run, run, _run_,'

He ran until his lungs were burning, carrying his broken chains in his arms. He scrambled up a tree, growing paranoid as the sounds behind him grew closer.

His atrophied arm muscles ached, and soon he could no longer hold onto the tree branch and fell into the water below. The chains dragged him down to the sandy bottom, and the water was just deep enough that his head was covered.

He felt like he was being water-boarded again, and he immediately gagged, river water shooting up his nose. The area around him was turning red and brown, and he choked, believing that he was going to die; he was drowning.

His heart clenched with despair; He had been so close to freedom. He would have wept, had he air enough to do so.

The chain was still clenched tight in his hand, and he did not let go of the only tangible thing in his fading world.

Suddenly, he popped back up to the surface as the cuffs slid off his skinny ankles. He coughed and spat, head reeling as he clung onto some weeds and dragged himself onto the far bank. He crawled to his feet, stumbling, not giving himself a moment's recovery. He began to run once again, still carrying that chain in his arms. If all he had in this world was the mark of a slave, then so be it.

Yumichika stumbled over some rocks but did not stop. His hair was sopping and knotted, his clothes were dirty, and wet, and weighing him down, but he did not stop.

'Live... you're going to live.'

He lived in the woods for months, hiding in caves and under rotting logs, and even in a crevice between two boulders on the side of a cliff face, still terrified of being found. He cared not for the unbreakable pride he once had.

He dared not let down his guard; he knew he was being followed.

He didn't care if the people he occasionally heard walking around were villagers or soldiers; he didn't want to be found by either. He couldn't take the chance. He would not be found; he would not be captured.

He would never live in a dungeon again as long as he lived, if he had any say.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Deciever of Fools – Within Temptation_

* * *

For a while, Ikkaku had killed out of anger.

Ikkaku handed the woman her pearls back and helped her to her feet. She bowed to him, begging him not to report her for her indecency. Ikkaku's stomach roiled in disgust that people could actually think that way.

Someone was being _raped_ and people actually had the mind to arrest the woman for being indecently dressed. I mean, my god she's having her clothes ripped off. Ikkaku wrinkled his nose, averting his eyes from her bare parts.

He assured her that he would do no such thing, and she sunk into a dogeza briefly, still struggling to pull her clothes back around her. She then fled back to the safety of her home.

Ikkaku looked on the man with cold fury. How could he _live_ with himself with _that_ kind of blood on his hands? It was kind of funny to Ikkaku that so much blood stained his own hands, but not a single drop of _that_ kind of blood would ever, _ever_ touch him.

Ikkaku had only killed out of hatred for so long, thinking of how his mother and sisters had screamed and cried so long ago; he didn't know what was wrong with himself when he started laughing, carving the perverted thief from nose to navel. Really _laughing_; out loud, cruel and hysterical.

He looked back at his father's face for a moment, before it was just the bandit's mask once again. Ikkaku slit the throat of the already dead man.

'_Blood... I will win... I will shed their blood.'_

Ikkaku entered the swamp.

* * *

Yumichika held the chain behind his back, a length of it in each hand. He perched in the tree branches, silently.

He had long ago deduced that the only way he would stop being followed, was if the scouts unfortunately died.

He didn't care that he probably looked like an animal with his hair hanging down like that, matted and dirty, and at least four feet long. His eyes had a crazed, starved look to them, and the chains were hanging down on either side of him, his acolytes of survival.

The two men were coming closer and closer and right when they passed under the tree he was in, he was overcome with the urge to slaughter the two for making him suffer so, for making him starve out here in this woods, for letting their organization hold him hostage and torture him so horribly.

He screamed and leapt from the branches, falling faster than he had expected to. Just before he hit the ground, he whirled in the air, chains cycloning around him and whipping the men in the heads.

He panted, chains dropping from his hands as their shattered skulls turned the moss red.

Yumichika left the chain there, wondering what had come over him to do something like that. It really wasn't his style at all.

But then whose was it?

He stumbled away, feeling cold and alone, wishing that he still had Haru to comfort him.

* * *

Ikkaku swore, straining his arms against the vines. He cut his tongue doing so, biting down harder on the knife in his teeth.

The hollow was getting closer and closer, roaring at him. Ikkaku was feeling weak and knew exactly why, having watched the hollow suck the reishi from an unfortunate bird.

He could feel spirit energy leaving his body, the vines twisting further around his arms. The damned plant kept trying to re-snare the parts of his body that he got free.

He got his hand up to his mouth and cut himself free of the living vines, feeling guilty as the plant shrieked, feelers retreating. The hollow roared again, and Ikkaku coughed as foul breath and saliva particles blasted over him.

"Kisama… You nasty son of a bitch," he griped, dropping to one knee as more of his reiatsu was drained. "Pretty sweet ability though," Ikkaku said, grinning at the mindless thing. "Sorta' jealous, actually."

Ikkaku feinted right and then bolted forward, stabbing the hollow in the soft flesh beneath its bone plated chin.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Solitary Ground – Epica_

* * *

Yumichika breathed as quietly as he could, backing up slowly. The scout was somewhere in the trees, and he didn't know where. He whirled around, turning continuously, feeling as though he would go mad if this didn't stop soon.

It all happened so fast. The rest of the scouts were gone; there was only one here. It must've been about four o'clock, and this scout must be alone. Yumichika was so disoriented that he wasn't entirely sure about anything.

And all of a sudden, he felt as helpless as he did when the drunk Chinese soldiers came into his old brothel and began forcing themselves upon girls, and there was so much struggling and screaming and _wailing_ and he couldn't do anything but brace himself against pain of his own.

Yumichika's breath frosted in the air in front of him, and his eyes went big and wide, listening intently to the woods around him. He knew full well that his hearing couldn't match up with a ninja's stealth skills, but he still tried, desperate.

He wasn't sure how one moment he was alone and the next he was flat on the ground and nearly naked.

"Gotcha! Sneaky Bastard!"

Yumichika gasped. His dirty clothes were being pulled off of him and the man was lining himself up already, and Yumichika didn't understand. He had thought they were trying to catch him, but this man had only one intention.

The first thrust knocked all the wind out of him, rough and violent and he could feel blood begin _gushing _out of him as he was split, torn, _ripped_ open.

"Aaahn, Kimochii!" He heard cruel laughter above him.

And then he screamed, he screamed like a dying animal, louder than he ever had in all his life, with all the anguish and despair and fury that he had been holding in since the day he had been born in this awful place.

He clung to the ground, moss and dirt getting underneath his long nails. Grass stains and scrapes covered his cheek as his face was shoved down. He coughed, rocks and sand getting into his mouth and his eyes, and he began flailing about, trying to get rid of these arms tearing at his clothing, and that mouth kissing and biting him all over with something that in another situation could be construed as passion.

But Yumichika knew better. Only one kind of man got pleasure from something like this.

Yumichika howled into the ground, and the voice that echoed around him throughout the woods didn't sound like his own. It sounded broken and desperate, not at all like the strong person he knew himself to be.

After a particularly rough thrust, Yumichika's head jolted upwards, smacking against the scouts nose. He heard a loud crunching sound, but no shout of pain. There was a grunt of annoyance, and then his face was shoved back down into the dirt.

He kicked backwards but his leg was grabbed, and suddenly he was on his back. He groaned in absolute _agony_ as the man's arousal twisted inside of him, shoving in even deeper, lubricated with his own blood.

Dead leaves crackled under his back, and he gritted his teeth, eyes smarting with the effort of holding back his tears. Oh, how humiliating this was, how this hurt, this hurt, this _hurt_, so _badly _that he wanted to die _right now._

The scout had blood running from his nose in twin rivulets, and to Yumichika he was the ugliest thing he had ever seen. "Nice one, but now you gotta watch me fuck you. Wakata? Look at me when I come inside a'ya'."

The scout began to moan, and in his lust he let go of Yumichika's wrists to grab his hips and rut harder. Yumichika immediately pushed his hands against the scout's face, trying to gouge his eyes or scratch him hard enough so that he could escape.

He gave up quickly and grabbed the scout's mop of dirty hair, yanking his head to the side. "AAhk!" The scout grabbed Yumichika head, hands squeezing the sides of his face as if to crush his skull. The man didn't pause in his thrusting, and Yumichika was whining in pain, trying to fight his body's demands that he go limp, that he submit, that he give up.

Yumichika's heart pounded so fast, so fast that he thought it would burst, as he tried to pry the fingers from his face. The hands only moved down to his throat, squeezing him even tighter than before.

Yumichika's eyesight began to flicker, and air seeped out of his lungs, hands scrabbling with diminishing strength. Eventually, he went completely limp and let the man finish raping him.

He lay there, and when the man dragged him over to a rotting log and covered him with rocks, Yumichika knew that he had been presumed dead.

Rather than wish for Haru, he wished that the man had been right.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Somewhere – Within Temptation_

* * *

Ikkaku passed through the razed town, kicking up a flock of vultures. He didn't even look, not for longer than an instant, at the stark white bones that were only small enough to be an infant's.

He felt a hint of regret. If only the baby had been spared, so that he could've had a companion and been alone no longer.

It was lonely, loving only the dead.

* * *

Yumichika was almost caught twice more but found sanctuary in a large abandoned fruit orchard. It was a beautiful place, and they didn't find him. He was safe there, it seemed, but he didn't stay long.

That urge returned, driving him onward; to where, he didn't know.

* * *

Ikkaku began to ache for something; He didn't know exactly what. He wanted something other than ugly, unshaven faces to look at. He wanted the smell of flowers rather than sand and sweat. He wanted so badly for something beautiful to look at, even something small, something to convince him that this world wasn't all bad.

He stumbled upon a corpse that was fresher than the rest. This ransacked town had been burned to the ground like that last one.

There was fungus growing on the body, and a bright white flower was creeping out from beneath the dead arms, drinking from the blood-sodden soil.

He moved to crush the flower under his foot or to rip it from the ground, but suddenly felt an overwhelming impulse to touch the petals and smell the flower. He left, doing neither.

Ikkaku felt this urge deep inside of him, telling him to return to the Rukongai, but he did not go.

* * *

Yumichika stumbled through the southern highlands, trudging over miles and miles of short, dry grass. He had seen thousands of dead, yellow weeds, and had passed by thousands of rotting trees, and walked through thousands of puddles and mud patches.

There were a few abandoned buildings that were overgrown with leaf-less brambles and vines, and there were fences made out of planks and some made of piles of stone, but Yumichika hadn't seen any people for days.

He didn't stop to rest as he passed the ruins of a great manor, with large, sprawling, stone walls, iron arches, and elegant bridges. He appreciated the scenery change from vast dry plains, to a green menagerie of plants and wildflowers. Normally, he would've stopped to admire the waterfalls and the trees, but he didn't stop today.

He didn't know where he was going, but he wasn't going to stop until he got there.

* * *

Ikkaku walked.

He had been walking for hours in the same manner, hardly noticing anything as he walked and walked and walked over endless fields of itchy, dead grass, and past hundreds of moss-covered boulders.

He stopped at a small abandoned farm, venturing inside curiously and recoiled to find a dead woman sitting in a rocking chair in front of a fire. He didn't know who had lit it, because the ground was flat and he could see for miles, and there was no one out there. Whoever had, had kept the woman there for a while, as he could see her bones flashing white from underneath her rotting flesh.

As he trudged on through the fog and muck, he thought of his mother's bones.

He didn't stop walking.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Imaginary – Evanescence_

* * *

Yumichika stumbled into a nearby town, looking disheveled, half-alive, and like he had been put through hell. He probably scared the townspeople to their second death with his wide, deadened eyes, and his dirty, scratched skin. His clothes were torn and filthy, and his hair was stringy and tangled, and he could hardly believe it himself, but he felt worse than he looked.

A beautiful girl with combs in her hair and a red and apricot colored kimono on, gasped and approached him, bidding him to come with her. Her name was Keiko, and she brought him back to her place of residence: a brothel, of course.

The gasps of a few dozen geishas was something that was comforting and familiar to him, and the Madame allowed Keiko to take him into one of the ornate, decorated rooms. He was immediately barraged by a tight hug, some large breasts choking him, and some high pitched squeals, "Kawaisou, what happened to you, pretty thing?"

That was how he met Matsumoto Rangiku.

She and the other dancers cleaned him up and cut his hair, rubbing sweet-smelling oils in it. They fed him and dressed him, and re-taught him how to dance, and garner tips, and to hide a knife properly. They reminded him that this was what he was good at, what he knew. They reminded him how it felt to be beautiful, how nice it felt to be charming and to tease handsome, rich men and sip wine.

Thus began the next chapter of his life.

* * *

Ikkaku began to long for some greenery, for some color. He longed for that beauty, something pretty to look at, something other than this grey wasteland. This place looked like a desert, and it hadn't rained for years. He had to leave this place.

Ikkaku left the outlands, and entered District 80.

* * *

Yumichika was a prostitute. He didn't know how things had turned out like this. He had always believed beauty to be something that was sacred, and precious, and _special._

There was nothing special about these men, rich though they might be. There was nothing beautiful about them, in fact, they _repulsed_ him. He didn't think he'd ever enjoyed having sex even one time, and he'd lost count of how many times it had been.

He wanted something else, and as he spoke with his friend Rangiku, they both agreed that they wished that there was some feeling behind it; they wanted there to be _care_.

As Keiko braided his hair for bed, they listened to Rangiku talk. A strange look came over her face, a sad, fatigued look that they had never seen before.

"Making love with your sweetheart... Someone who loves you and who you love better than anyone in the world," she had said, strangely serious for a girl who was usually so optimistic and silly, "That must be the best feeling; Fills you up instead of draining you... Like fairytale love."

Those words returned to Yumichika every time he lay in bed after a customer had finished.

* * *

It was like the start of a bad joke.

This was Ikkaku's life now. He beat up all the fools who had been dumb enough to mess with him, and then he walked into the bar.

* * *

Keiko and Rangiku became his only friends in the whole wide world. They were a team. They would listen in to make sure that another's customer wasn't becoming too rough; they would doll each other up, and keep each other smiling.

They loved each other.

* * *

The guy was so drunk, that it was almost laughable. To Ikkaku, it _was_ laughable, in fact, he was having a hard time standing up he was laughing so hard.

"Look over there," he said with a suddenly straight face. The guy whipped around and almost fell.

"What?"

"Oh, Uh… Look harder!" The guy just scratched his head and stood there.

'_Holy crap, this guy is a total zombie.' _He kicked the back of the guy's leg, watching him crumple, ignoring his moaning.

"This seriously isn't even fun anymore, but I suppose I should kill you. Drunk idiot."

"Ow, ow, ow. At least I'm not a sober idiot!" Ikkaku stabbed him, wiping his bleeding nose, trying to ignore the bitterness that welled up within him at those words.

* * *

One day Rangiku spoke of a boy who had 'eyes like diamonds and hair like silver' who had abandoned her for Seireitei and the shinigami. He had promised to return for her, but it had been years and he had not come back. She told Yumichika that someday soon she would join 'Gin' there in Seireitei.

Yumichika promised her, one day he would go too, and find her again.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Soliloquy – William Control_

* * *

Ikkaku yearned for something beautiful to look at, a feminine face, a flower, a bird, a ladybug, something that reminded him of his mother and sisters other than bones. He itched for a face that could truly be called a sight for sore eyes.

He didn't really want that though. One thing that Ikkaku could be thankful for was that there weren't many women living out here.

This was no place for anyone beautiful. It was a perverted, violent wasteland.

* * *

"How do you like it?" The shinigami noble said, running his hands down Yumichika's arms softly. The man reminded him of Haru; he had the same build, the same facial structure, the same strange accent. And for a moment his heart clenched painfully in his chest as he thought of Haru's ponytail and his cute, crooked grin.

Yumichika looked at his naked body in the mirror, and smiled that beautiful grin that he had at last perfected. This time, it was genuine. How beautiful he looked in the mirror.

All his burn marks, all of his horrible, wretched scars had vanished. The healing kidou the man had traded for his service had worked beautifully. It had really worked.

Later when he was alone, he sat in front of the mirror, combing out his long hair, admiring his new butter-smooth skin.

His smile broke, and he thought of all the running, all the screaming, all the tears he had cried, and all the pain he had endured. The scars disappearing hadn't really lifted any of that from his shoulders.

'Maybe blemishes aren't what scars really are,' He leaned forward, rested his forehead on the mirror, and cried.

* * *

As Ikkaku entered District 79, for a short time, a little boy had followed him around devotedly. Just as Ikkaku was starting to warm up to him, there was a huge rise in arson in the lower Rukongai.

Ikkaku sighed, letting his breath dissipate into the rare wind circulating the streets. He scrubbed at his forehead angrily.

"Stupid kid," he growled, kicking the little body half-heartedy.

_"Yaaaaah- HAH!"_

_"What the hell'd'ja hit me with that for, Aho? ... Oops, I mean, _little_ Aho. Shit, yer' tiny, ne? Kawaii,"_

_"Urusai! Fight me, Ikkaku-sama! I've heard all about you! You beat up bad guys and help people! You're the strongest, you're the best! Teach me to fight! It's my dream to become the most powerful fighter and ta' defeat you, na!? Teach me how!"_

_"No."_

_"Awwwwwwww-"_

_"Shut up! I'm not the most powerful, boke. Now, leave me alone."_

_"Please, Ikkaku-sama, I'm on'a mission. I have to avenge my father's death!"_

_"Naruhodo. Every good mission starts with yer' father. Ha. Did anyone ever tell ya' what Madarame Ikkaku's mission was?"_

_"No. Nan da sore?"_

_"You say yer' tryin' ta' avenge yer' father, na? Well, I'm tryin' ta' kill my father… Yeah, I know. I'm not all about helpin' people like ya' heard, yarou. If I beat up bad guys, it's probably because I'm one too, wakata? So I don't know nothin' bout' tellin' ya' how to avenge yer' dad. Why don'tcha just give up, ne? Chibii?"_

_"I'll never give up! Just like Ikkaku-sama! Please teach me ta' fi-Huh- OWwww,"_

_"Stupid kid…"_

It was disturbingly similar to what had happened to Ikkaku as a child, just after his family had been taken away.

The village he was in was attacked. He remembered there being lots of running, and smoke, and heat rising from the ground in big, putrid waves. His eyes had watered and then a big, dirty hand had grabbed him by the hair and lifted him up. After being tied up and hung upside down by the feet, he was beat with sticks, and then they lit a fire under his head and left him there to get scalded.

When Ikkaku found the little boy's charred body, it reminded him of that day.

* * *

After he left the high-society brothel, tired of giving all his earnings to the greedy owners, Yumichika made off on his own, leaving his dancer-geisha-friends behind; it was a tearful departure.

He struck a deal with the owner of a small bar, and thus he began his illustrious career as the Rukongai's princess, Yumichika.

He was used to it being rich men, refined men, _soft_ men, not these dirty, smelly _animals. _Cringe though he might, he used that to his advantage: The fact that he was a sight for sore eyes. He had never had more customers, and he had never had more money.

He knew that beauty out here was a rare thing. No man who was surrounded by filth for so long could resist looking at something pretty.

His life was a glamorous one, albeit dangerous; he still was treated too roughly and was hurt by nearly half of his customers, but he could afford everything that he hadn't had back in his younger years.

Yumichika still only felt happy and at home in the forest that he had found sanctuary in, and he had a nice little place a few miles away from it. It was a beautiful orchard filled with sakura and apple trees, and he never grew tired of visiting it.

* * *

While Ikkaku was not sex-crazed like every man in the lower Rukon districts, he did happen to be a drunkard. The lure of alcohol was too strong, and to Ikkaku, it tasted like loneliness.

* * *

"Uwa! Utsukushii, na?"

"Hai, he's a looker…"

"Aw, c'mon baby-doll, nigerunai. Stay here with us."

"Yer' not getting away, honey." The dirty men circled him like sharks. Yumichika hated sharks, and he hated these men even more. This was worse than being cornered, because he didn't even have a corner to press his back into. He was surrounded on all sides and had no weapon. Only one thing to do when surrounded by dirt:

Play dirty.

"How do you like them apples, sweet cheeks?" Yumichika kicked him between the legs.

"I don't know, I don't feel anything." He smiled, "In case you didn't know, I'm Snow White and I know all about apples." He spun in the air and kicked the man in the face, beginning to run.

The last time he had wished for Haru had been long ago.

* * *

Ikkaku chugged cheap beer. Those were the only things that he was good at now: Fighting and drinking.

"I said _no_, now fuck _off_," he said loudly, reeling with drunken rage. The woman pouted and flounced away.

Maybe he was good at swearing too.

* * *

Yumichika didn't have friends. That's what he told himself every day when people gave him nice things or bought him food. That's what he told himself when men called him beautiful or touched him. They weren't his friends. He didn't _have_ friends.

The day that his opinion changed, Yumichika could still taste a man's tongue in the back of his throat. He shuffled through the street wearily, eyes locked onto the dusty ground. Grey, some brown; the very worst colors of this world, and this place was _filled_ with them.

Yumichika's only friends were depression and loneliness. But all that changed the first time he caught sight of that light in the distance and heard that loud shouting. He squinted and realized that that light was the gleam of the sun off the scalp of a noisy street fighter.

'I wonder who he is.'

That man stayed in his thoughts for weeks.

* * *

. . .

* * *

He was so… Oh, how I loved him, I loved him even then after the first sight of him. Instantly smitten. So brash and loud and filled with fire. He held… _Conviction._ Ikkaku wanted to live, while I did not. Ikkaku wanted to live, and he didn't even know why.

But that didn't bother him. He didn't _need_ a reason, and that's what was so curious about it.

I knew it even when he fought and said that he wanted to be killed in battle. Ikkaku was afraid of death, he wanted to live so badly. And I wondered why.

And our eyes met that first time and I got my answer.

* * *

_[Two spotlights shine on the dark stage, and we can see some bare legs standing in the light of one spotlight, and a decorative kimono in the other]_

**Actor 1:** What's someone pretty like you doin' out here alone?

**Actor 2:** (Quietly, with bated breath) …Beauty is so solitary you know…

**Actor 1:** Well ya' don't gotta be solitary anymore now, so don't look so gloomy.

_[The spotlights and the legs move towards each other and merge. Fade to black]_


	7. Life Two: Act II, Part 1

An' then all of a sudden, I saw 'im. An' wow… he was so damn beautiful, and I just… God, he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Anyways, we met, and somehow I got him to trust me and like me enough to wanna' stay with me, even though he coulda' ditched me at any time.

And I loved him already. I loved him even though I was too damn stubborn to admit it. I was so fuckin' _gone_ it was ridiculous. Dunno' why I didn't realize, guess I'm a little slow when it comes ta' those things.

But… the _feeling _I got around him… Was just… There's no words for it… I didn't really think about my future at the time, but part of me just assumed that I was gonna' be with him forever. I didn't even rely on my _hands_ for stickin' around that long.

Losin' 'im wasn't an option.

* * *

**Act II: Glory Days, They Were Ours; Oh Please Let's Go Back to That.**

* * *

_Soundtrack: Cracks (Flux Pavilion Remix) –The Freestylers_

* * *

Ikkaku noticed him there, when he was searching for battles.

He saw him several different times, being roughly handled by grubby men at least twice his size, or simply wandering around in pretty kimonos. The only people he ever seemed to talk to besides his clients were the street whores, bar-maids, and homeless children.

He soon realized that this was the same semi-famous, perhaps infamous, Yumichika, known for his beauty, and for, well… his _services_.

The next time he saw him in the street, their eyes met, and his grip on the collar of a petty bandit loosened slightly. Yumichika's eyes were violet, cold and depthless, and they pierced him to the core. Chills went down his spine, and he felt as though a dead hand was wrapping around his throat.

Yumichika Ayesegawa, the Princess of the Rukongai, had looked at him with interest. Imagine that.

He hadn't thought that someone like that really existed, and why would they? This was no place for someone beautiful, after all.

After meeting his eyes again the next day, he grew more curious. "Hora!" He nudged the guy next to him on the street, pointing at Yumichika. "Dare ka?"

"Are? Yumichika-Hime? Heh-heh, Don't waste yer' time." So that _was_ Yumichika. Ikkaku nodded, letting that 'waste yer' time' stuff go right out his other ear; He had just wanted to make sure.

"He's pretty," Ikkaku said, looking at him appreciatively. A little strange, maybe, but pretty. A strange feeling began to stir deep in his gut, almost, but not quite pain, but not entirely unpleasant either.

"NANI UTTEN NO?!" screeched another one the guy's drinking buddies. Ikkaku winced at the man's loud tone.

"Shaddup', Teme!" Ikkaku screeched, equally, if not more, loudly. "Just explain yer'self a'ready,"

They gave him advice concerning Yumichika, but he ignored it. He heard 'Stay away from him', 'Don't mess with him', and sometimes 'He's a good lay', but mostly what he heard, was that Yumichika seemed charming and sweet, but not to let that fool him, because there was a shard of ice in his heart.

Of course, he shook off their advice. How could he not? His eyes were fuckin' _sore, _and Yumichika was _so beautiful_.

He followed Yumichika. It _certainly _wasn't because he was_ interested _or something, but only because he had nothing better to do. At least that's what he told himself initially.

When he saw Yumichika wandering around through the large fruit orchard on the very outskirts of the land, sitting underneath trees and watching the crows peck at apples, Ikkaku thought he was even more beautiful than the rumors had said. Ikkaku hadn't seen anything as pretty as him in so very long; Yumichika didn't seem to belong here, but Ikkaku didn't care, and greedily took in the sight before him.

Soon, he was visiting the woods every day, hoping to watch the pretty stranger some more.

That day he remembered so well, that specific day in the prime of summer, in which cherry and apple trees interlaced in a leafy, flowery canopy. The gaps in the greenery let in colorful patches of sunlight through to caress the ground, lighting up the fallen, rotting petals of spring.

Yumichika had been there, dancing through the forest, humming a sad little tune to himself. He seemed to shine in the sun, and glow in the shadows. It really was enchanting, the presence he had.

Ikkaku held his breath as Yumichika passed by the tree he was hiding behind. His short nails dug into the bark as he pressed himself against the trunk, worried for some reason, about being caught.

He wondered if his reiatsu was too noticeable, and made an effort to control it, but Yumichika seemed distracted and luckily didn't notice him. Ikkaku peered around the edge of the birch tree trunk, and saw Yumichika gathering the folds of his kimono from the ground, revealing his thin legs.

Yumichika gave a sweet little sigh, looking at a bird on a tree branch for a full minute. Then he began to hum again, suddenly departing, beginning to run. Ikkaku followed behind him as he ran through the trees, taking a leap over a sharp decline in the terrain.

After crossing a small stream, Yumichika began to wander almost aimlessly, and Ikkaku continued to trail him silently.

He followed behind Yumichika for quite a while, smiling at that little tune he kept humming, and occasionally would begin wordlessly singing. After what he thought was about a half an hour, they had come through the woods, a field, and onto a grassy hillside.

He watched Yumichika lay down and tie knots in the long grass, and make daisy chains next to the birds, and he wondered what someone like Yumichika was doing out here in the Rukongai, living in such squalor.

Here, being beautiful is a death sentence.

* * *

_ Soundtrack: Tigerlily – La Roux_

* * *

The Rukongai Princess would always look so innocent when he was propositioned. Ikkaku watched from across the bar.

Perhaps it was fake; Ikkaku couldn't be sure. He knew that the smiles were fake because Yumichika's eyes didn't shine like they did when he smiled at the crows. He wasn't positive about that innocent look though.

What he was absolutely sure of, was that Yumichika didn't know that he was watching him.

* * *

If there was one thing that Yumichika admired besides beauty, it was bravery.

He watched the bald street fighter get into a beef with the shinigami after they came into the brothel, already drunk. He made it plain to the officers that they were bothering everybody and that they should leave if they didn't want trouble.

Apparently, the whole reason that the officers were even in the area in the first place, was because of an overwhelming string of complaints concerning the bald street fighter's barbaric reputation. He was a threat to public safety, and needed to be eliminated.

Soon enough the shinigami, who had cruelly allowed their vicious dogs to terrorize a little girl, were being kicked in the asses by the street fighter. Bravery. So very brave, Yumichika thought him, fighting them even though there was no way he could win.

He fought quite well against them, even though they had use of kidou and zanpakutou releases, but eventually they beat him into submission and dragged him into the woods, where they tied him up. They left him there, occasionally coming back to taunt him or to torture him.

The fact that they had kept catching sight of each other before the incident, interested Yumichika enough into seeking the criminal out.

Yumichika made the walk very often, visiting the woods adjacent to his own orchard. He would peer from behind the stake on which the man was tied, and watch him for a while, curiously.

One day, after the guy had been tied up for nearly a month with no food or water, Yumichika hid up in a tree directly above the fighter, listening to him talk to himself in his delirium and heat stroke. He seemed to have enough sense of mind to go quiet when he heard noises however, because he stopped talking when a little girl pranced into the woods, offering some food to him. Yumichika's heart melted a little, because food out here was an absolute luxury, and that girl was probably starving.

"M'not hungry," he said rudely. "Git'." He nodded his head in the direction of the town. The girl ignored him, kneeling down, presenting the simple bit of fish.

"But you saved me, please have some-" She was interrupted once again by the fighter, who was now getting impatient and irate due to the loud noises his stomach was making.

"Gaahh, Taihen shitsukoi," The man whined. "I said 'm _not hungry,_" he repeated, viciously, "An' if I did save ya', it was n' accident. Now _git'_!"

The girl scuffed her toe in the dirt and left the food there on the ground, turning and leaving. After about ten minutes of staring at the dirtied piece of raw fish, the man began to groan and strain his arms against the ropes, stretching out his foot to try and pull it towards him.

He could not, and it was around this time that Yumichika decided to cut him loose.

He wrapped his legs around a branch hanging over the bald man's head, and shimmied out onto it, flipping upside down to closer see him. Yumichika poked the back of his head curiously. "Ne," he said.

"The fu-" the man stuttered, trying to turn his face to see Yumichika, but he could not twist far enough. "Who are you?!"

"Who are _you_?" Yumichika retorted, crossing his arms. Perhaps it was better if his identity was not known. He didn't want to become known as an accomplice if he could help it. "If you close your eyes, I'll feed you, and I'll fetch your sword." It was stabbed into the ground a few yards away, a cruel reminder of the man's closeness to freedom.

Yumichika was struck with the thought suddenly, 'Why didn't he ask the girl to bring it to him, she surely would have cut him free… Pride? I do love those with dignity,'

He could hear the man breathing heavily, contemplating it, head probably fuzzy from the midday sun. "A'right… Prom'us I won'luk," he mumbled. Yumichika dropped down from the branch lightly, sliding his hand over the man's face to close his eyes. "Ts' Ikkaku, by'tha' way," he gasped.

"Beautiful name," Yumichika said. "You know… They say that men with names beginning with '一' are often handsome and talented." He traced patterns on Ikkaku's forehead before skating his hand down over his face. "Quite so, I think," he said, close to Ikkaku's ear, tempting him to open his eyes. Ikkaku's eyes did not even flutter, and Yumichika frowned in confusion, faltering a little in his confidence.

He could feel Ikkaku's lips part and a shaky breath escaped as he moaned at Yumichika's cool touch, but Yumichika knew that this was not a result of his powers of seduction. It was just because his hands were so soft and cool against his sweaty chest. It had to feel unearthly. Yumichika frowned. Why hadn't his baiting worked?

Ikkaku moaned a little more, and it ticked Yumichika off for a brief instant. How dare this ruffian toy with him?

"Sshh." Yumichika wrapped his fingers tightly around Ikkaku's throat in warning. "Quiet your voice," he demanded, digging his nails in. "I have no intention of sticking my neck out too far for you. You will not reveal my identity, wakata?"

"Ryoukai, Ryoukai," Ikkaku said nervously, but still his eyes did not open. "Please," he begged, "Hara heta." He began to shake against his bonds, blood sugar no doubt dangerously low. "The food first, please."

To his surprise, Ikkaku kept his word indefinitely, and kept his eyes closed the whole time; Yumichika held deep respect for this, as they lived in a land of thieves and liars.

Ikkaku shuddered and moaned again as Yumichika slid his hand down his neck and chest, trailing his cool fingers away slowly from the feverish flesh. "Shhh," Yumichika said more gently. Ikkaku nodded rather desperately, breathing ragged.

He picked up the piece of fish, peeled off the dirt covered portions, and held it to Ikkaku's mouth. The starving man wolfed it down greedily, asking for the filthy bits too. Yumichika cringed but picked up the dirty pieces of meat and allowed Ikkaku to eat those too.

"Why're ya' helpin' me?"

"I'm an altruist, I suppose," Yumichika said sarcastically, although he knew it was true. He might be vain, and usually he could control himself with his selfish urges and self-importance, but his heart bled for other people far too often and at the most inconvenient times. Curse his mother for birthing an empath into such a cruel environment.

"What's'yer' name…" Ikkaku asked. "Who are ya', tell me,"

"A sheep amongst wolves," Yumichika whispered, climbing back up into the tree silently with Ikkaku's sword. "Now live, Ikkaku." He hissed in Ikkaku's ear, leaning back down from the branch again to slice the ropes binding Ikkaku to the thick post.

He dropped the sword and it stuck itself in the dirt in front of Ikkaku. The ropes loosened.

Ikkaku immediately collapsed, falling heavily to his knees, eyes flying open. He looked around the small clearing and gasped. Of course, no one was there, and he sat there for a few moments looking around, rubbing his eyes.

"Shimatta…"

He got up on wobbly legs and pulled his sword from the ground, saying 'thanks' before leaving, looking back many times.

"I will."

Yumichika knew that it was wrong to care. 'No exceptions,' he thought, 'No exceptions.'

* * *

Ikkaku sat quietly on the rotting log, listening to the autumn wind rustle the familiar orchard that Yumichika had always seemed to be found wandering in. He came here often, knowing that lately, Yumichika had been living in the wilderness. All he had been able to think about for that month tied up in the woods was that he'd never see such a beauty ever again, and the thought hurt terribly.

He visited that day, hoping to catch the other man feeding the birds, or climbing the tree branches, or sleeping in the soft grass.

He waited for a hours, sharpening his sword, feeling a little lonely there in the quiet forest. Wasn't Yumichika going to come?

Perhaps now, in autumn, it was too cold. Or maybe he had died. Ikkaku sighed, getting up. He'd come back tomorrow and try again.

The next day, it snowed.

* * *

Yumichika's teeth chattered as he ran barefoot through the snow. He could no longer feel his feet and was tripping every other step. His breath was frosting in the air in front of him, but he didn't stop running.

They were chasing him again, and if he was caught, he had no hope of survival.

* * *

After a few days, Ikkaku gave up and didn't return to the orchard again, feeling the same sense of regret one has when a flower wilts in their hands.

* * *

Yumichika's heart was pounding wildly. He held bunches of his kimono in his hands as he flattened himself against the rock at his back. He was struggling to keep his heavy breathing quiet, as he had just been running for his life.

They were only a few yards away, and if they found him again, he was done for.

* * *

Ikkaku woke up on the wooden floor of his room with a pounding headache. He rolled over and vomited, washing his teeth with some more alcohol.

'_I have a problem.'_

* * *

_Soundtrack: Hero – Regina Spektor_

* * *

Yumichika fell forward into the icy slush with a yelp. He stumbled to his feet, blinking back tears as pain lanced through his numb hands and feet.

He swiped at the snow on his hands with his useless fingers, walking onwards. He shoved his hands into his armpits, glancing down at his feet. He sobbed once in dismay. He hadn't been able to feel them for a long time, and they were now purple from the cold.

The frostbitten skin wasn't what caused him such despair, however; He hadn't been able to feel the gashes all over the soles, and hadn't noticed the blood gushing out from between his toes.

He had been leaving his captors a trail.

* * *

Ikkaku felt so lonely here, surrounded by death. For the first time in his life, he wished for someone to warm his bed. He even considered paying a hooker to come lay in the bed with him, just so that he had someone to put his arms around, someone who'd let him pet their back and roll them up in the blankets.

Someone to melt the loneliness that winter had brought from his heart.

* * *

He sat perfectly still behind a rotting log for nearly an hour, just to be sure they were gone. As he sighed in relief, he looked at the fresh grass growing around him and wondered how many times he'd been like this. He had had dreams, he had had plans for a better tomorrow. What had his life become?

He thought of his sister's violet eyes and her round, pregnant belly. He thought of the kind face of his warrior when he removed his samurai helmet and touched his cheek. He thought of Rangiku's hope, of the boy she loved. He thought of her laughter and her optimism. He thought of the bald street-fighter and the confidence in his gait. He thought of the bright sun shining on his hair and his skin, and feeling so happy for one singular moment in his solitude.

And then he thought of the running, so much running and gasping for a single breath, so much screaming and so many tears. That's what he had been doing for so long, and he was tired, so very tired of always running.

But running was all he could do, and that's what he had to keep doing.

He fled through the woods to the outskirts of the district, climbing into the large, bud-laden sakura tree in the center of that secret orchard and cried into his satin sleeve.

* * *

The sky was grey, and it made him claustrophobic. He felt as though it were smoke, bearing down upon him and choking him.

He remembered when he was a child, the sky had always been blue.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Two Steps From Hell – Heart of Courage_

* * *

Yumichika sat on the grassy hillside, just outside the sanctuary of his cherry tree orchard. Combing his fingers through his long hair, he wondered what his future would've been if things had been different.

That urge continued to plague him, and he didn't understand what it wanted of him. He knew that it meant him to go find something, something that would make him feel complete, but he didn't know what it was or where he had to go to find it.

He picked a dandelion and blew away the seeds, watching them drift away from him as he made a wish.

The urge curled in his stomach, and he didn't understand what it meant. He just wanted it to go away and leave him alone.

Suddenly he yelped, hands flying up to his scalp as a big, grubby hand snagged him by the hair and grabbed him by the throat with the other.

"What's someone so pretty doin' out here?" Yumichika felt a strange sense of Deja vu that he couldn't shake, even though he knew he'd never heard the words before. Hot breath curled around his face and Yumichika began to panic as he struggled against the arms, "And all alone too? Guess I hit the jackpot."

"Iyada!" Yumichika shrieked, yanking fruitlessly against him.

Yumichika tried to lift his leg to kick backwards and maybe hit the man in the groin, but he was hit in the side of the head with a large fist. "Zurui, Naaa?" Yumichika's vision swam, and he fell to the ground. He was shoved into the dirt by the neck, and his kimono was being pulled up and, oh no, no, no, it hurt, it hurt,_ it hurt._

_"_Stop, Stop, you're hurting me! I'm... AAAHhh!" He screamed, eyes popping open as the man behind him groaned in pleasure. "You're tearing me open, Stop!"

Yumichika began to cry, arms held behind his back. His body rocked from the powerful thrusts, and he felt like he was going to throw up.

This was supposed to be his safe haven; No one was supposed to be here.

After a moment or two of riding out waves of pain, the despair fled from him and was replaced with raw fury. How dare he intrude upon his fortress and hurt him?

"Ha! Kisama wa kowaii, ne?" Yumichika growled at that, digging his nails into the ground.

He began kicking, screaming, and clawing at the man holding him down. "Get off me, you son of a bitch, I'll kill you! I swear to Kami-sama, I'll kill you, you ugly bastard! _Korosu!_" Yumichika jabbed him in his beer belly with his elbow, and his wrist was grabbed, pressed down to the ground. Yumichika could feel chest hair and sweat touching his skin, and he felt absolutely revolted.

"Let go of me!" He shrieked, "Hanasen! You ugly, worthless bastard!" He beat uselessly against the man's chest, scratching and biting. Oh, how it hurt, how he hurt, he hurt so badly he could hardly bear it. He could feel the _ugly_ seeping into him, into his blood, and he wanted to die, he wanted to _die._

"That's it... Fight me, it gets me off." Yumichika had wormed himself onto his back and spat in the man's eye. "Ack!" He took his chance and kicked the man in the chest, bowling him backwards.

He scrambled to his feet, interlacing his fingers. He swung his connected fists like a bat and slammed the man in the face, catching him by surprise. He was so angry; he'd never been so angry before, he could hardly comprehend anything through this rage.

"How dare you! How dare you touch me! You ugly, disgusting, _vile_ man! Don't you touch me! Shine, Shine_, Shine!"_ Yumichika picked up a large rock and held it over his head with strength he didn't know his emaciated body had. He smashed it down on the man's head with all the force he could muster, and he hit him with it again and again, long after the man had stopped moving.

Yumichika did not cry, but tears were streaming down his face as he dragged the dead man to the front edge of the woods. Maybe it would warn others to stay away and leave him alone.

He needed his safe haven to stay just that after all. Couldn't afford to make exceptions.

He knew, as he reached under his kimono and brought his fingers back bloody, that he couldn't survive much more of this.

* * *

Ikkaku found Yumichika by chance, when the sun was high in the sky. He had thought that he was dead.

He hadn't seen him all autumn, all winter, and all spring. He'd thought he would never find him again, and here he was, just sitting in front of him.

It was an abnormally pleasant day. The sky was blue instead of a dusty grey and the sun was warm, but there was a cool and relaxing breeze blowing through the district. Ikkaku saw him right away.

Rather than in the woods or a bar, this time he was sitting in front of an amezaiku stand. He sat in the shade, watching the incredibly intricate and beautiful, lavender, candy flower be created. His kimono was purple today, matching his eyes, and complimenting the white lily adorning his hime-cut hair. Although it was still long, it wasn't nearly as long as before, going to below his elbows, rather than the backs of his thighs.

Ikkaku felt this overwhelming rush of that feeling that he had never been able to identify. He felt warm, but he was shivering all over. He couldn't move, no matter how hard he tried, and his heart felt… _achey. _What was it? He'd never felt it before, but it felt quite pleasant.

Yumichika was playing with a Chinese finger trap, and was watching the candy stand with rapture-bound eyes. Curling his hair behind an ear with a pinkie, his long eyelashes brushed his cheeks as he looked down, and Ikkaku realized he was standing stock-still. He hadn't seen anything purple in a long time.

The lily in Yumichika's hair fluttered in the breeze, one of the petals coming loose and falling into Yumichika's lap. The way he looked at that moment was imprinted in his memories for years.

Ikkaku had always liked flowers.

* * *

"What's someone pretty like you doin' out here alone?" Ikkaku approached him underneath the blossoming trees. The crows the other man was observing scattered before him. Yumichika gasped, hand over his heart, but looked away from him after his initial shock faded.

He had thought Yumichika was going to run from him for a moment.

He looked as though he recognized Ikkaku, but still he kept his distance. Why, Ikkaku didn't know, but he could see the wary glint in his eye.

Ikkaku's heart clenched a little at the hollow tone of his voice, which was just as honey-smooth as he remembered. He had thought that Yumichika would just tell him to beat it after looking him up and down; dirty, bald ruffian.

But he didn't. He just blinked a little and looked away, a strange little smile crossing his lips. "… Beauty is so solitary, you know…" Yumichika's arms were rigid, and his body was tense.

No one that pretty should sound like that. Not ever.

"Well ya' don't gotta be solitary anymore now, so don't look so gloomy," Ikkaku called him beautiful indirectly, because he felt like it was something he should say, and then sat down right next to him, close enough that their arms touched.

Yumichika did not move away. He was nowhere near as snobby as the rumors made him seem.

Yumichika beamed at him after a moment of hesitation, looking immensely pleased at the hidden compliment. Ikkaku looked back at him, stunned at the sight before him. "Ikkaku, ne? You _are_ Ikkaku, yes? Hai, Hai, I know as much about you as most people do. You travel around fighting people and cut down anyone who stands in your way?" Ikkaku blushed a little bit, scratching the back of his neck.

"Well… Betsu ni… M'not _ruthless_ er' nothin'."

"Hmmm," Yumichika said softly, "Is that so? Pity." Ikkaku's cheeks pinkened in embarrassment.

"Heh, Real funny."

"Hm, How strange you are, Ikkaku, but I think you're quite kind. I could definitely enjoy your company." Yumichika watched the crows closely, which had landed a little ways in the distance, under another tree. "As long as you're not being friendly just so you can get me for free."

"Huh?" Ikkaku scratched the back of his head, and then realized what the other man meant. He probably didn't have a lot of real friends, what with his line of work, but still, the casual way Yumichika had said that made the hairs raise on his arms.

"Oh, no way… I mean, I think you're pretty cute," he hadn't missed the pleased but dangerous flash in the other man's eyes.

"… But I don't do that whole… thing." He made vague gestures indicating sexual acts, with a look of disgust.

The other man laughed a little bit, and Ikkaku's eyes drifted to his face. That laugh had been _real._ What a beautiful sound.

"You mean with men?"

"Oh no, That doesn't bother me… Just… I mean, in _general_, I guess." Ikkaku grimaced, sticking out his tongue.

Yumichika laughed again, smiling genuinely, his eyes flickering with something akin to fondness, or perhaps hope.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Here Comes the Sun – The Beatles._

* * *

"Eh… Don't really have friends, I guess. I travel alone. My personality's sort of..." Ikkaku scratched his head, "Abrasive."

Yumichika laughed a little, and Ikkaku scowled, "Oh, I don't think so; you've been so kind to me." He smiled softly. "I think you're very nice," Yumichika said decisively, pinpointing that warm feeling for what it was. He hadn't felt anything but hatred, disgust, or indifference for another person for so very long. It was quite nice to care for someone actually. "In fact, I like you very much."

"Naruhodo…" Ikkaku said, looking surprised. Then he grinned in his face, and Yumichika could immediately tell that smiling wasn't something he did often, "Heh, you're pretty cute!" The smile was crooked and imperfect, but Yumichika thought it was beautiful.

Yumichika blinked, completely taken aback by the sincere tone of Ikkaku's voice. No one had ever complimented him like… like _that_. He didn't say it with ulterior motives, he said it because he truly believed it was a cold, hard, _fact._

He blinked a few times, heart buzzing pleasantly. "I'm not a woman."

"Che', I know that, baka!" Ikkaku said loudly, waving a hand dismissively, "Geez, yer' the famous Yumichika, I know that you're not a girl! _Yare, yare!_"

Yumichika blinked a few more times.

"Still really pretty," Ikkaku said rather breathlessly, eyes looking right at him rather than through him. "Mou, ikusou! They're havin' a spittin' contest in town!" He was dragged away, rather enthusiastically, by the wrist.

Yumichika allowed it, even though he thought spitting was ugly and unsanitary. He just couldn't say no to that grin on Ikkaku's face, or the eager but gentle hand wrapped around his wrist.

Yumichika smiled. He could do this for a while. He could do this for centuries.

* * *

Yumichika felt as though he had known Ikkaku all his life, even though they'd only actually spoken a few times. In fact, he thinks that maybe they had even played together as children, before the gangs took over the lower Rukongai and trashed the place, trashed their entire world. He thinks that they might have seen each other before, as little children playing kakurenbo or wrestling by the edge of a pond, but he couldn't be sure.

It was so long ago, after all, and all little boys looked nearly the same when they were grubby and poor.

* * *

Ikkaku hadn't seen Yumichika in a couple of days, and although he wouldn't admit it, even in his head, he missed him desperately.

He wondered if Yumichika would travel with him. He could talk to someone while he ate, he could tell someone about his battles, he could smile just because he felt like it. Even if he couldn't put his arms around Yumichika while he slept, it would be nice just to have him lying next to him at night. He could listen to his soft breath, and watch the rise and fall of his chest, and look at his relaxed, sleeping face.

It'd be nice to not have to be lonely anymore.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Maybe – Secondhand Serenade_

* * *

"Oh, Ikkaku-san, Hello." Ikkaku grinned maniacally, limping towards the other man.

"Oi, Yumichika! I was lookin' for ya'!"

"Is that so?" Yumichika arched an eyebrow, and Ikkaku hungrily took in that face. He was quite the vision, and Ikkaku could never get enough, what with his sore eyes. Ikkaku nodded fervently, beckoning him to follow as he limped past him.

He hobbled his way into the inn across the street and sat down at one of the tables in the front room. "Ugh, I'm _starvin'_."

Yumichika looked at him through slitted eyes, and if Ikkaku didn't know any better he would've said that he looked almost... _sly._

"I'm quite hungry as well, if I do say so." Yumichika examined his long nails. Ikkaku noted that Yumichika had pretty hands; they were probably as soft as they looked. Yumichika's words finally registered, and Ikkaku looked up at him in confused disbelief.

"Nani? You've got spiritual pressure too?" Yumichika smiled that fake smile that Ikkaku had seen so many times. It seemed too trained, too involuntary, like he had done it so many times that he didn't even have to think about it anymore. He didn't look up at Ikkaku as he cleaned dirt from underneath his pinkie nail.

"Zannen, ne?" Yumichika said sarcastically.

"No," Ikkaku said, looking stricken, holding up his hands as shaking his head, "That's not what I… I dint' mean ta' sound so shocked-" He cut off and Yumichika waved a hand, rolling his eyes.

"Unfortunately, I _am_ in possession of spirit powers. They're wholly inconvenient to my lifestyle."

"Ya' mean yer'…" Ikkaku gestured inanely, referring to his prostitution. Yumichika looked at him blankly, until Ikkaku rolled his eyes. He made a crude circle with his fingers and poked his index finger through the hole.

"Oh no, that's not what I meant." Yumichika forced a laugh, "I have spent a lot of my time escaping, hiding, and staking out in the wilderness. It's completely inconvenient to grow faint from hunger when you're running for your life. I envy those without spirit pressure." Ikkaku tried to hide his concern with a scowl, putting his elbows on the table rudely.

He didn't say anything for a moment and got this weird look on his face as if he was sticking his tongue backwards to get food out of his teeth.

Ikkaku stuck his pinkie into the back of his mouth, picking at his molars. Yumichika didn't say anything, but wrinkled his nose a little, looking away. Ikkaku stopped, looking sheepish, muttering, "Fuck…" He set a bloody tooth on the table. Yumichika's eyes widened in alarm, before narrowing, but he didn't comment on it.

Yumichika folded his hands. "So, Ikkaku-san. Did you ever consider going to Seireitei?"

"Just say Ikkaku." Ikkaku looked at him, and Yumichika felt unnerved by the eye contact. Ikkaku didn't answer until he nodded, upon which he gave a loud 'Pssh' and rolled his eyes.

"Why would I wanna' protect this shitty place? Anyone who fights to protect nasty people like this is wastin' their time. I'm not gonna' go on suicide missions ta' protect a bunch a' perverted, crack-addicted, smelly, no-sense-havin' idiots who wouldn't even appreciate the gesture." Ikkaku rolled his head back on his shoulders, cracking his neck, before looking at Yumichika out of the corner of his eye, trying to discern his reaction to his speech.

"Well, someday I shall go." Yumichika smiled to himself. "I promised a friend of mine that I would go and meet her there. I agree about the 'smelly idiots' part, but I don't wish to live among such people either, so the alternative is to become a shinigami."

Yumichika smiled a little more, lifting his eyes to Ikkaku's face. "I don't wish to live in filth for longer than I have to."

Yumichika turned his face to the window, and Ikkaku felt regret wash over him, as if he wasn't worthy of the violet eyes' attention any longer. "I'm sure you've thought plenty of times that this is no place for me."

Ikkaku didn't know what to say.

* * *

Yumichika gasped, heart beating wildly as he pressed himself against a tree. He took off running once again, ignoring the shouts from behind him. In his panic, he didn't recognize the now familiar reiatsu.

"Hey! Will ya'... Ack- Fuckin' slow down?! Fuck, _Matte!_"

Yumichika scrambled up a tree, gasping and panting for a few seconds, but going quiet when the guy came up to the bottom of the tree. He couldn't see who it was from so high up, view blocked by all the leaves and branches, so he didn't bother looking down.

"I warn you… My pain-threshold is high," Yumichika hissed, "and I'm not prone towards being humane… You leave me alone, I tell you-"

"Holy fuck. I'm not tryin' ta' _mug_ you," The voice was familiar, and sounded exasperated through the pants and gasps. "Mister Humanitarian-"

"Oh?" Yumichika was surprised at the response, but tried not to show it. He had to remain in control of the situation. 'Show no weakness,' he thought, nodding to himself.

"Then why were you _stalking_ me? _Ne?_"

"Well geez, I just saw ya' go by, and I figured I'd follow ya'. Ya' shouldn't be alone out here, 'ts gettin' dark. Thought we were friends, b'sides." Suddenly it clicked who the voice belonged to.

"Ikkaku? Is it Ikkaku?" Yumichika blinked. Ikkaku 'ya-ed' and Yumichika wrapped his legs around a branch, hanging upside down from it to get a look at the curious and frankly confused Ikkaku. Yumichika crossed his arms, allowing his hair to hang down. "Well what about you? _You're_ all alone, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Ikkaku said ruefully, scratching the back of his neck. "Most people leave me alone 'nless they're lookin' fer' a scrap." He sounded put out, but that wasn't what grabbed Yumichika's attention.

"They do?" Yumichika said curiously. Somehow the thought of Ikkaku being lonely like he was, endeared Ikkaku to him. On top of that, not only was Ikkaku kind and brave, but he was strong and intimidating too. Ikkaku would be quite pleasant to be around. He'd make a nice traveling companion. He would be able to chase off- "Even the stupid, ugly perverts?"

"Especially them. No one wants ta' be around me. People see me comin' an' run." Yumichika nodded in understanding, letting his arms hang down beneath him. Ikkaku approached the bottom of the tree closer, as if contemplating climbing it to get nearer to Yumichika.

"Do you ruin their appetite with that face?" he asked cruelly, wincing a little when Ikkaku grimaced in embarrassment.

"I would'a said 'strikes fear inta' their hearts'," Ikkaku said, sounding as though his confidence had been shattered. His shoulders slumped a little and his eyes dropped to the ground.

Yumichika nodded, feeling as though he needed to apologize or take it back, if only to see that wide, manic grin once again.

"Of course, of course. I was only joking." Ikkaku grinned at that, standing up straighter. Yumichika narrowed his eyes, climbing down from the tree, walking right up to Ikkaku, a little too close for the warrior's comfort, judging from the alarmed look in his eyes. Just this one last test. Would he take the bait? After all, what good is a protector that you need to protect yourself from?

"Of course, your reputation precedes you. I've heard all about you, just as you obviously have about me. So… You're very powerful… Ne?" he purred, and he could tell that his own brand of magic was already working, because Ikkaku broke out in a sweat almost right away. "I _like_ that."

"Powerful?... Well… Y-you could say-" Ikkaku backed up a little from Yumichika, swallowing. Any moment now, Ikkaku would give in and be caught on the hook; He'd fail the test and Yumichika would be done with him. Yumichika grinned, flashing his violet eyes, closing the gap once again, walking his fingers up Ikkaku's chest. "You could say that."

Ikkaku did not bite. He blinked, fingers halting on Ikkaku's chest.

Yumichika's heart fluttered, but he prided himself with the fact that his shock did not show on his face. He hummed, walking around Ikkaku in a circle, looking at him from a few different angles.

He was actually… quite beautiful, and it struck Yumichika roughly. This uncouth, dirty man, was actually extremely handsome to his eye, and Yumichika found that he loved looking at him.

Of course, Yumichika had always thought that the unconventionally attractive were the most so. And Ikkaku was kind and funny and so very interesting too. Yumichika felt more fond of him than he ever had anyone else, and it didn't make sense to him because they had known each other for such a small amount of time.

"Perfect. Just perfect, you're hired," Yumichika joked. Ikkaku grinned briefly, but looked confused as hell.

"Uhh… Nan no tame?"

"Well-" Yumichika sputtered, losing his composure for a moment, "Well, to travel together. To keep me company, if you so wish. After all, you said you were all alone." Yumichika rarely blushed, because he was rarely embarrassed, but he was getting dangerously close to doing so now. "What luck that we found each other, wouldn't you say?"

Ikkaku's face twitched, but he looked pleased to hear those words. "Yeah…" Ikkaku grinned then. Perhaps Yumichika had been wrong. Perhaps Ikkaku genuinely enjoyed his company. He'd have to watch him to make sure, but the very thought of Ikkaku liking him made his heart swell.

"Hm, hm, hm. Beautiful name and a beautiful person attached to it." Ikkaku scratched his head at that, and Yumichika cringed, realizing that those words had been so similar to… Luckily, Ikkaku was quickly distracted by another thought.

"Huh?" he said blankly. "Ya' pullin' my leg er' somethin'? Uso?"

"Hmmm, no." Yumichika blinked prettily. "I'm not pulling anything."

"Yer' a habitual liar, then?" Ikkaku grimaced. Yumichika shook his head, laughing.

"Never mind. Come on then, Ikkaku, let's pick out a china pattern," he ribbed, pinching Ikkaku in the side. Ikkaku swatted him, laughing, trying to ignore that little shiver of happiness he got every time Yumichika said his name.

"Don't make me noogie you,"

"How unbeautiful." Yumichika said it, but for the first time, he said it with a smile on his face.

* * *

"Sit still. Fidgeting is so unbeautiful." Ikkaku huffed, sitting forward, but allowed the other man to wrap the bandage around his head.

Ikkaku acted irritated when in reality he was touched by the gesture of Yumichika cleaning his wounds. Even if the alcohol stung, he didn't complain; Yumichika was taking pretty good care of him after all, and the only price was Ikkaku's company.

When Yumichika allowed the injured Ikkaku into his home and prepared him some rice, Ikkaku took the opportunity to look around. Or as much as he could from where Yumichika had seated him.

Silk and satin kimonos that probably cost a fortune were strewn carelessly over the ground; one was even used as a doormat. There was an old chest in the corner that looked like a pirate's treasure box, and there were glass jars filled with dead butterflies and flowers lining the walls.

'Sorta pretty. Grotesque, but pretty,' Ikkaku thought.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Electric Daisy Violin – Lindsey Stirling_

* * *

"Wow, Ikkaku, You're pretty lucky." Ikkaku for once, smiled. It didn't bother him as much when Yumichika mentioned it, especially since right now his luck was _good._  
Fuck yeah.

"Just keep blowin' on the dice, Yumichika," Ikkaku said, biting his lip as he looked at the huge stack of coins on the ground. They could probably make it all the way to District 75 with that much. "Yer' bringin' me luck, pretty-boy."

"He might be lucky, _Hime-sama_, but he's not lucky enough to roll a twelve _again_." Yumichika stuck his nose in the air at the jab from their opponent, crossing his arms with that haughty expression that Ikkaku loved.

"Don't insult my intelligence, you pig. He's rolled twelve three times in a row already. The odds of him rolling twelve again are still one in thirty six. Don't act like it's such a hard thing to do."

"Wanna?" Ikkaku held up the dice to Yumichika's mouth jokingly, and his hands were blown on again. Ikkaku grinned that crazy grin, rolling…

_Twelve._

"Aaaaiii! Ureshii!" Ikkaku eyes popped open, looking just like a little kid for a moment. Yumichika bit his lip to restrain his giggles. Ikkaku whooped and jumped in the air, starting to dance around a little bit, "Yatta, Yatta! Fuck, yeah, I'm lucky! Lucky, lucky, lucky!" He laughed in the loser's face, "Lucky _me_!"

"Omedetou, Ikkaku,"

"Congratulations _us_, ya' mean. Whoo!" Ikkaku shrieked, scooping the money up into a sack. "Luck, Luck, Luckyyyy~" Yumichika's eyes went wide for a moment, and then he smiled. Ikkaku probably hadn't realized how much that small comment had touched Yumichika's heart.

"Fuck yer' luck," the loser said, and Ikkaku busted out laughing. Yumichika covered his mouth to hide his giggles.

"Ya' wouldn't do so good without that damn lucky charm ya' got." Ikkaku didn't seem to hear the loser as he collected his money, still dancing around a little on his toes.

* * *

Ikkaku wasn't very good at reading or writing. In fact, he could hardly read at all until he met Yumichika, who demanded he learn.

Ikkaku squinted at the signpost. Yumichika looked at him for a moment, "Can you see well?"

"Yeah, I see fine…" He said distractedly, concentrating hard. "These kanji, Damnit…" He mumbled.

"Ikkaku, it's-"

"Stop, stop, lemme' read it,"

"If you can't read a simple signpost then-"

"SHHHH!"

"Geez! Gomen!"

"Ki ni shinaide," Ikkaku mumbled, leaning even closer to the sign. Yumichika rolled his eyes.

* * *

It was just as wonderful as Ikkaku had always imagined it.

His cheeks had never ached more in his life because he was always fucking _grinning_ with Yumichika around. That gorgeous idiot was everything that he had ever wanted. He was beautiful, he was clever, and charming, and _devastatingly_ sarcastic.

Yumichika could sweet talk, Yumichika could pickpocket, Yumichika could seduce, all in the name of helping the two of them survive, but what really mattered was that he was real, he was there and he wasn't going away. He let Ikkaku be close, he let Ikkaku get attached, and he didn't try to con him or manipulate him with his looks. They were each other's exceptions.

Best of all, Yumichika put up with his attitude, his noise level, his bad manners, and he _didn't leave_. And Ikkaku didn't care that this feeling was dangerously close to smitten, because Yumichika was everything that he had wanted. Yumichika slept close enough to him that he could feel his body heat, he was always willing to share food, and he constantly teased Ikkaku, which he fucking _loved_.

He was so happy, so damn happy to no longer be alone.

Yumichika was hunting, pouncing on fireflies, and Ikkaku simply smiled, watching him laugh and hum to himself. He leaned back against the old brick wall and watched the sun wink out from behind the large hills of the endless field.

After a few minutes, he got up and began to chase Yumichika.

* * *

"Touch it."

"No."

_"Touch it,"_

"Fine, I will,"

"Wait, don't."

"Too late,"

"No! Chotto matte! Matte_, matte_! Ack- Kuso!"

Yumichika placed the little brown toad on Ikkaku's head, ignoring his squeals. He smiled. The dirty thing was rather cute with its big dark eyes and crooked fingers. The toad was pretty cute too.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Heavy in your arms – Florence & the Machine_

* * *

Ikkaku came back to their hut late in the night, his entire left side brown with dried blood.

Yumichika sat on his cot, counting the large pile of money in his lap. Ikkaku turned and walked out again, knowing exactly where the money had come from.

He knew that if he didn't get a job soon, that this would continue. They had to eat, after all, and Yumichika wouldn't let them starve, no matter how much he hated his line of work.

Somehow, Ikkaku could hardly stomach food, knowing what Yumichika had to do to get it.

* * *

Yumichika was furious, scrubbing Ikkaku's wound with more force than necessary, "-Irresponsible, and _stupid_-"

"At least I'm _doing_ something other than _whoring around_!" Ikkaku regretted it the moment he said it and snapped his mouth closed with a sharp _click_. Yumichika's eyes widened, and he slapped Ikkaku with quite a bit of force. He stood up, eyes flashing coldly.

"I-" Ikkaku backed up a little, not knowing how to apologize for something like that. He knew how much Yumichika sacrificed to feed the two of them; he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Yumichika got real close to him, gripping his collar, and for a moment, he looked truly _vicious_, eyes cold, and cruel, and _dangerous,_ "Don't you dare disrespect me in such a manner, ever again." Ikkaku felt threatened, a feeling he hadn't experienced many times. He was a little embarrassed to admit to himself that the fear and uncertainty was turning him on.

His scalp prickled and shivers went down his spine. The reiatsu filling the room was suffocating him. Kami-sama, he actually felt _scared_.

Yumichika grabbed Ikkaku's face and dug his long nails into the soft flesh of his cheeks, forcing Ikkaku to look him in the eyes. He was just thankful that Yumichika was looking him in the face; He didn't have a hard-on, hadn't had one in years, but he was thinking that he might if this kept up.

Ikkaku was rigid against Yumichika's body, short nails digging into the floor. His heart was pounding in his ears, so fast that he could hardly believe it.

Ikkaku felt terrified. Yumichika had never been this angry with him before. Sure, he got annoyed, but never as furious as this. What would he do? Would Yumichika leave? Would he leave him here alone?

He could feel killing intent wrapping around his throat, and he could feel the venom in Yumichika's words. With such fire and passion in his violet eyes, Ikkaku thought he was absolutely gorgeous. In all his terrifying, hell-bent glory, he was absolutely gorgeous.

"I know you think me weaker; you do not think me equal to you. Well _I_ do, and you will not talk down to me." Ikkaku jerked under his hands, trying to back away, "No, nigerunai!" Yumichika breathed onto his cheek menacingly, hissing, "Don't move,"

He'd never felt such a strange combination of fear and affection at once and it felt even better than liquor in his veins. What was this feeling?

"You're lucky that I even _speak_ to someone like you. Don't make light of things that you know nothing about, Ikkaku…" Yumichika seethed, breathing heavily, "You have no idea of the suffering I have endured, so don't act like you know anything about my situation." Ikkaku was frozen, completely motionless under that fierce gaze.

Yumichika smacked him on the cheek a couple times, making a mockery of a gentle pat. Ikkaku winced. "You will respect me, Madarame Ikkaku, or expect your luck to run out soon."

Ikkaku's heart clenched at the prospect of being alone again, so when he later heard Yumichika pretending to moan in pleasure behind the bar, covered by some deep grunting from the other man, whoever he was, Ikkaku controlled himself and walked back to their home.

"Yabai," Ikkaku whispered, drilling his knuckles into his eyes.

* * *

Yumichika quit his job at the brothel, deciding that he was going to begin traveling again, whether or not Ikkaku was coming with him.

Ikkaku followed him, praying that Yumichika would forgive him soon. An intense feeling was binding him to Yumichika, and he couldn't let him go now. He had to stick with him at all costs, knowing that that empty, lonely feeling would return with him gone. He wouldn't feel that warmth in his chest, and he wouldn't feel that drive to push onward and become stronger, he would no longer feel pride or confidence. He wouldn't feel at peace or at home in this world. He would no longer smile.

What on earth was this feeling?

Ikkaku sighed, praying once again, that Yumichika would soon forgive him.

Yumichika did, and things continued as if nothing had ever happened.

* * *

_Soundtrack: White Swan – Sil van der Woerd_

* * *

They walked through the wilderness, through the outskirts of the lower Rukon, slowly making their way up through the districts. It was the dead of summer, and the heat was absolutely putrid. They had given up trying to stay cool and just carried their clothes with them, since they had been traveling for hours and hadn't seen anyone.

While Ikkaku was gleaming with sweat, Yumichika just complained of stickiness, and began wondering aloud whether there was any water nearby.

Ikkaku looked out the absolute corner of his eye at that smooth, white skin, feeling like a pervert, like he was taking advantage. He couldn't help himself. Yumichika was even more beautiful than the legends had said, and he couldn't stop himself from watching him walk next to him.

Ikkaku wondered daily how he had gotten so lucky. I mean really,_ the_ Yumichika, was traipsing around the Rukongai with _him._

"Do you think it's clean?"

"Hm?"

"Clean, Ikkaku, is the river water clean, do you think?" Yumichika tilted his head towards him, clutching his flowered silk kimono in his hand. Ikkaku struggled to keep his eyes on Yumichika's face, knowing that Yumichika appearing naked in front of him was an act of immense trust. He couldn't betray that, no matter how tempting it became.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure it's fine," He answered, lifting a hand to his eyes to peer at the distant water. "As long as it's movin' water, then… the only prob'm 'ud be silt."

Yumichika almost made to walk forward but hesitated. "Well... Alright. But don't drink any of it." Yumichika began to walk towards the river and Ikkaku couldn't help but stare after him.

He hung his kimono up on a branch and snapped another off the brittle trunk, and dipped it into the water to test how deep it was. After seeing that it was fine, he cautiously got in, clinging to the grass on the banks.

'Oh my god...' Ikkaku's nether regions twinged, a feeling he hadn't gotten in years. He had begun to think that he was defective or something like that. He couldn't help but think something was wrong with him when a topless barmaid shoved her chest in his face and he didn't feel _anything. _

Ikkaku covered himself with his hands and squeezed viciously. 'Not that I'm not happy to know that you're not broken, but go to sleep_, please.'_

"Holler if you see anyone coming, Ikkaku."

"Yeah," He said aimlessly, sort of shaking himself off, shivering at the sight of that slinky elegant back. His skin was so smooth and pale, and he seemed to glow. He just looked so _soft. _He was graceful too; he moved like a dancer, like a panther.

Yumichika pulled his wet, shiny hair behind him and rubbed water over his arms, skin gleaming.

"Holy shit," Ikkaku whispered, curling his toes into the ground. He knew that Yumichika had probably only become friends with him because he had seemed uninterested in him and his many _assets. _Ikkaku was the only person out here who wanted him for his personality, and Ikkaku knew that that was the reason Yumichika had even given him a chance in the first place.

Water droplets rolled down Yumichika's spine so slowly, and Ikkaku bit the inside of his lip viciously. Whatever he did, he couldn't lose that friendship.

He ran and jumped into the cold water before Yumichika could turn around and see him.

* * *

Yumichika woke slowly, not for the first time, feeling fingers trailing over his arm, and hot breath on his shoulder. He inwardly sighed.

And then, his breath froze.

He hadn't been at the brothel for three months now. There shouldn't be anyone touching him. So who was it? His mind raced a million miles an hour, and his eyes snapped open.

That was _Ikkaku's_ hand on his shoulder.

'What is he doing?' He thought, eyes wide. 'Oh my god... Oh my god!'

He struggled to keep his breathing even as his heart began racing. Ikkaku's hand ran down his back, lower and lower, 'He's gonna' try to rape me, I_ knew_ he was gonna' rape me, what was I thinking, _what was I thinking-'_

Ikkaku's warm breath ghosted over his shoulder, and he stroked his arm with a feather-light touch. Yumichika's heart stopped. Was he… No…

Yumichika looked out of the corner of his eye, looking at the fingers curled around his arm. There was blood under Ikkaku's nails, but his callused skin had given him the softest touch he had felt in years.

"Beautiful..." Ikkaku's voice cracked a little bit as he whispered into the crisp Rukongai air. "The most beautiful... thing, I've..." He sighed, and abruptly pulled his hands away.

Yumichika felt cold all night long.

* * *

Yumichika laughed with delight as Ikkaku lifted him up onto his shoulders so he could see the distant fireworks.

"Oh, Ikkaku, is this all there is to life? This can't be all there is, can it? There has to be more."

When Yumichika's long, sweet-smelling hair hung down into his face, he didn't say a word.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Are You Hurting the One You Love – Florence & The Machine_

* * *

Ikkaku spat onto the floorboards, kneeling behind Yumichika, tossing him his bloody sword, "Here. Scrub it n' I'll rub yer' back like I promised."

"Would you brush my hair as well, Ikkaku?" Ikkaku nodded. "Be gentle on it, please."

"Yeah, yeah, I won't hurt'ch'yer' precious hair."

Yumichika smiled wryly, kneeling neatly with his feet tucked under him. Ikkaku stowed the comb behind his ear, gathering all of Yumichika's hair in his hands and putting it over his shoulder, pressing his thumbs in along Yumichika's spine. "'M not very good; I haven't done this before, so tell me if I hurt ya' or somethin'."

Ikkaku mimicked what Yumichika did for him, rolling his knuckles over Yumichika's shoulders. Yumichika sighed, tipping his head forward, letting Ikkaku move upwards to his neck.

He soon lapsed into his tale of battle, bringing the dark mass of Yumichika's hair back over his shoulder, parting it and smoothing it with his fingertips.

Yumichika had expected to have quite a few clumps of hair yanked out, but Ikkaku was surprisingly gentle; Yumichika hadn't known that Ikkaku had had a lot of practice on his sisters.

"An' then he just _stood_ there, knees knockin' n' shit. What the hell?! The fucker almost pissed his pants; What'm I doin' fightin' losers like this, m' gettin' ready ta' give up-"

Yumichika smiled, wiping blood off of Ikkaku's sword. Ikkaku's fingers picked through his long hair, working right up to the roots. They kept sliding through over and over, long after Ikkaku had finished combing it out.

It warmed his heart to know that such a vicious fighter treated him so gently.

* * *

Yumichika eyed Ikkaku in disbelief from across the little rowboat for a second before frowning, "Wow… You're actually seasick." Ikkaku clung to the sides of the boat, face a sickly green, as the boat rocked dangerously on the waves. Yumichika hadn't known at the time that Ikkaku couldn't swim but had gotten into the boat anyway, rather than be left alone, even for a few hours.

"The hell I am!" He shouted.

"The hell you aren't." Yumichika retorted, scoffing.

"The hell I-" Ikkaku threw up over the edge of the boat.

* * *

They had stopped on their way through the forest, having come across a waterfall. They hadn't been able to bathe in weeks, and Yumichika insisted on them washing up, saying something about Ikkaku smelling awful.

They stood back to back, and Ikkaku only did so because he wasn't sure if his body was going to betray him again. Yumichika probably looked fuckin' gorgeous with the water curling his hair and making his skin gleam.

Yumichika hummed softly, and Ikkaku squeezed his eyes shut, scrubbing his face roughly, '_Get a grip, you don't want him to be scared of you. You're not a pervert. You're not.'_

He breathed out, turning to the side, letting the water run over the face. It felt nice, crisp and cold after being dusty and dry for so long.

He couldn't help but take a glimpse as Yumichika wrung out his hair and got dressed.

"I know what you said about havin' lotsa' scars, but I don't see any on ya'," Ikkaku said, holding his dirty clothes under the spray of water and scrubbing the dirt out. He lay it out on a rock and sat next to it, eyes glued to the sky.

Yumichika mumbled something about scars not needing to be visible to the eye, and Ikkaku didn't know what to think of that, other than it made his heart hurt terribly.


	8. Life Two: Act II, Part 2

_Part 2 ((AN, Act II was meant to be one chapter, but it was just too dang long, so I cut it in half. Pretend there wasn't a break here.))_

* * *

I can honestly say... I was having the time of my life, living out there with him.

* * *

The pillar collapsed; Ikkaku could clearly hear it as he continued fighting the half dozen bandits with his bokken and katana. In the corner of his perception, he could sense Yumichika fighting back there somewhere.

He whipped around for a moment and was satisfied to see one of Yumichika's opponents was lying dead on the ground.

Ikkaku smiled knowingly, turning back to his fight. Then it happened; That shriek pierced his ears and chilled him to the core of his very bones. There was a sharp, sudden pain in his gut that made him feel like he had been stabbed. He knew that voice, and it made cold, dark_ fear_ wash over him.

And with a vague sort of horror, he watched as a second pillar fell on Yumichika, dead in the center of his back, crushing him. Yumichika's agonized screaming cut off abruptly as the other remaining man kicked him in the head.

Suddenly, Ikkaku's sister was in Yumichika's place, and the boot seemed to descend so slowly and with such _force_, crushing her skull, bursting it, wet, bloody, and messy, splattering the ground.

The man kicked Yumichika's head and stomped on his face, before his head was cleaved from his shoulders.

Ikkaku gained the devil's strength, and frankly, the devil's luck too, and the tale of slaughter was told in that district for years to come. In the back of his mind, he'd heard a voice laughing, saying something he couldn't quite make out.

That was the first time he'd ever heard Yumichika scream.

* * *

Ikkaku got sick of watching Yumichika struggle in the corner of the room with his fraying kimono. He snatched the stray threads and watched as a certain red strand stuck to Yumichika's finger.

* * *

They were travelling again, not caring where they were going to, just that it was somewhere; After a great many months, they had made it through another winter, and were approaching the truly horrendous day of Shigatsu Baka.

After a day of camping in the woods, Yumichika was sitting serenely on the forest floor, waiting for Ikkaku to return from the nearby town. Ikkaku of course, took this opportunity to spook Yumichika, by jumping out at him, yelling the customary 'Gotcha', or something of the sort.

Soon he realized that he had really scared Yumichika quite badly, when he saw that he wasn't heaving with gasps of fear or surprise, but trying not to _cry._ Of course, Ikkaku felt like a complete asshole and weakly explained what day it was and that it was just a prank.

Yumichika meant to laugh and brush it off then, really he did, but his heart was constricting with terror and his lungs were somewhere in his throat and his eyes were brimming with tears for no rational reason. All he could manage to say without sounding like a dying frog was, "Oh."

Ikkaku looked at him with rapidly growing dismay, as he realized that he had in fact, driven strong, unruffable, forever-unafraid Yumichika to tears. He began waving both hands madly, backing away in a meek fashion, "No, no, no, no, no! Don't _cry,_ I didn't mean ta'- I'm sorry, I shouldn'ta'... I'll never do it again, I'm so sorry, Yumi',_ please_ don't start cryin'-"

Yumichika shook his head a little, trying to calm his still rapidly beating heart, and the spike of terror that Ikkaku had incited in him. Why had that bothered him so much? He knew that he was safe now that he had Ikkaku. He knew that he was strong enough now to take care of himself. He knew that he would never be hurt again by that man who had kept him locked in a basement. So why had this feeling been plaguing him so much lately?

Perhaps now that he was finally in the summertime of his life, the very spire of his freedom and bliss, he was terrified of returning to previous times of misery and pain.

He scrubbed the heel of his hand across his eyes, because the tears were beginning to escape despite his best efforts, exhausted, bitter, furious tears, and he couldn't stop gasping around the ache in his throat.

Ikkaku ducked behind a bush, giving him quite a bit of space. He then cautiously peered over the edge of the brambles, to see if Yumichika was still on the verge of sobbing. His tattooed eyes were wracked with pain and were almost frightened; They made Yumichika want to apologize to Ikkaku for being so weak and broken, for making a warrior like him feel so helpless. He began choking on sobs, this whole situation upsetting him terribly. He felt so stupid and ugly, and he was beginning to shake violently, further cementing his despair at being such a useless weak creature.

Ikkaku flinched smaller behind the bush, only his eyes, bald head, and fingertips visible above the edge of it now. He watched Yumichika weep, helpless and miserable. "Oh Yumi', what did I do wrong- Please don't shake, Yumichika."

Ikkaku was a warrior. Warriors were strong and brave. Yumichika was crying and Ikkaku could _see_ him, he would think him weak and leave- No, no, no!

Anxiety curled up the inside of Yumichika's stomach and up his throat and out his mouth, and suddenly he was having an attack, whole body freezing up. He clutched the sides of his head and began straining against something, eyes frightfully wide, mouth open, trying to force this _pain_ out. A sheen of sweat broke out almost immediately.

"Oh, holy crap, stop, _stop-" _Ikkaku leapt out of the bushes, cowardice forgotten, and grabbed Yumichika, crushing his stiff body to his chest and started stroking his hair awkwardly, "Just caaalm down, everything's fine. I'm here with ya',"

Ikkaku didn't understand until later that when he had scared Yumichika, he had thought that his attacker had returned for him.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Fix You – Coldplay_

* * *

Ikkaku combed Yumichika's long hair, legs on either side of Yumichika's kneeling form. He ran his fingers through the silky mass over and over again, reveling in the soft, smooth feeling. "I… Hey…"

Yumichika made a noncommittal noise to show that he was listening.

"I… I know I hurt your feelings when I said that stuff about your work... But… I didn't mean to say it like that." Yumichika didn't say anything. " When I say stupid shit like that, don't pay any attention, cuz' I do it a helluva' lot. I didn't mean to insult ya'… I just meant that someone like you deserves better things."

Yumichika tilted his head to the side just far enough that Ikkaku could see his eyelashes. He continued to comb Yumichika's hair.

"Why do you…_ do_ that with all those nasty guys?" Ikkaku wrinkled his nose, speaking more candidly than he meant to. "I mean… You're _beautiful_ n' stuff, you could have _anyone_…" He went on, not really knowing why he was saying such things, but he knew that he meant them from the bottom of his heart. "You're as classy as they come, Yumi… You could have someone who'd treat you nice and… Give ya' anything ya' wanted… n' care for ya'…"

Yumichika sighed, and Ikkaku wondered if he was thinking of a past sweetheart or something. "Why would you give yourself up so freely to people who don't appreciat'cha?…" Yumichika didn't say anything, so he kept talking to fill the silence. "… I really wish you would let me take care of you… I know you have yer' pride, but… I just want ta' take care a' you an' stuff like you take care a' me… I'd get a job… I mean it,"

Yumichika didn't say anything, sitting stock still; At least Ikkaku knew he was listening.

"Nasty guys, really. I know ya' hate ugly stuff… And they sure are ugly… Yer' pretty brave… How'd'ya do it? Ya' can't possibly enjoy it..." Ikkaku grimaced, imagining a hulking body bending Yumichika over and covering his pristine body with common filth.

"How do I do it…" Yumichika seemed to contemplate this for a moment, enjoying the feel of the comb on his scalp.

"In the dark it doesn't matter how ugly you are." Yumichika sat perfectly still, allowing Ikkaku to continue combing his hair. "So if I don't look at them, then I can think of someone beautiful… and kind." His voice was emotionless, but there was something in it that made Ikkaku feel horrible.

Ikkaku's heart clenched as he thought of Yumichika in bed with anyone, even if they _were_ beautiful and kind, and he couldn't explain to himself why.

* * *

Dead mangled bodies surrounded Yumichika and his torn, red kimono. Ikkaku couldn't for the life of him see where the cloth ended and the blood began, because the fresh blood seeping down Yumichika's legs was just as red as the dark, silk fabric. Yumichika's face was wet, and his pained, humiliated tears made tracks through the blood and dirt on his cheeks.

Ikkaku dropped his bloody sword and told him, "I have no choice... but to make you stop now… I'm gonna' take care of you, okay? You're not doin' this anymore. We'll get money some other way."

Ikkaku looked him dead in the eye. "And if it happens again…" His fist clenched. "It won't."

* * *

They had learned a lot from each other.

Ikkaku learned how to swim, and Yumichika learned how to efficiently clean bloodstains. Ikkaku learned to hide a knife up his sleeve and to smooth talk, while Yumichika learned street slang and how to anticipate a punch.

Mostly they learned to let other people in.

* * *

Ikkaku tossed the blanket over Yumichika's naked form once again, for what had to be like the _twentieth_ time in the last ten minutes. Yumichika was lounging in front of the fire after his bath, and kept moving the blanket off of himself, much to Ikkaku's dismay and utter mortification.

Not that Ikkaku wasn't enjoying basking in Yumichika's naked glory, it just made him feel horribly uncomfortable. "Will you," Ikkaku spluttered, "_stop_ that!"

Yumichika ignored him, sliding his legs together enticingly, pulling the blanket back off. Ikkaku huffed, scrubbing at his eyes. "Oh Ikkaku, I just don't understand it," Yumichika said pitifully, frowning. "He was _so_ handsome. How could he resist me?"

Ikkaku gently draped the blanket back over Yumichika's bare back, mumbling something about catching a chill. "How could he resist, Ikkaku?" Yumichika looked up at him like he knew the answer.

"I dunno'," Ikkaku replied simply.

Yumichika flung the blanket away from him, complaining about its itchiness, but Ikkaku knew that it was just a subdued form of a tantrum. "Maybe he… I dunno'... _Wasn't interested?_" He said it sarcastically, but it was completely lost on Yumichika. A contemplative look came over Yumichika's face.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Yumichika moved his long wet hair over his shoulder, turning onto his back, raising his damp knees to the warmth of the fire. Ikkaku turned away. Yumichika was real fuckin' pretty, illuminated by those flames.

"Wasn't interested, I said."

"Well that doesn't make _any_ sense," Yumichika said. "I don't see why he wouldn't want me." Yumichika grew almost distressed then, "I'm beautiful!"

Ikkaku grunted once, sharpening his katana on a rock absently, eyes focused on the long stretch of white skin that was Yumichika's side. "Maybe he doesn't like boys."

"It shouldn't be about boys," Yumichika said, sounding upset. "It should be about who's the most beautiful!" Yumichika said it as if that was the be-all end-all.

Ikkaku realized then, that the guy, whoever he was, had _really_ hurt Yumichika's feelings. He wasn't feeling very beautiful, and he wanted some sort of reassurance. Which might mean he would turn his charm on any man in the vincinity, just to check if he 'still had it'.

Ikkaku cringed, wondering if this meant he was going to sleep with the entire neighborhood now. Ikkaku worried about him when he did stuff like that; It wasn't so much that he was _promiscuous_, just that well, there were still some people out here who would _hurt_ Yumichika, _really badly,_ just for daring to have such a flamboyant personality.

"Not everyone thinks that way, Yumichika," Ikkaku said with a warning tone. Yumichika turned his face to Ikkaku, and his eyes were dark and seductive, and Ikkaku knew that he was in trouble. That was that look he got when he was using his… his _wiles_. Ikkaku wasn't completely convinced that it wasn't some magic spell.

"And you?" Yumichika purred, crawling towards him, and Ikkaku wished he hadn't sat so close to Yumichika, because the pretty thing - who could give an incubus a run for his money - was upon him very quickly.

He was warm and wet and naked, and _wonderfully_ soft. He slithered over Ikkaku's body like a snake, fluttering his eyelashes once. Ikkaku couldn't break eye contact with him and he didn't know why. Yumichika smelled just _so_ nice, and it was causing horror to start creeping into his bones.

This had to be a test. That's it. One of Yumichika's little tests, to see if he would take the bait. Yumichika was convinced – and Ikkaku knew so – that Ikkaku was just waiting for the opportunity to have his way with him, that Ikkaku was only following him because he thought he had a chance of bedding him.

Of course, he _wasn't_ interested. He had never really been interested in anything in that sort of way, so obviously, Yumichika didn't really have a chance either. But still, it wasn't fair for Yumichika to use those _eyes_ on him. It was making it really difficult to function normally, even though lust wasn't something that had any sort of hold on Ikkaku.

Ikkaku kept leaning backwards as Yumichika approached further, practically climbing on him to lean into his face. "What do _you_ think of me, Ikkaku…" Yumichika's voice was low, and sweet, and _dulcet_ and oh god, Ikkaku was so tempted to touch his soft, nice-smelling hair.

"What do you mean," Ikkaku asked flatly, swallowing thickly. He had to pass. He had to pass. He had to pass. He repeated that mantra in his head over and over and over.

"Absolutely nothing," Yumichika whispered, sliding a finger along Ikkaku's lower lip. Ikkaku gently pushed Yumichika off of him, not missing the intrigued glint in Yumichika's eyes.

"If you're compliment fishin', just say so," Ikkaku said, turning his face away, because he was blushing furiously, still warm where Yumichika had pressed against him. Was he a good friend? Or was he just an idiot for not taking what was lounging so plainly naked in front of him, purring like he was in heat?

"First one's free," Ikkaku grunted, rolling his eyes. "Just cause' one guy wasn't interested doesn't mean yer' losin' yer' touch or somethin'. Yer' still beautiful as ever, Yumi'. Don't let it… get to ya'," he finished awkwardly.

"How sweet," Yumichika said tonelessly and went silent, turning back to the fire. "I just don't understand…"

"I know," Ikkaku said, knowing that Yumichika wanted to be comforted. Yumichika turned to him, pulling the itchy blanket onto himself of his own free will, and beamed at Ikkaku like he was the sun and stars of his very world. He got the feeling that he'd finally passed.

Ikkaku smiled softly. If he was an idiot, or under some kind of spell, he didn't give one single ounce of a fuck.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Ever – Emilie Autumn_

* * *

Yumichika glanced at Ikkaku and wondered why, why he had allowed this man to remain in his life for so long. There was no simple explanation. Why had he?

Ikkaku was rude, Ikkaku was crass and loud and _dirty_. Everything that Yumichika disliked. So why did it seem desirable and lovable when it came to Ikkaku?...

He knew that he could have far more refined company; he was _beautiful_ and _charming_ and _clever._ What was he doing with someone like Ikkaku? Why did he feel so…

Ikkaku grinned, ripping a handful of daisies from the ground. He tossed them, roots and all, onto the pile of dead men at his feet. "Rest in a thousand motherfuckin' pieces."

Yumichika smiled. What was this warm feeling? Was he sick? It couldn't be _love_, could it?

_'No. That would be impossible.'_

Yumichika looked at Ikkaku; the glint off his forehead seemed like a bright star, and the bloodstains all over his body seemed like rose petals. That crazed grin made him seem as though he were glowing against the dusty grey of their surroundings. He was perfect, and it made Yumichika feel so complete that he could hardly bear it.

He thought of all the secrets he'd shared with Ikkaku, and how the other man had stood by him through thick and thin_._ Ikkaku never judged him, he just accepted him for what he was and never asked him to change.

Ikkaku had never looked at him with lust in his eyes, and he had never said anything perverted to him, never given him any reason to feel threatened or taken advantage of; He was always gentle and caring, even when his words were gruff and impersonal. He was unlike anything Yumichika had ever encountered, and he _liked_ it.

Ikkaku was very, very special. Yumichika smiled.

It couldn't be anything _but_ love that he felt at this point.

And suddenly, an intense wave of sadness overcame him. He looked up at Ikkaku, smile fleeing from his face. Ikkaku's smile diminished slightly, before disappearing as well.

Blood had Ikkaku's clothes almost completely soaked through, and it was far from the first time. Yumichika's heart clenched and ached, horrified to realize that he was basically in love with a walking corpse. It was only a matter of time before Ikkaku met someone who he could not kill, and then he would be left alone again.

No matter how much it hurt, Yumichika decided right then that Ikkaku's goals were his own now; That was what it meant to love someone.

'_I will drag you to the top, Ikkaku. I will not hesitate, I will not falter. Even if it kills me, I will drag you to the top. There is no doubt in my mind that you were made for me, and that is why I will sacrifice everything I have for you,'_

Yumichika turned his face away from Ikkaku's, sensing the dismay that his sudden drop in mood was causing him. It hurt, but it was love. A quiet, sad kind of love that suddenly jumped up and screeched in your face, shaking you with such vigor that you don't know what to do. It was horrible.

_'No matter what, I will make sure you fulfill your dreams. I will drag you to the top. You are a jewel; Precious and special. I promise, I will make you king, Ikkaku.'_

Yumichika walked over to Ikkaku and embraced him in earnest, even though it didn't fit the moment. He felt Ikkaku's arms tense, hover over him, and then melt into his hug, patting his back gently.

_'And then maybe one day, I will be worthy of loving you.'_

* * *

Ikkaku crawled after Kenpachi, not even noticing Yumichika behind him, clutching the fabric of his kimono so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

All he could think about was his sister asking for death. He had curled his hand through her crumpled one and stabbed her, impersonally and without a tear in his eye. If she could fight no longer, than it was his last duty to end her suffering, even if he felt as though the blade was piercing his own heart.

Death wasn't such a horrible thing compared to the torture she had endured. She had not run from her battle, not like he had. She had survived so much, and after she could fight no longer, her battle ended. The greatest honor was to go down fighting, like his sister.

He had to die, even if he was terrified. Even if his heart was beating so fast that he could hardly bear it, even if he was so weak that he could hardly lift his face to the sun. Even if he was so scared of death that it petrified him, he _had_ to die, because he was a warrior, and he would go down with honor like his sister.

"Kill me!" Ikkaku shouted, eyes crazed, "Finish me off, I can't fight anymore!"

_'I am not a coward. I am a warrior. I am not afraid of death. I'm not. I am Madarame Ikkaku, and I am not afraid.'_

"Eh? You're still breathing?" Was this some kind of joke to him? He was _ready_, he was ready _now!_

"Are you makin' fun a' me?! _Kill me!" _he shouted desperately, blood running down his face and dripping off of him in little rivulets. He was flat on his belly, clawing his way after Zaraki. "What's wrong with you?! Finish me off, you won! _KILL ME!"_

"Not my job," Kenpachi hardly turned to look at him, "I have no interest in killing someone who can't fight anymore." Ikkaku could not accept that; he could not negate everything that he had believed in his whole life so easily. He could not keep living now that he had worked up the courage to die.

"The hell is wrong with you?!" Kenpachi grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up to his face.

"Shut up! Survive, and think only about killing the person who failed to kill you." Kenpachi then grinned. "It's not like I didn't go all out on you; you were just lucky,"

Ikkaku felt chills go down his spine and he couldn't move, he couldn't do anything but stare back into Kenpachi's eyes.

'_Lucky?'_

"Live, and get me back later," Ikkaku fell to his knees, completely stunned, feeling a faint _chink_ somewhere in his chest.

All of this could end. All of it. His revenge would be complete. He was lucky and survived. He had the rest of his life to find and slaughter his father, who had left him alive. He had the rest of his life to rematch this guy to thank him for fixing _everything _that had been wrong with him.

'_Lucky… If my luck isn't always good, then give me power too. Give me power, so that I can protect myself and the people I love when my luck turns sour.' _Ikkaku blinked,_ 'Give me some sort of blessing, Kami-sama, because luck is a chaotic thing on its own. Give me something.'_

Yumichika stood up, and stopped a few paces behind him, violet eyes flashing.

Zaraki didn't look back at him, "W-… Hey!… Wa-Wait!" Ikkaku shouted, trying not to notice the desperation in his own voice, "Tell me… Tell me your name, Please!"

"Kenpachi. Kenpachi Zaraki." Ikkaku stared after him, his eyes as wide as plates, looking after the devil with the little cotton-candy-haired baby on his shoulder.

He'd never felt such overwhelming respect and gratitude for someone, and a huge weight was taken off his heart. His luck wasn't a curse, but a blessing. Sometimes the blessings were disguised with gore, but blessings is what they were.

'_Live, You asshole_,_'_ a voice spoke in his ear, the same voice he'd been hearing for a long time.

He dragged himself after Kenpachi, smearing the man's footprints with his own blood. He wanted to walk like that, with self-assurance, with dignity. He wanted to say he was unafraid to die and _mean it_.

That's all he wanted. To never be afraid again.

* * *

"-But they don't got anythin' like that, _do_ they_. Complete_ waste of a ton a' money and time ta' get ta'tha' main event."

"Well." Yumichika said, poking the fire with a stick, crossing his legs. Kenpachi stared at the two of them, sleeping baby in his lap.

They had just sort of _showed up_ a few days ago and had been following him around and talking to him like they were all friends; He didn't understand this at all.

Then again, perhaps it was normal. _He_ didn't know. Hell, the only human interactions he'd really had were with the people he fought and killed, and Yachiru, the baby who could not talk back to him.

"Well?" Ikkaku said, "Well, _what?!" _

"They do," Yumichika replied simply, curling hair behind his ear. Kenpachi rolled his eyes. Ikkaku was quiet for a few moments, face flickering in the light of the fire.

Kenpachi was pretty damn sure these fuckers were _not_ normal.

"Great. Fucking great. Got any plans for dealing with that when it rears its head?" Ikkaku asked angrily, as if this was _all_ Yumichika's fault, with a 'how dare you bring this misfortune upon us' tone.

"Rears its _ugly_ head, you mean," Yumichika said firmly. "Um… how about kill it?" Well fuck, Kenpachi liked that idea very much, and by association, he liked Yumichika too. Simple and to the point. Yumichika was his kind of guy, even with that flower in his hair.

"Ugh, c'mon," Ikkaku whined in annoyance, batting away a moth that was beating around their ears, drawn to the flames. He looked up at Yumichika when he didn't respond. "_C'mon_, I said!"

"I wasn't aware that _I_ was responsible for thinking of all the _plans_, Ikkaku." Ikkaku groaned and slapped his feet against the ground in frustration, but he went quiet.

Kenpachi was silent for a moment, staring at the two. "So… You guys fuckin' er' somethin'?"

Ikkaku choked a little, staring back at Kenpachi. Yumichika didn't bat an eyelash, but grimaced.

* * *

"Kenpachi-san?" Yumichika asked sweetly, tapping Zaraki on the shoulder. He looked sufficiently cowed when Yumichika batted his eyelashes. "Do you mind if I hold your baby for a little while?"

Kenpachi tightened his arms around Yachiru defensively, who was sucking on her fingers, completely oblivious to his plight. There seemed something inherently _wrong _about Yachiru not being either in his arms or on his shoulder. He hadn't let her out of his sight since he had found her, and he didn't really know these people too well… But what harm was there in it?

Kenpachi handed her over, and Yachiru immediately beamed and squealed as Yumichika took her into his arms, smiling right back.

"What a beautiful little girl you have," Yumichika cooed.

"She's not… mine," Kenpachi said awkwardly, still not knowing how this conversation thing was supposed to work. "I found her."

Yachiru tried to yank on Yumichika's hair, but he gave her such a death glare that she released it immediately.

"Of course, but she's yours now, isn't she?" Yumichika sat down, leaning against a tree, letting Yachiru bend and straighten her legs in his lap. She giggled hysterically and Yumichika smiled widely, tickling her sides. Ikkaku peeked at the two of them, looking quite interested, but scowled when Kenpachi spotted him.

"What are you doing?" Ikkaku asked as gruffly as he could, feeling a little jealous - of Yachiru or Yumichika, he had no idea.

"Oh, Ikkaku, do you want to play with her too?" Yumichika offered.

Kenpachi felt slightly uneasy at that, but he couldn't help but grin when Yumichika thrust Yachiru into Ikkaku's arms without waiting for an answer. Ikkaku visibly panicked and held her under the armpits at arm's length for a couple seconds before awkwardly clutching her to his chest.

"No, no, take her back!" Ikkaku whined. "What if I drop her?"

"Don't," Yumichika said simply. "Play with her for a while."

"I don't know how." Ikkaku looked at the baby distrustfully, who was patting on the side of his head. Yachiru began to wriggle and try to crawl onto Ikkaku's shoulder, so she could get a look at his scalp.

"Geez, get down!" he whined, picking her off of him by her little shirt, and setting her down on the ground, sitting next to her. "Aho," he mumbled, letting her crawl onto his chest and peek inside of his yukata.

"I think she likes you." Yumichika beamed.

* * *

They had only traveled with Kenpachi and Yachiru for about a year, before the two just disappeared one night.

Ikkaku insisted that they find them, without even knowing where to start, and Yumichika agreed. Mysteriously, it slipped Yumichika's mind that Kenpachi had told him the night before that they were heading to Seireitei.

Yumichika allowed himself to be content in his selfishness for a little while, swearing to himself that he would tell Ikkaku eventually.

* * *

"I don't know why you don't take your lady-friend home, Ikkaku, she's quite… Um, pretty," he forced.

Ikkaku grumbled something about her not being his girlfriend, and if he kicked the ground a couple of times, it _definitely_ wasn't because he was embarrassed and trying to cover it up.

"You could get lucky with her, I think."

Ikkaku twitched a little, whirling around, pointing in his face. "That's not luck, Yumichika. That's. _Not_. Luck." He scowled. "I don't even like her anyways, n' yer' prettier than her."

"Oohh, really? How sweet," he cooed, knowing that Ikkaku had only said that to divert his attention. Ikkaku shoved him a little, exhaling hotly.

"Yeah, yeah." He scowled with a little less malice, and Yumichika wondered if maybe he _had_ meant it.

"You should still consider her, Ikkaku. Anything other than a stripper out here is already a step up," he sing-songed. "I mean, look at me. I may be beautiful, and classy, and _wonderful_, but even _I _was an escort at one point. Not really any escaping it; Finding her was… Quite lucky."

"No…" Ikkaku looked right at him, and suddenly Yumichika felt exposed and uncomfortable. "Finding her was an accident. Finding _you_ was lucky." Yumichika's heart completely melted, and he could feel his face soften for a moment. Yep, he was definitely still hopelessly in love.

"I know what you're doing," he smiled slyly.

"Damnit," Ikkaku swore, but smirked a little, and that time Yumichika knew that he _had_ meant what he had said.

"I suppose we can drop it."

"_Thank_ you."

Yumichika smiled, telling himself that jealousy was something he would _not_ feel, even if Ikkaku _did_ end up taking her home with him. He could only hope that what he perceived as an endless vow of celibacy on Ikkaku's part really was endless.

* * *

_Soundtrack: "__Edward Scissorhands" – Original Expanded Soundtrack- Danny Elfman_

* * *

Yumichika froze, chills going down his spine. That man looking back at him, where had he seen him before?

He felt that he should know; Even worse, he felt that he was in horrible danger. He felt as though he was going to die, right there in the middle of the street. He grabbed onto Ikkaku's arm for support.

Yumichika swallowed and began to shake, fearing that he was going to vomit. Ikkaku nudged him, "Hey, Yumi, ya' don't look so good. Are ya' feelin' okay?" He glanced up and said in a low voice, "He botherin' ya'?... Yumi." Ikkaku nudged him again, "Yumi, do you know 'im, he's starin'."

"He…" Yumichika heaved once, before clapping a hand over his mouth, clutching his stomach. It hit him all at once. The man from the prison. The man who had held the towel over his mouth as they drowned him on dry land. The man who had raped him, burned him, and starved him.

From the looks of things, he recognized Yumichika too, and was walking this way. Yumichika gripped Ikkaku's arm, long nails digging into his bicep.

"Tell him to beat it, Yumi, or I'm gonna' cut him up." Ikkaku was alarmed at the reaction Yumichika had to seeing the man. His eyes were growing wide, and he looked extremely concerned about the grey pallor Yumichika's skin had taken.

"Yumi', yer' fuckin' _shakin'_. Say somethin'… Yumi." Ikkaku bent over to look into Yumichika's petrified eyes. "What's wrong, is he scarin' ya'?" he whispered, as now the man was almost in front of them.

"He…" Yumichika looked up at Ikkaku. "I'm gonna' throw up," he breathed, deathly pale.

The man grinned, and Ikkaku stood in front of Yumichika, bolstering his chest as he reached back to nudge Yumichika fully behind him. "Well, aren't we lucky…" Ikkaku twitched.

"What?" he snapped, close to exploding, thinking of a coin being tossed. He always did when anyone other than Yumichika mentioned luck. Even though Kenpachi had changed his opinion on it, it was still a touchy subject.

"I see you've found my slave." Ikkaku glanced behind him at Yumichika. He was clinging to the back of Ikkaku's yukata, trying to contain his dry-heaves, shaking uncontrollably. He was having a full on anxiety attack, and it was freaking Ikkaku out. Yumichika had never acted that way, not even after he had been raped. Yumichika was strong; Yumichika was cruel and cold and didn't let things get to him.

Yumichika was hyperventilating.

Ikkaku's eyes narrowed. That man was making Yumichika shake so horribly, so right away, he wanted to rip out his guts and force feed them to him raw.

"How's he been doin'? Genki da ka?" The man grinned widely, but Ikkaku scowled.

"He's been bathing, for one," Ikkaku wrinkled his nose at the foul stench coming off of the other man, and hoped that if he ever smelled like that, that Yumichika would slap him with a bar of soap.

Yumichika backed up before fully retreating to the edge of the street, sitting down in front of a shop. Ikkaku noticed how he didn't take his eyes off of the guy, and that even from ten yards or so away, he could still see the violent tremors racking Yumichika's body.

"Heh'. Yer' pretty sure a' yerself. I'll fight ya' for him." Ikkaku nodded.

"Deal."

Ikkaku had to admit, the guy was a better sword-fighter than he looked, but their battle was still over quickly. After a few parries, Ikkaku realized that they guy was too large to move very fast, and he sliced the main arteries in his neck with ease.

"You just got lucky." The dying man croaked. "Ta' git' 'im. Luck." Ikkaku's heart clenched with rage, and he stomped on that ugly face repeatedly.

"Stop fuckin' saying that!" he panted, glaring down at the man.

"It's luck! What's special about you? Only way someone like us would get someone like him is force or luck."

Ikkaku stabbed him, and when he walked away with the shaky, pale Yumichika, he thought maybe his luck was changing.

* * *

"Huh," Ikkaku fell forward into the dirt again, huge slash wound marring his back.

"Ikkaku!" Yumichika shrieked as Ikkaku lifted his bloody head from the ground. Ikkaku spat into the dirt, standing shakily once again, holding his arms out wide.

"Only tha' lowest piece a' filth attacks someone from tha' back, understand, shithead?" Ikkaku groaned lowly, moving his sword in front of him, lowering his weight onto his back leg. The dust beneath him was red with blood, but Ikkaku kept getting up.

"Saa, hit me now, coward," Ikkaku spat, dropping his sword. Of course, the other fighter grew angry at the insult, and cut Ikkaku again, brutally, from his neck all the way down to his opposite hipbone in a huge slice.

Yumichika cried out as if he had been hit himself, and Ikkaku collapsed to his knees for a moment, retrieving his sword and panting.

"Idiot… Stop that noise," he growled, and with shock, Yumichika realized he was talking to _him_. "Don't whine like that… Sounds like yer' greivin', an' I'm not dead yet." With that he stood up and kicked his opponent in the side of the head with a roundhouse kick, knocking him unconscious.

Yumichika remembered those words for a long time.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Welcome to the World – Voltaire_

* * *

Something was wrong. He knew it the moment he opened the door to their room at the little inn they had taken lodge in.

The stench of blood was heavy in the air; there were droplets of it on the floor, and there were blood-soaked rags lying all over the place. "Yumichika?" Ikkaku called, alarmed.

He heard some hissing from the washroom and approached slowly. "Are you okay?" He rounded the corner.

"Oh God-" He covered his eyes with a hand, the image of Yumichika wiping himself, blood running down his thighs, burned in his retinas. "Um… Do you… Do you need some help…? Cause… Cause I'll help ya'… Don't be embarrassed to ask." He stood there awkwardly. "Are you okay?"

Yumichika breath was shuddery, "No, I don't want help." Ikkaku backed out respectfully, "Oh, don't leave! Please… I mean, I just don't want to be alone right now… and I might need a little help."

"Okay… Okay, Yumichika." He sat down with his back to Yumichika, listening to him hiss and groan for what seemed like hours. After Yumichika began keening like a dog in pain, a long, low, tortured whine that seemed forced out, Ikkaku could keep silent no longer. "What happened?"

"A gang." He could almost see the twist in the corner of Yumichika's mouth just by the tone of his voice. Ikkaku's eyes snapped open, the wounds fully registering. When had rape become so normal for him that he no longer reacted to it?

"What?! Lemme' look… Oh God… You're… ripped open…" Ikkaku felt sick to his stomach. Blood was just… _pouring_ out…

How could Yumichika be so calm about it? Was he that used to it too?

No. Ikkaku could see the darkness clouding his eyes. They looked dead and grey, and… numb. He wished that he could just hold Yumichika and help him feel _something_, even if he had to force out the tears. He wished he could let him cry on his shoulder like friends were supposed to do, he wished he could do something to help, but he knew that he couldn't just invade his space like that without permission, not like his attackers had just done.

There was blood crusting and flaking on Yumichika's face from where his nose had bled and dripped down his neck. His hair was ratty and caked with dirt, and he had two black eyes, one bloodied. There were similar bruises coating his bare body.

"After they were done, they gave me money. We can leave this district now." And that made Ikkaku want to grab Yumichika by the shoulders and shake him until he believed that there was _nothing_ good about this, and _not_ to look on the bright side, because there wasn't one, Damnit!

Yumichika pulled out the piles and piles of coins, but Ikkaku just gripped Yumichika's ankles tighter, unable to stop seeing large, ugly men forcing their way into Yumichika and hurting him.

"Help me. Please help me," Yumichika said, and Ikkaku could see that it was hurting his pride, and that it took a lot of trust, so he made sure to keep his expression as neutral as possible.

He let Yumichika lie on his back, and he cleaned him off with shaking fingers, Yumichika's hand closing around his other wrist. Ikkaku froze after every hiss and moan, being as gentle as he could on the damage.

Ikkaku covered him in towels and set him in the tub, soaking Yumichika with warm water. He tried to be as comforting as he could and made him feel as safe and protected as possible, but he wondered how on earth Yumichika could even stand to be near him. How on earth had he survived this long, putting up with this? This couldn't be an uncommon occurrence.

Now that he thought about it, he realized that everyone he had ever cared about had been raped.

"Thank you… Ikka-chu… You're a good man… You're a good man," Yumichika pecked his nose, sighing in exhaustion as they lay down in the bed. After a few moments of laying there stiffly, he asked Ikkaku to put his arms around him while they slept. Ikkaku obliged.

He couldn't go to sleep; He just imagined Yumichika screaming and crying, just like his mother and sisters had.

He threw up an hour later.

* * *

Ikkaku looked at Yumichika, wiping mud off of his face. Yumichika had his kimono pulled up to his knees and was stepping through the mud and puddles with surprising grace.

"Awfully slippery," Yumichika commented. Ikkaku had been surprised that Yumichika hadn't been squealing about getting dirty, but then again, a lot of things about Yumichika surprised him.

That was probably why he liked him so much.

Yumichika's hair was pinned up in a messy knot, and his kimono was yellow; He looked out of place, but he sure did 'out of place' beautifully.

Ikkaku thought that he wouldn't mind being with Yumichika for the rest of his life.

* * *

Ikkaku was a virgin. He was convinced that being that way is why he survived in Rukongai and kicked the ass of everyone in districts 79 onward, sans Kenpachi.

The sex craze of the men there fueled the desperation and violence of the place, and kept people in poverty and ignorance, and Ikkaku was convinced that he made something of himself because he stayed away from that influence.

* * *

Yumichika thought of what Ikkaku had said about not wanting to protect this 'shitty place', but he knew his mind would change if he told him where Zaraki was.

Going to Seireitei had used to be something that Yumichika had wanted desperately, but now he didn't want to go.

He glanced at Ikkaku, who was snoring. He smiled.

He was a selfish person, and the self-loathe that the admission gave him didn't keep him from wanting Ikkaku all to himself for just a little longer.

The feeling that he had for Ikkaku was love after all, and after so long of being solitary, he wanted to be solitary with the person he loved for just a _little_ bit longer.

* * *

_Soundtrack: London Town – William Control_

* * *

Ikkaku smiled as Yumichika bit into the pink dango on their shared stick. He chewed with enthusiasm, and Ikkaku was amazed by the way Yumichika derived so much pleasure from such simple things, as if he had been deprived of them for a long time.

Yumichika lay down next to Ikkaku in the grass and stared at the sunset in the distance. The wind blew, and a few strands of Yumichika's hair were blown into his face, and suddenly Ikkaku's stomach twisted because he felt like he was looking at a photograph of somebody who had become sad or died later.

Ikkaku frowned, remembering what Yumichika had said about scars.

* * *

Ikkaku recoiled in shock when he found the piles and piles of hair on their room's floorboards. He didn't understand why his heart was aching so badly when he saw Yumichika looking at himself in the mirror with hair that was cut brutally short.

About three feet of hair was in a pile under the window. Ikkaku saw that Yumichika's eyes were rimmed red, as he compulsively ran his fingers through his short hair and pulled on the ends again and again.

Ikkaku picked up a lock of Yumichika's long silky hair off of the floor and ran his thumb over the smooth edge, before laying it back down. He had combed that hair so many times, and he had come to love how beautiful it was. He heard Yumichika sniff from the other room as he began working some of the hair into the hilt of his sword.

Yumichika loved his hair; why had he cut it off?

* * *

Yumichika savored his last day with Ikkaku, feeling that his heart had never been heavier when they first entered Seireitei.

* * *

He was so perfect, and oh, my poor heart is breaking just thinking about it, He was so perfect, so beautiful.

He was everything. Everything. So beautiful, so strong and sure of himself and so perfect. And I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.

To be honest, those were the happiest days of my life. Of my lives, pardon me. I was so _happy_. I would give anything to just go back to that time and stay there forever, at the pinnacle of our freedom.

But I was silly. I was so in love with him. I would've done anything, followed him blindly, given him anything that I had left.

But the truth was, as we went to Seireitei, as I prepared to watch him die,

He already had everything that I ever was.

* * *

[Spotlight with two pairs of hakama-clad legs standing in the center. The spotlight divides and the two walk onto opposite halves of the stage. They continue to separate and meet in this way until they begin to speak]

Actor 1: I can't see through this ugly, worthless crowd, could you lift me up?

Actor 2: Heh, here sit on my shoulder.

Actor 1: Hah, Whoa, don't drop me

Actor 2: I won't, don't worry.

Actor 1: Hm, You're very strong, aren't you?

Actor 2: Heh, Just cause you're so light.

Actor 1: Don't try to flatter me with facts.

Actor 2: (Laughs) So cruel.

[Spotlight flickers upon them and the sound of an old tape reel rattling is heard, before fading out with a moan. Fade to black.]


	9. Life Two: Act III, Part 1

I'm all right, I'm all right, I just… Oh my goodness, my eyes are burning.

It was the hardest decision I had ever made to go with Ikkaku to Seireitei. I suppose I knew that it would be the beginning of the end.

* * *

**Act III: Days Passing us By **(Part 1)

* * *

_Soundtrack: Posthumous Letter – William Control_

* * *

If Ikkaku had ever figured out that Yumichika had sabotaged his own kidou to keep from being selected for early graduation, he didn't say anything, and Yumichika was glad for that.

* * *

Ikkaku paused in his fight. Even though the training arena was noisy and filled with people, he could clearly hear Yumichika's distressed voice from across the courtyard. There was no way for him to mistake it, not when it was all that he had ever really paid attention to for so long.

Apparently, the instructor kept harassing him because Yumichika was using 'unsportsmanlike' moves. Yumichika protested that a fight was a fight, and that he was being perfectly sportsmanlike – and _beautiful - _anyways. Ikkaku's eyes narrowed.

They were supposed to be gently sparring, but Yumichika was fighting to hurt. Ikkaku could tell by the frost in his eyes that Yumichika was lookin' to make this guy _bleed._ The instructor hadn't noticed that the guy Yumichika was sparring with kept trying to cop a feel, and Yumichika was just paying him back by slowly but surely cutting him to pieces.

Yumichika fought like a devil, and he fought without rules, because he had always been fighting for his life or worse, his dignity. Ikkaku glowered at the instructor before offering to spar with Yumichika himself.

* * *

Renji adjusted his student's uniform as he walked to his new room. This sure was exciting, becoming a shinigami trainee. He grinned as he passed down the sixth-year's dorm hallway.

"-Is a complete pigsty, and it smells like a gas-chamber. Now, pick up your laundry, or you're sleeping in the hallway tonight!" He heard a screech, a bang, and then saw an unusually pretty male walk out into the hallway, absolutely seething. A cloud of dust seeped out of the doorway as a bald guy stumbled out of the room after him.

Renji suspected one of them had just punched a hole in the drywall, and he shrunk backwards, trying to devise how to get around the two sixth-years blocking the hallway.

"C'mon, ya' gotta' at least help me! It's yer' room too, ya'…" There was an obvious pause as the big guy searched for an insult, and for a moment, Renji wondered if he was challenged or something, or if the pretty guy just made him flustered, "Ya' fruity weirdo!" It obviously bounced right off of the smaller guy, made apparent by a cold flash of his violet eyes.

If Renji had been in the pretty guy's place, he would've felt extremely threatened with the bigger male towering over him angrily - even though Renji was about the same size as the bald guy. The smaller guy seemed to have some sort of reign over the situation however, and continued sniping at the bald guy.

"I didn't help you _make_ the mess, so I don't have to help you clean it, Ikkaku!" Ikkaku scowled, fists clenching, and Renji realized that he was practically bursting with angry reiatsu, struggling to hold it in. His breath froze.

"Yumichika, that's not fair!" he shouted, muscles flexing, tension filling the hallway; Renji flattened himself against the wall. Was he gonna' punch Yumichika? Would he hurt him? His heart started pounding, wondering if he should make a break for it, or try to help Yumichika out, even if it meant picking one with this hot head.

"Don't fuckin' ignore me!" Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika by the front of his shirt, pulling him close to force him to look him in the face. Renji began to feel sick to his stomach as furious reiatsu began to seep from Ikkaku.

Apparently, Ikkaku had grown too threatening to Yumichika, because he stiffened up, eyes going wide for a split-second.

He then lifted his head and crossed his arms. Suddenly the hallway was flooded with freezing killing intent, and the big guy _cowered, _stumbling backwards with a gasp. "Don't shout at me, Ikkaku. Fair is fair, and fair is beautiful… Don't look at me like that; you've forced me to play dirty." Another pulse of energy, and Renji's knees hit the floor, feeling as though he were choking.

Yumichika's eyes were cold and furious. "You might not think me to be your equal, but you will _not_ think me beneath you, Ikkaku. Do not speak to me that way." Ikkaku's breath rasped in his chest, and he nodded once.

"You might intimidate everyone else, but do not think that I will allow you to try it on me. Now, be quiet, and do _not_ threaten me like that again."

Renji shook. Holy shit, was he scared. Yumichika's eyes looked like glowing icicles, and they were terrifying, but so _beautiful_. He looked cold, and cruel, and _vicious_, but he was so damn beautiful.

Ikkaku began to pant, clinging to the door frame as Yumichika's reiatsu bore down on him, and Renji, from his trembling, locked-up position on the floor, thought he saw something like terror, but also _lust_ in Ikkaku's eyes. Ikkaku didn't even attempt to combat Yumichika, and began nodding, whispering that he gave. Yumichika did not let up. Renji whimpered.

Yumichika's eyes turned on Renji sharply, and then the energy was sucked back in as quickly as it had come. Renji gasped, peeling himself off the floor, sweating profusely.

"Oh, Look what you're doing, you big oaf. You're scaring him." Yumichika turned towards Renji, "You must be new here? Pardon Ikkaku for his noisiness. And pardon me for my temper, I didn't see you there, I wouldn't have…" Yumichika trailed off as Renji nodded rapidly. Ikkaku's eyes narrowed as Renji blushed at Yumichika's hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Renji shook his head. "Again, I apologize." He looked regretfully at Ikkaku. "I apologize, Ikkaku," he said pointedly to the panting man, not looking at him.

"My fault for pokin' a wounded animal." Ikkaku shook himself off, glaring at Renji, "The hell are you doin' 'ere?" Renji noticed then, how he sounded like someone from his own district.

"I- I'm just tryin' ta' find-" Yumichika shook his head, taking Renji by the arm. He smiled reassuringly.

"I'll go with you. Let's go. _Clean it, Ikkaku._" Yumichika shot a scathing look at Ikkaku, who groaned and disappeared back into their dorm room. "So, what's your name?"

"Ahh, Abarai Renji."

"Hm, Beautiful name." Ikkaku's eyes popped open, something falling into place, and he went back into the hallway.

"Y- You slippery little-" Ikkaku sputtered after Yumichika, "Ooh, I can't believe you." He said it angrily, but was grinning. "You're too fuckin' clever for your own good."

Yumichika sighed, "You're such a pill, Ikkaku. I liked you better when you were starving."

"Little brat," Ikkaku said affectionately.

Renji blinked, not understanding what had just transgressed.

"'Ey Ketchup-head, make sure he remembers ta' bring me some lunch!" Ikkaku shouted down the hallway after them. "We'll show ya' the ropes!" Renji looked back and he saw something like respect in his eyes. "Just a word of advice: don't let 'im pin ya' down, you'll end up likin' it." Renji grinned.

They'd all been the best of friends ever since.

* * *

Ikkaku had been looking all over for Yumichika, all day long. It was getting dark now, and consequently, he was getting worried. Even if by some strange string of coincidences, they hadn't seen each other all day, Yumichika should've at _least_ come back to the dorm by now. Maybe something had happened to him.

He passed by the men's showers, preparing to give up and go home. He paused by the door, hearing a strange sound, one that you wouldn't expect to hear in a men's shower: _crying._

He nudged the door open, creeping through the changing area, and then peered around the corner. He gasped at the sight of Yumichika curled up on the floor in the corner, behind the shower curtains, weeping.

Ikkaku trudged through the puddles, pulling Yumichika's naked body close to his hard chest. Yumichika immediately knew who it was, so he didn't struggle, and allowed Ikkaku to rock him for a while.

"What's the matter?" Ikkaku whispered, "Why are you crying?" He shed the shirt of his uniform to cover Yumichika up, if only to stop his horrible shivering, which he suspected had nothing to do with the cold. "Are ya' homesick? Whatsa' matter?"

Yumichika did not answer him, sniffling a little bit, blinking at Ikkaku. He gave a low, long whine, face crumpling, leaning his head into Ikkaku's shoulder. Ikkaku frowned. That wasn't like Yumichika at all.

Then Yumichika raised his shaky fingers, and Ikkaku saw what he hadn't noticed before. Blood, red and sticky, under Yumichika's fingernails, seeping from his hairline, and on the tiles near the drain. It was coming from-

"Who did it?" He said in a low, dangerous voice, hands tensing on Yumichika's arms. To his confusion, Yumichika actually _laughed_, a high-pitched, hysterical laugh that scared Ikkaku pretty bad. Yumichika had never reacted this badly to being violated. Perhaps it was worse now, because he had thought he was safe here in Seireitei, safe from the danger that so much beauty presented when surrounded by violent people.

"I don't know." Yumichika shook his head. "I don't _know_ who." He laughed louder, voice echoing around him. "What a whore I am."

"Yumichika, tell me. Now," he said. Yumichika wildly shook his head, and his suspicions were confirmed.

"I don't know their names," Yumichika was grinning, but his body was quaking. Ikkaku clutched him tighter, raw fury building up inside of his chest. 'What kind of sick bastards-' Ikkaku's thoughts paused, rewinding Yumichika's words in his head.

"Their… You said 'their'," Ikkaku growled, shaking his head. "How many."

Yumichika hiccupped then, "Too many," He tried to stand, but slipped, cutting his ankle on the drain. Ikkaku scooped him up, wrapping him tighter in his white uniform, not caring about how hard blood stains were to get out of fabric.

"Did you fight?" Ikkaku asked shortly, too angry to say much more. Of course, other questions were going through his mind. 'Why didn't you fight them, Yumichika? Why didn't you kill them, I know you could've!' But of course, those were horribly insensitive questions, and couldn't be said aloud.

"I couldn't fight much," Yumichika said. "They were seated." He choked, "Officers, I mean." Ikkaku frowned, getting the feeling that Yumichika was hiding something. "Please don't… You know my shame now, and I don't wish anyone else to-"

"Shh." Ikkaku said roughly, "You know ya' kin' trust me with anythin'." Yumichika nodded pitifully, whining as he did only when he was in serious pain. "I'll take care a' ya'," Ikkaku said gently, feeling that he should say something reassuring.

"I know," Yumichika sighed, kissing Ikkaku's nose, face wet with tears. Ikkaku didn't sleep at all that night, rising repeatedly when someone passed by their room, lingering outside the door.

"Come to bed, Ikkaku. No one will come looking for me." Yumichika was obviously too tired to sense the reiatsu, but was extremely paranoid, twitching at the slightest noise. Ikkaku however, was on the alert, straining his senses to feel the man that kept passing by outside.

"He might." Ikkaku whispered.

"Just for me?"

"He might." Yumichika pulled the blankets up to his chin, squirming in anxiety. Ikkaku got back into bed and put an arm around him, allowing Yumichika to curl up next to him.

"Go back to sleep. I don't care what'z rank is. If he tries ta' come in, I'll pound that bitch." Yumichika found those words strangely comforting.

* * *

Hisagi entered the public bathhouse, looking at Ayasegawa out of the corner of his eye. He knew that he was better at kidou than he pretended and it intrigued him. Too bad that he was a roommate with that bald guy, Madarame.

He and Yumichika didn't seem a very likely pair of friends, but rumors had it that they had arrived in Seireitei together, out of the deepest steppes of the Rukongai. Ikkaku was as unrefined as the rest of the people from that area, but Yumichika's appearance, and his eloquent way of speaking could've gotten him anywhere he wanted to go. People thought maybe Yumichika was Ikkaku's sex slave, or maybe it was the other way around.

Either way, they were more like the beauty and the beast, and boy was he a beauty. He was refined, intelligent, he could do pretty much _anything_, and his personality ranged from cold enough to freeze off your balls, to kind and sweet. It was scary as hell, but somehow that made it hot.

Hisagi had had a crush on him for quite some time.

They were sitting in the corner, and Ikkaku was in front of Yumichika, whether it was to block him from sight or not, no one knew. No one really wanted to find out if it meant being on the receiving end of Ikkaku's fist, so they sort of just let them have that corner to themselves.

Getting into the water next to the both of them, Hisagi leaned back just so, so he had a clear view of Yumichika's back. Yumichika had water droplets rolling so slowly down his curvy spine, and his butt was just _barely_ below the water.

They both gave him a glance, but then ignored him completely, continuing on in that little bubble that seemed to be around the both of them.

Ikkaku was chest deep in the water, leaning back against Yumichika for support. He was occasionally giving grunts of assent or otherwise, sometimes swearing and shaking his head a little as Yumichika talked to him.

Yumichika chattered away, sitting behind Ikkaku, allowing his bald head to lay back on his shoulder and doze. He massaged the larger man's shoulders and neck, making occasional comments about how that groaning isn't very beautiful.

"But it feels... Good." Madarame's eyes slipped closed. "Right... Right there," He pointed to the back of his neck. Yumichika pressed in with the heels of his hands, and Ikkaku sighed peacefully, going completely limp. He let Yumichika bend him forward so that he could dig his thumbs down the ridge of his spine, "Mmmm... How much'z this gonna' cost me?"

Yumichika's hands froze, and Ikkaku noticed because he froze too, becoming very apologetic and meek, "I mean, I mean, Where do ya' wanna go to eat? I'll pay for dinner t'night in exchange." Hisagi thought that it couldn't be what he thought it was as he scrubbed his arms and his hair.

"Anywhere with fried shrimp is fine Ikkaku," Yumichika patted his shoulder, as if to say that whatever he had slipped up over didn't matter. His knuckles began kneading right at the base of Ikkaku's scalp, working up behind his ears and down the tendons of his neck. Ikkaku groaned loudly.

"Ikkaku, that really isn't very beautiful." Yumichika tugged on Ikkaku's ear, and Ikkaku slapped at his hand, hiding his grin.

"Well, how else are ya' gonna know that I appreciate it?"

"I suppose you're right," Yumichika smiled a little bit. "Did you pull a muscle or something?"

"Yeah..." Ikkaku tilted his head to crack his neck. "Overdid it... training today," he mumbled.

"Ah, that's why you smell so horrible." Ikkaku grimaced at him wryly, moving to sit next to him rather than in front of him.

"Hey now, don't make me stick yer' face in my armpit, stupid. Not all of us are lucky enough to never sweat, like you." Ikkaku said this, but immediately began giving his pits the smell test, and then scrubbed them viciously. Yumichika beamed.

"Smell aside, you fought quite beautifully today. You'll definitely be chosen for the Eleventh. I know you're getting impatient, but we'll be graduating before you know it."

"Eh, Hope so. Gettin' restless. Too many quizzes n' shit. 'M no good at this stuff." He scowled. Yumichika smiled a little, sadly.

"Don't give up, Ikkaku. Our lives are just beginning." Ikkaku looked up at Yumichika, and suddenly Hisagi could not listen in any longer.

* * *

Rumors never bothered Yumichika; He had been called every name in the book, he had been treated all types of ways, and none of it had ever bothered him. He had an unbreakable sense of pride and selfworth, and usually defended his own honor quite well with his scathing remarks on his tormentor's appearances. It took a hell of a lot to humiliate Ayasegawa Yumichika.

So why, why was his heart so… He felt like _crying._

"They're not together anyway, I _told_ you guys."

"Heh. So only one of 'em's a faggot?"

"They could be together."

Yumichika cringed, walking slowly behind some classmates, clutching his books in his arms.

"Yeah, they might be together. Maybe he's just a whore." Yumichika was surprised when he felt how much that word _stung_. It had never hurt so badly before.

"C'mon man," Hisagi defended him weakly, and Yumichika felt anger flush up inside him. Irrational anger, as Hisagi was trying to lessen the taunts even when he didn't know Yumichika was behind him. He just wasn't defending him as well as he could. "I told you from the start, he and Ikkaku aren't together… Don't call him that,"

"I heard 'im gettin' some the other day in the showers. Probably was trying to bribe the officers for a seat," Yumichika stopped short, mouth dropping open, heart completely crushed.

He had... He had sacrificed so much so that he could help Ikkaku reach his goals. He had had to sit there and be humiliated and violated by those officers, unable to fight back, just so no one would find out about his spirit energy. How could people say such cruel things...

But they were right. He _had_ let those men do what they wanted. Like a whore.

Hisagi grew angry then and started shouting at the guy, because he had _seen_ Ikkaku's distress and fury, knowing that something bad had happened to Yumichika.

Yumichika turned around and walked the other way, eyes on the floor, the word playing over and over and over in his mind. Whore, whore, _whore_.

Maybe they were right.

* * *

Ikkaku watched Yumichika study in the corner quietly. He had been depressed for weeks, and Ikkaku was fucking sick of it; How _dare_ that asshole hurt Yumichika's feelings?

Hisagi had told him about it, and holy fuck, was Ikkaku mad. He had never seen Yumichika take any insults to heart before, but oh god, Yumichika had sure taken this one _horribly_.

Perhaps it was because of the recent attack made against him, or maybe his standards had finally risen, or maybe it just came as a shock; Ikkaku didn't know, but fuck it, it was going to stop _now_.

"Yumichika." Yumichika did not turn around to look at him. Ikkaku got up from where he was sitting on the floor, folding their uniforms. "Yumi'... Hey," He nudged Yumichika's shoulder and turned him to look at him.

"We're talking about this," Ikkaku started, trying to sound as assertive as he could because he knew that Yumichika was going to say,

"No,"

"Yumi'," he said firmly, tipping Yumichika's head up. "I know what that guy said bothered you," Yumichika tried to shove him away and turn back to his review sheet, "No, listen to me, damnit!"

Yumichika exhaled through his nose, trying to shield his face with his hands. Ikkaku took his wrists and held him still. "You are _not_ a whore. So you had sex with him. So you dumped him. He's fucking _bitter_ that he lost you. You are _not _a whore, Yumichika."

Yumichika began whining and hitting him, trying to slap him away. "No, no, listen to me now. Don't you _dare_ ever even _think_ about settling for less than perfect ever again. Especially not for an asshole like him."

Yumichika smirked at him, "That's all well and good." He looked down at his homework, and he appeared so small that it broke Ikkaku's heart. "But there's only one me out there," He said snootily, and Ikkaku knew that it was just a defense mechanism.

"And I need companionship to survive, so I _must_ settle." Owch.

Ikkaku felt like a menos had just rolled over him. Holy hell, that had hurt his heart. "Do you…" He swallowed, "Do you even… value my company at all?" he asked pitifully, crossing his arms.

Yumichika looked up at him, and that cold mask fell away, leaving behind horror. "Oh… Ikkaku, I'm sorry… I don't know why I just said that," He frowned, flopping forward onto the desk with fatigue.

"Yumichika," Ikkaku said slowly, "You are not cheap… You aren't some harlot. That guy is just one of those skirt-chasing idiots who can't catch any tail; He gets off on making other people feel bad… Promise me now. You do not have to settle."

His tone grew insistent then, and he knelt down next to Yumichika's desk chair, "Don't settle for anything, for anyone, that's not the very best. Not even me, Yumichika."

Yumichika looked up at him. "I get what you mean about beauty being solitary now… But being alone is better than getting… than letting people _hurt_ you, right?"

Yumichika looked at him for a long moment, "I don't think that way." Ikkaku felt an intense quiet come over the world.

"Don't fucking settle. I hate when you're sad, it messes up my fighting." Ikkaku threw in that excuse last minute, because he himself couldn't explain why he hated when Yumichika was depressed. It sort of tipped his world out of orbit. "If I start fuckin' shit up, tell me, okay?" He put a hand on Yumichika's leg.

"Ikkaku," Yumichika said, with a strange look on his face. Ikkaku looked up at him. Then he blurted out, "You already are as perfect as they come."

Ikkaku blinked, inwardly gaping. Yumichika's face flushed violently and he turned back to his homework sheet.

"Um… I'm gonna'... Uhh… What was I gonna'?" Ikkaku asked the room, inwardly reeling at that compliment. He felt like laughing and he didn't know why.

"You were going to fix the loose board in the corner." Yumichika gasped out, hunching over his desk. Ikkaku grinned widely, heart squeezing.

"Heh… You're really something, Yumi'."

* * *

_Soundtrack: Houki Boshi – Younha_

* * *

Yumichika admitted to Renji fairly early on that, _No_, He and Ikkaku were not a couple, but he really _really_ wished that they were. And that, _Yes,_ his reiatsu was _a lot_ bigger than he pretended, and that he hid it to make Ikkaku happy. He had only ever used it against Ikkaku when he was spitting mad, and even then, it didn't seem to sink in to Ikkaku that Yumichika could kill him if he wanted.

Renji promised take it to his grave.

* * *

"Are you alright, Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked quietly, laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, "You're shivering."

"I'm fine."

"You're _vibrating the mattress_," Yumichika hissed. Ikkaku insisted that he was fine, but snuggled closer to him. After a few minutes Ikkaku began to relax, and Yumichika thought he had fallen asleep.

"I guess I'm just homesick," he whispered, not elaborating further. Yumichika wondered what that could possibly mean.

* * *

"Yumichika," Ikkaku said patiently.

"Yes, dear?" Ikkaku rolled his eyes.

"I'm trying to study."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"YOU'VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR HOURS. IT'S WRECKING THE FLOORS AND IT"S ANNOYING ME. SO STOP."

"It is _not_ wrecking them. They're _much_ more beautiful now."

"Okay, okay, they're pretty, just cut it out, I can't concentrate." Ikkaku winced when he realized he had talked just enough that he had caught Yumichika's attention. The pretty, sweet-smelling vision was leaning on his shoulder and pressing his cheek onto his ear, and _smiling_ like there was nothing wrong.

"I'll quiz you, if you want?"

"Knew I kept you around for a reason," Ikkaku smirked. Yumichika snapped his teeth at him playfully.

"Please, you're just stunned by my _beauty_,"

"Suuure,"

"See, you're talking all slow, that's how you know you're stunned- _HH!_ That's probably why you act so stupid all the time, you're stunned by my beauty-"

"Get over here, you little shit, I'll kick yer' butt,"

"Hahaha~"

* * *

Hisagi grinned his most winning smile, bowing a little to Yumichika, "Hey, Will you do the honors then? I don't think I got your name." Of course that was a dirty lie, he already knew Yumichika's name, and Yumichika probably knew his. He was just trying to be friendly.

Yumichika looked at him frostily, why, he hadn't the faintest. Ikkaku chewed on a stalk of wheat, sitting next to him, struggling to read a textbook.

"He's not gonna' do the fuckin' honors. Sorry, man."

* * *

Yumichika had a strong dislike for tea; even the smell put him off. Ikkaku felt the same way about Omoeda.

* * *

"I don't think he likes me," Renji griped, wringing out his hair. Yumichika wrapped a towel around himself, grinning back. "I mean, he's always callin' me 'fucker', _all_ the damn time."

"Oh Renji, that's how you can tell he likes you. In a manly way of course." Renji raised his eyebrows.

"Huh. That idiot really was made for Squad Eleven."

"Tell me about it. He's finally found his true love. It is truly adorable."

Renji grinned to himself. It kinda' was. But it probably wasn't squad eleven at all.

* * *

It was _criminal_ to make noise outside of Ikkaku's dorm before eight o'clock. It was something else entirely to _knock_ before eight o'clock.

So imagine what Ikkaku was going to do to Hisagi when he not only knocked, but _entered_ at seven thirty, just in time to catch Yumichika changing his clothes.

* * *

On the night of their graduation, Ikkaku realized too late, that Yumichika had been missing all day. He never figured out just where he had gone off too, and to this day, he still wondered about it.

* * *

They were promoted almost immediately upon entry to the eleventh division when Ikkaku killed seats nine through three. Yumichika was made fifth seat because no one decided to contest the crazy bald stranger with blood on his face, so they had accepted his violent 'because I said so.'

Kenpachi had figured it out pretty quickly and pulled Yumichika aside, asking why he was taking fifth. He saw through that lame excuse about the kanji for five being more beautiful right away.

"I know you' got a secret, 'Knew the moment I saw ya'. Why don't you kick his skinny ass and take third place? Hell, you could probably be a lieutenant already in a different division."

Kenpachi knew that Yumichika could kill Ikkaku if he wanted, and he could probably kill him too. He wasn't good at sensing reiatsu, but killing potential was a whole different story, and Yumichika was _crazy_ powerful. He had some ace in the hole that he was hiding.

Ikkaku came into his office, and Yumichika beamed at him even though he was completely nasty and covered in sweat. Suddenly, everything made sense.

'He's pretty far gone'_._ He shook his head, but grinned, shoving Yumichika a little. "Ya' poor sap." Yumichika looked up at him sheepishly.

Ikkaku looked at him like he didn't know what he was talking about, "I've been lookin' all over for ya'. Ready to go get some lunch?"

Kenpachi laughed once. _'_Him _too?'_

"Yer' _both_ idiots." Kenpachi started laughing, and didn't stop for hours. He had missed them.

* * *

"Ey! Eyes to yerself!" Ikkaku shouted as the eleventh division stood in line for the showers.

Yumichika hardly looked up, wrapping a towel more firmly around himself and holding it in place under his arms. He sharpened his fingernails, ahem _claws_, flicking his eyes up coldly.

They were still new, and even though they were superior officers, Ikkaku often had to beat respect into the rest of the division.

The towels were pretty small, and Yumichika's legs were visible all the way up his side due to the way he was standing.

"Hey if he's gonna' put on a show, then who am I to ignore it?" Ikkaku looked angry at his blatant disrespect, but he seemed to decide to let it go, wondering if the guy was right. He ignored it, that is, until the guy ran a finger up Yumichika's arm. Ikkaku's arms tensed, but he allowed Yumichika a chance to handle it.

Yumichika slapped him _hard_, with an almost casual look on his face. This did not deter the man for more than a few seconds; he grabbed Yumichika's arm, growling lustily.

"Fiesty..." Yumichika's eyes went wide.

And all of a sudden, Ikkaku had him by the throat, "You like your teeth, bitch?"

"Yeah, I bet he'd like 'em too on the back a' his neck."

"Keep fuckin' talkin', you waste of skin. Show some goddamn respect before I pound it inta' ya'."

After a couple of the guys who hit on Yumichika were hung from the corner of the Captain's office by their crotches, butt-naked, people stopped bothering him as much.

* * *

"Whoop! We missed ya', man!" Ikkaku yelled excitedly, slinging an arm around Renji's neck, nearly choking him. He noogied his head roughly until Renji punched him in the gut enough times that he let go.

"Ugh, Geez!" Yumichika just grinned at the pair of them.

"Welcome to Squad Eleven! Omedetou!" He smiled, holding out a misshapen cupcake with teal colored frosting.

"Aw, Thanks, Yumichika. It looks, uh... beautiful." Yumichika looked immensely pleased by his description, and Renji stuffed it into his mouth, hugging him around the middle. "Mm, 's'good."

"Alright, firecrotch, rule number one-"

"Rules? Ugggghhh. I was all excited for the 'Great Madarame's' training, and I get rules? UGGGGHHH-"

"Shaddup! Training starts later. When I'm done with you, you'll be better'n me! Now pay attention. We're a special division, so rule one. If Yumi' asks about his appearance, don't fuckin' insult him. I'm pretty fuckin' convinced that if he thinks he isn't beautiful anymore, he'll literally die."

Yumichika punched him in the arm pretty damn hard.

"Alright, alright, I'm kidding. Rule one. Don't hit no girls now. Unless yer' absolutely sure that she can fight ya' like an equal. But still, don't hit 'em too hard, 'cause we all had a woman who thought it was worth it ta' give birth to us. An' look at us now, we're ugly fucks."

"I'm amazed how often I have to remind you all of that," Yumichika fluffed his hair, causing Renji to laugh.

"Rule two," Yumichika said sweetly, "If the captain or vice-captain give you directions and one of us gives you the exact opposite directions, listen to us."

"Yeah," Ikkaku said sullenly, scratching the back of his head. "Rule three. Brag as much as ya' want, but only if ya' can back it up."

"Four, Scars are beautiful."

"Five, if ya' can't fill out the reports right, then don't bother. Unless ya' want Yumichika to break yer' arms."

"Rule six, any and all candy brought onto Division eleven's grounds is considered to be owned by Yachiru. Any injuries that occur due to ignorance of this fact are not anyone's liability but your own,"

"Seven. Don't fuckin' make a mess in the bathroom, cause' the guys who clean 'em'll plant bombs in the toilets if their job gets too nasty."

"Eight, it doesn't matter how drunk you got the night before. You must be on time for work."

And it went on like this for hours. Renji felt like he was finally home.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Diamond Music – Tim Neumark_

* * *

Yumichika had the world on the tip of his finger, and Ikkaku was realizing it more and more each day.

While outwardly, Yumichika seemed very shallow and self-centered, he had a deeper level of empathy that he chose not to show, other than to utilize the most piercing insults.

Ikkaku liked that Yumichika kept things in perspective, something that he had a lot of trouble with. He could multi-task, look at something from a different angle, and he always kept Ikkaku on track. He was good at pretty much _everything, _especially keeping Ikkaku balanced.

Ikkaku knew all those years of loneliness had been worth it; it had all been paid off when he found such a gem.

Being wrapped around someone's pinkie wasn't so bad.

* * *

_'What? Yumichika's pulling his punches... Even if it's just a little bit, he's pulling his punches.'_

"Ikkaku, you're slowing down, what's the matter?"

"Nothin' Yumi, I'm payin' attention!"

_'And I can't tell for sure… But… Is he suppressing his reiatsu?... I'm goin' all out, n' he's… What if he really is stronger than me... He might not have a bankai like me, but he always comes out of his fights without even a scratch... And I'm always bleedin' all over.'_

"Catch me if you can, Ikkaku!"

_'What if he surpasses me and leaves me behind? What if all those jokes that he makes about faking being weaker than me really have some truth in them?'_

"I'm tryin', ya' little shit!"

"Hahaha,"

* * *

Sometimes one of the new recruits would decide that they had a death wish or something and try to chat Yumichika up, and give him that once-over, with Ikkaku sitting _right the fuck there_.

The entire lunch hall would look at them like they were crazy because everyone knew that Ikkaku would shout loud as fuck that the fucker needs to keep his eyes to himself before he cuts off something important, and then he'd probably punch them if they didn't leave quickly after that.

* * *

They spread this bullshit all over soul society's walls: that they didn't care if the other died. But everyone knew that was a load of crap.

* * *

Renji had watched them for years knowingly. He'd heard Yumichika be insulted by other people, and they would get shot down with sharp remarks. With Ikkaku, he would feebly rebuke him, or he simply accepted whatever was said with a hurt expression.

He watched Ikkaku fight viciously, like he hadn't a care for this world, but he'd always look behind him to make sure Yumichika was watching him.

They were both idiots.

* * *

Ikkaku no longer teased Yumichika that he was better in battle than he was. He'd always said that being stronger was better than being quick and clever.

But Yumichika had kicked his ass too thoroughly playing chess too many times for him to continue saying that strategy didn't mean anything.

* * *

The sixth-seat stood next to his captain, watching Ikkaku and Yumichika in the distance, squabbling.

Kenpachi grunted, scratching the back of his neck, "They're hopeless. Why doesn't one of 'em just grow a pair and fuckin' kiss the other guy?" Ikkaku threw his hands in the air and yelled 'fuck' so loudly that some birds perched on top of the equipment shed flew away.

Renji shrugged, but nodded. "How's that saying go…?" Ikkaku and Yumichika were now shoving each other and sticking their tongues out in each other's faces. "When the blind lead the blind-" Kenpachi cut Renji off.

"-Then they're fucked." Kenpachi said bluntly, and Renji snickered.

"Well, you know that other saying… Never say die? Cause' Ikkaku never says die."

"Mm, Yumichika doesn't say die neither." Renji mumbled 'either', and Kenpachi whacked him upside the head. "So like I said, They're fucked."

"Yeah, they're idiots."

* * *

When Ikkaku fights, he fights until he wins. But the real victory is the smile he receives when he crawls his way to Yumichika's feet, still alive.

* * *

Yumichika stood there, face as still as that of a marble statue. He didn't feel anything; He _wouldn't_ feel anything. He was numb. He was cold. He was strong.

The words left him with a bad taste but they still slipped out so easily, like oil on his tongue and between his teeth, coating his mouth.

He said them quickly, without hesitating, as if he was taking a shot, as if he could knock them back fast enough that he wouldn't taste anything. If he said it fast enough, it couldn't hurt him.

"Make preparations for Madarame Ikkaku's funeral." So many times he had said those words, and still they came off his tongue so easily.

* * *

Something Renji had noticed over the years was that Ikkaku talked about luck quite a lot, and the thing about Ikkaku's luck, was that it was always either crazy good, or completely horrible.

Renji had picked up on the strange pattern.

Allegedly, Yumichika hadn't been there when Ikkaku was fighting Ichigo, and Ikkaku had ended up losing because he underestimated Ichigo and the ryoka got a few lucky shots. Ikkaku had won against Edorad, and Yumichika just so happened to be there with him. When Ikkaku went against Poww, Yumichika hadn't been with him, and he lost.

Renji knew that peacocks were supposed to be lucky birds, and Ikkaku only ever really did that stupid lucky dance when Yumichika was there.

Renji just had to pray to god that Ikkaku hadn't realized yet, numbskull that he was, and pay Yumichika to stay home when Ikkaku went out to play poker with them.

* * *

When they later retold the story of the fake Karakura battle, Ikkaku came to the part where he thought he heard Yumichika laughing his ass off. A few people asked him how on earth he could hear Yumichika's laughter from across an entire city.

Ikkaku punched them.

* * *

Ikkaku didn't dare ask Yumichika to arm wrestle again. He had done it once to embarrass him in front of the guys, and he had_ lost._ Yumichika had this weird trick with his fingers and his wrist, and beat him easily.

Then again, Ikkaku supposed that Yumichika was used to having people bigger than him trying to take advantage, and he'd have to learn to use their strength against them.

* * *

Ikkaku woke up with the sounds of swords clashing in his ears. Yumichika was panting and leaning over him, "Are you awake?"

Ikkaku tried to say yes but all that came out of his mouth was a strangled noise. His head spun, and was slowly clearing. A warm sensation on his face registered as blood, and it took him a moment longer to realize that it was dripping onto him from somewhere.

"Don't, don't move, Ikkaku, help is coming… Eventually," Yumichika gasped, groaning, and Ikkaku noticed his teeth were red.

He tried to sit up. "Lay still, Ikkaku," Yumichika whispered, leaning down and kissing his nose. Yumichika rubbed the top of Ikkaku's head soothingly. "We'll be okay," Yumichika coughed, and Ikkaku winced as something spattered his eye. Yumichika let out a long, tortured whine. Blood trickled over Ikkaku's face.

Ikkaku tried to sit up again and caught sight of the huge gash in Yumichika's stomach, large enough that his organs were trying to come out.

"Oh my God!" Ikkaku screamed, jolting upwards, ignoring the horrible spinning sensation in his head. Blood began bubbling from between Yumichika's lips, and he groaned, trying to hold some fleshy masses inside the pocket of his abdomen.

Ikkaku looked at the long trail of blood smeared beneath him.

Had Yumichika dragged him all the way across the battlefield like that?

* * *

"Do you ever clean this?" Yumichika asked him, wrinkling his nose, but otherwise not making any of those 'ugly' comments. He seldom directed those towards Ikkaku, who recognized the special exception made for him.

"Eh… No." He answered sheepishly.

"Hm."

* * *

Yumichika knew a lot about Ikkaku, something he prided himself on, since they were best friends.

He knew that Ikkaku's sleeping yukata was loose and soft, a very light purple. He knew that Ikkaku slept with his mouth open and snored, jerking around the bed when he was alone, but that he was very quiet and peaceful when Yumichika was sleeping next to him.

He knew Ikkaku's favorite food was taiyaki, and that his favorite pastime besides fighting was catching grasshoppers and minnows and trying to make them eat each other. He knew that Ikkaku liked to shower with the bathroom door open and the shower door halfway cracked open, so he could talk to Yumichika in the morning before work. He knew that Ikkaku's second toe was longer than his big toe on one foot and shorter on the other.

He knew that in a lot of respects, Ikkaku was very innocent and childish. He seemed to have some sort of issue with women, at least from what Yumichika could tell, because he hadn't dated anyone the entire time Yumichika had known him. He knew that rape deeply disturbed Ikkaku, and in his mind, was a greater crime than any other. He knew that Ikkaku only ever used that soft, gentle demeanor around him, letting his walls of overwhelming machismo down.

He knew that Ikkaku loved drinking games, and that he still couldn't read very well without furigana. He knew that Ikkaku sharpened his sword exactly once a week, and that he was missing three of his back teeth; He even knew that Ikkaku sat down to pee most of the time.

He knew a lot of intimate details about Ikkaku's life, but what did Ikkaku know about him?

* * *

"Neither of you can think for yourselves, and yet both of you idiots have enough attitude for ten people!" Renji was pleased that they had the decency to look ashamed as his voice echoed over Seireitei.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Let it die – Emilie Autumn_

* * *

They'd been wandering around, waiting for the hollow attack to come.

Yumichika had insisted that he'd seen the most beautiful yellow and red maple leaf and that he was determined to find it. Ikkaku watched him rifle through the brilliant orange and yellow leaves, smiling a little when one got stuck in the back of Yumichika's hair without him noticing. He was still just as frickin' pretty as the first time he'd seen him.

"I don't think I'll ever find it, Ikkaku," Yumichika said despairingly, after a few minutes of searching.

"We got time, keep lookin'," Ikkaku said dismissively, standing with his arms crossed. "We can do that thing ya' wanted."

"The thing," Yumichika said quietly to himself, then looking up at Ikkaku inquiringly. "The thing?"

"Yeah, the leaf pressin' thing that you were talkin' about. It sounds fun ta' me."

"Liar," Yumichika smiled knowingly.

"C'mon, I'm serious, they'd look nice on our wall, n' we haven't spent any time together lately."

Hours later, the leaves were no longer yellow; they were all red. A stray brown leaf, dead and crumpled, rustled over their feet, landing on top of Yumichika's bloody toes. Ikkaku watched him bring it up to his face, and crush it, letting it turn to powder.

The wind ruffled the leaf piles around them, and some of them flashed yellow as their bloodstained tops were flipped sideways.

Yumichika picked a leaf off of a tree branch and began walking a little ways away, letting it slip out of his fingers.

Part of Ikkaku curdled with fear.

* * *

Yumichika had garnered quite a bit of respect from the eleventh division. His sharp tongue, his appearance, and his attitude were like a breath of fresh air to the band of ruffians, and the newcomers who harassed him quickly learned to leave him alone, lest they be permanently disabled.

* * *

"Doesn't it bother you guys? A whole half of the division was _slaughtered_," Renji said sullenly. Ikkaku just looked at him, stopping short after telling them to get their asses down to the mess hall.

Yumichika sighed, "Not really." He shook his head. Iba nodded.

"It's obvious, isn't it," Yumichika raised his eyebrows. Renji bit his lip.

"It is?"

"No it's _not_. Yumi's just bein' a butt," Ikkaku spat, scowling viciously. Iba explained to Renji again that it was another Eleventh division thing. Renji wasn't sure he would ever get used to this, even if he felt quite at home here.

"C'mon, Ikkaku, take me seriously for once," Yumichika whined. Ikkaku huffed.

"_God_, Yumi', I think you take for granted that I take you seriously more often than _anyone_ else. If you didn't fuckin' sparkle so damn much then maybe people would listen to ya'."

Yumichika crossed his arms, scowling at him. Renji blinked in surprise; Usually Yumichika insisted that such an expression was far too ugly to be worn on his face.

"Yachiru drew a face on the back of your head and we haven't said anything all day," Yumichika stuck out his tongue, turning away.

"You bastard! I'll fuckin' kill you!" Ikkaku started chasing him, "That's why Taichou was laughing at me!"

"I don't know why you couldn't see it, when you have eyes on the back of your head!" Yumichika just laughed at him and kept running, ducking behind Iba and Renji and around other eleventh divisioners.

"C'mere! Get it off, I mean it! Shut up with that laughin'!"

Kenpachi shouted at them, "EY, GET OVER HERE, YOU INGRATES! TIME TA' EAT!" Yumichika laughed, leaping onto Zaraki's shoulders and clinging on. Zaraki scowled, but let him sit there next to Yachiru for a little while. Yachiru peeped her pink head up over his shoulder, grinning at Ikkaku.

"Eh? Baldy, you still have two faces!"

"He's not very good at washing himself, as you can smell," Yumichika quipped, framing his face with his hands just to sass Ikkaku further.

"I'm gonna' fuckin'… wring your neck, an' chop off your head, and hang you fro-"

"I _knew_ you would save my face," Yumichika smiled. Kenpachi growled, yanking him off his back and letting him down roughly. "Oh Taichou, so cranky,"

"Can it, you gay-ass idiot. Go wash yer' fuckin' hands," Kenpachi snarled, adding 'assholes' for good measure. Yumichika started twittering about how Hisagi had given him a pie and that he was willing to share it with the division. Kenpachi looked decidedly less angry after that.

At dinner of course, everyone was very messy and loud, and as soon as the meat was gone, they began fighting over the pie. That is, until Yumichika declared, very sweetly, that he wanted the first piece. The arm-wrestling competition ceased almost right away after that and the competitors grew very quiet and well-mannered, knowing they had a better chance of getting some pie if they were as un-ugly as possible.

Yumichika beamed and stuck his fork right into the center, taking a bite with peach and crust and whipped cream on it, grinning and 'mm'ing. He stuffed a bite into Ikkaku's mouth too, smiling at the angry blush on his face.

"Renji-kuuuun, pie?" Renji nodded, grinning widely, stuffing his whole slice of pie into his mouth before anyone could swipe it from him. Then Yumichika allowed them to continue fighting over the pie, wandering off, saying something about Rangiku and borrowed nail polish.

Ikkaku huffed, feeling lonely as the seat next to him sat empty.

* * *

"Oi, stay awake, stupid," Ikkaku's voice was shaking, and that was the only thing that Yumichika could really perceive through the pain in his chest. The edges of a gaping wound pulsated and burned, and he coughed blood up weakly, whining in agony. Ikkaku growled, muttering something about 'hard to watch'.

"What can I do for ya'?" Ikkaku asked desperately. Yumichika clung to his strong hands, the only things strong enough to drag him out of the icy clutches of death.

"Sing to me," Yumichika coughed, "Please, just sing to me." And of course, Ikkaku would not have complied if he didn't seriously think Yumichika was on his death-bed or near it.

Yumichika's keens of pain all but ceased when Ikkaku began to hum lowly, running his powerful, but shaky hands through his hair in what was meant to be a comforting gesture.

Ikkaku wasn't a good singer, but he wasn't bad either, and Yumichika smiled a little just before he lost consciousness, recognizing that little tune he had been obsessed with singing so long ago when he had lived in the woods.

* * *

_Soundtrack: The Reason – Hoobastank_

* * *

They lay on their backs in the middle of a field. It was their day off, and most of the time, they spent it like this, talking like they had used to, spending every second of time together.

Usually Ikkaku just ranted about Iba cheating at rock paper scissors, and Yumichika bitched about anything he could think of, but that particular day, Ikkaku seemed to want to have one of those deep conversations that toed the border of appropriate and personal topics.

"Hey… What're we gonna do with our lives?"

"Hm?" Yumichika turned his face to look at Ikkaku, who had his arms behind his neck, supporting his head. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean…" Ikkaku twisted his mouth for a moment, searching for the right words, "Did you ever plan out what you were gonna' do? I mean… ya' don't really wanna' do this forever… Did ya' have dreams?... Think of a picture-perfect future? Ne?"

"Of course," he said quietly. Ikkaku looked at him and all of a sudden his heart was breaking because Yumichika smiled, but it was so bitter and sad that he thought his pretty face would shatter like glass.

"This can't be all there is to life." Yumichika smiled wider, hands fisting in his shihakusho. "I know I'm quite beautiful and have much to be grateful for, but… well, I'm really not very happy… I'm lonely."

"I know ya' get lonely… Ya' ever want a family?" Yumichika was silent for a long time. Ikkaku had expected him to say something along the lines of 'already having a family in him and Renji', or maybe even with Kenpachi and Yachiru, but he didn't. He just looked upwards at the clouds, lips not even twitching.

Just when Ikkaku thought he might not answer at all, Yumichika spoke quietly. "Yes… If things were different… If they would go just how I wanted…" Ikkaku nodded, waiting for him to continue.

Yumichika was silent for a full five minutes. "Maybe one day I'll meet a nice man. Kind… and faithful… strong… I… maybe I want to get married. Some children. What about you?" Ikkaku grinned a little.

"I like kids… I," Ikkaku shook his head, "Heh… if things were different, if I was for sure gonna' live…"

He thought about it for a little while, and he found that any future he envisioned, Yumichika was always there. His heart dropped as he realized that Yumichika hadn't included him in his dreams.

"I think I'd want some kids. Me n' you could take 'em to candy stores n' spoil 'em rotten… Yeah, I think I'd want some kids," he repeated, and suddenly the prospect of any sort of future at all seemed to twist his heart, and he didn't know why.

Yumichika looked at him, "No wife?" Ikkaku shook his head again.

"I dunno'. I dunno'. I'm just saying… If things turned out how I wanted. I think I'd want some kids… but I can't envision… their mom." Ikkaku looked at him, and suddenly they couldn't break the gaze.

"I think I'd just snatch 'em from the Rukongai." Yumichika didn't say anything for another long while.

"I just want someone to love me, I think… They don't even have to be beautiful… Just someone who'll never leave or die." His eyes slipped closed and he lay there in the sun, hands on his belly.

Ikkaku didn't know what to say.


	10. Life Two: Act III, Part 2

(Part 2 of Act III)

* * *

_Soundtrack: I don't love you – My Chemical Romance_

* * *

Yumichika seemed like a narcissist to other people, only loving himself. But he knew what real love was.

Love was telling him where to find Kenpachi, even though you desperately wanted him all to yourself forever. Love was never reaching your full potential so that he had the chance to reach his. Love was taking second place for decades. Love was not fighting at full power, because you knew that your power was far superior to his. Love was always holding his happiness, his goals, his wants above yours.

Love was holding back. Love was silence. Love was sacrifice.

Love was allowing him to die.

* * *

_"What the fucking fuck, Yumichika?!"_ Ikkaku shrieked, pounding on the other side of the door. Yumichika picked at his nails, leaning against it, holding the key in his teeth.

"Shut up," he said coldly, placing the key in his pocket. "You're making my hair frizz." He raised his eyebrows as Ikkaku continued shouting at him in that high-strung, irritated tone. He wondered if the windows would break at that ugly _pitch._ He wrung a finger around inside his ear.

"_What the hell do you think you're doing?!_" Ikkaku punched the door again, a mere _thud_ against Yumichika's back. Kenpachi rolled his eyes and set off with the rest of the group, muttering something to Yumichika about 'keeping that idiot in there'. Yumichika nodded curtly to his captain.

"I _told_ you to shut up, Ikkaku." Ikkaku was silent inside the Captain's quarters for a short while, and Yumichika could hear him start pacing. Perhaps he had hurt his feelings, but Yumichika didn't care if it would keep Ikkaku in there.

"You wouldn't… Don't you fucking dare," Ikkaku said from inside, starting out quietly with a threatening tone. Yumichika raised his eyebrow.

"You bastard, don't you fucking dare!" he shouted, voice filled with betrayal and rage.

"Fuck you, Ikkaku," Yumichika said sweetly but very harshly. Ikkaku slumped against the door, exhaling in disappointment, knowing full well that when Yumichika swore, he was serious.

"… Let me out," he whispered. Yumichika's mouth twisted into an unbeautiful frown.

"If you can get past me, then I'll let you by," he said, not at all intending to honor his word.

"Menos, Yumichika! A motherfucking _Menos horde_ is coming, are you seriously gonna'-" Ikkaku punched the door in frustration again. Yumichika's eyes dropped to the ground. Ikkaku _loved_ the Menos hordes.

"You can't keep me in here. You're gonna' let me out."

"_Hah!_ What are _you_ going to do to a _Menos_, in _that_ state?" Yumichika said with a touch of hilarity to his voice.

"I'm not a fuckin' _invalid,_ Yumichika." Yumichika scoffed, rolling his eyes, and Ikkaku yelled in anger, kicking the door a couple times. "I'm_ not!"_

"Your leg's just broken, and your reiatsu's just depleted. _No_, you're not an invalid," Yumichika said sarcastically, with annoyance. "Maybe next time, you won't be such an _idiot_!"

That stopped Ikkaku in his tracks, and he was spluttering, "I-… You can't- We-" He exhaled in frustration, burning out. "This isn't funny."

"No, it's not," Yumichika said in anger, which was a mistake, because it fueled the flame of Ikkaku's rage, and the fire was burning hot and vicious once again.

"So lemme' ask you again," he said loudly as if Yumichika were an idiot. "What the hell. Do you think. You're. _Doing!"_

"Just _look_ at yourself, Ikkaku." Ikkaku then grew offended, as if he felt that Yumichika was insulting his appearance just as he did nearly everyone else.

"Fuck you, Yumichika! I've walked away from worse."

"So I've seen," Yumichika said shortly and bitterly.

Ikkaku groaned, "God, would I love to just _sit_ here with the door open just to spite you, but I fucking _can't_, okay?!" He sounded a tad hysterical for a moment, before he cleared his throat. "At least come in here and keep me company," he said begrudgingly, and Yumichika smiled, because he knew he'd won.

"I know that trick." Yumichika smiled wryly, looking at the ground, arms crossed. Ikkaku flopped onto the floor, and loudly stomped over to the far wall so that Yumichika could clearly hear him.

Yumichika grinned wider and opened the door.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Sakurabito – SunSet Swish_

* * *

Ikkaku never got much rest. He was a tough guy; a ruffian; He had a job, he had a purpose, he had dreams and aspirations, he had friends, and he was constantly beating himself up for being in love with his best.

He couldn't deny that he cared for Yumichika anymore.

If he didn't care about him, he wouldn't feel jealousy when he thought of Yumichika in bed with someone. He wouldn't fly into a rage when someone made a perverted comment towards him. He wouldn't make sure Yumichika was right next to him when he was drunk, so that no one would take advantage of him.

He wouldn't find his prissy, haughty, superior demeanor endearing, and he definitely wouldn't feel all warm inside when Yumichika teased him. Hell, if he didn't care, he wouldn't _live_ with Yumichika.

He repeated that over and over in his head, trying to force himself to deal with it before his intense denial buried it once again.

If he didn't care about him he wouldn't know that Yumichika's favorite flower was really waterlilies, though he often insisted it was roses because he didn't want anyone to think that he loved something so common.

He wouldn't be able to repeat that exact little breathy sound that Yumichika made in his sleep. He wouldn't know that Yumichika enjoyed silly things, even though he was a very mature person by nature. He wouldn't know that he loved to do somersaults and that he loved to catch butterflies.

He wouldn't know that Yumichika loved eggnog, despite how fattening it was, and that he loved the smell of lemons. He wouldn't know Yumichika's favorite soup for when he was sick, and he wouldn't know the exact order in which Yumichika washed himself in the shower.

He wouldn't know that Yumichika puts his bangs up in a cute little pigtail in the morning when he washes his face and brushes his teeth, he wouldn't know that Yumichika likes to sing, not because he thinks his voice is great, but because the buzzing in his chest soothes him when he's nervous or lonely.

He wouldn't know that Yumichika wears two pairs of socks to keep warm, because the nerves in his feet are deadened from running through the snow for too long. He wouldn't know that Yumichika hates dogs, and that he slurps his cereal when he thinks no one can hear. He wouldn't know which of Yumichika's smiles were real, and he wouldn't know whether he really meant an insult or not.

He wouldn't know any of that shit, if he didn't care about Yumichika.

Yumichika's violet eyes flashed at him, and a brilliant smile lit up his face as Ikkaku handed him the white lotus that he'd spent hours in a swamp looking for. Ikkaku shrugged off his thanks, turning his face away, saying that he'd just seen it and hadn't gone out of his way to find it or anything.

Yumichika was beautiful, so devastatingly beautiful that Ikkaku could hardly bear it.

He supposed he'd known it all along, what that smitten-like feeling was.

There was just no denying it any more. That stupid pretty boy was his sun and stars, and he was so in love with him.

* * *

Yumichika smiled and was generally friendly to Hisagi, but he did not encourage any of the advances that the vice-captain had made towards him. He knew that Hisagi wanted to date him, and Yumichika didn't really know what his reservations were.

I mean, who was he holding out for? Certainly not _Ikkaku_; He had promised himself a long time ago that that would never happen, and wasn't even a _slight_ possibility. So why didn't he want to be with anyone else?

"C'mon, just one date."

"I don't really... I don't think..." Yumichika was at a loss for words, and Hisagi suddenly looked nervous. Not many people could throw Yumichika for a loop. "No. I can't."

When Hisagi asked him 'Why not,' Yumichika really didn't have an answer.

* * *

Ikkaku felt creepy hugging Yumichika or throwing an arm over his shoulder. He almost felt as though he was groping him.

For once, he didn't wonder why Yumichika covered every inch of his skin, and was grateful that he did. After all, it only took a tiny brush of his skin to get Ikkaku weak in the knees, and it made him feel like a piece of shit.

* * *

Yumichika was getting sick of Hisagi pestering him, and really, he wasn't _that _bad of a guy. He had actually done quite a few sweet things. Maybe he _would_ consider dating him.

He looked at the roses in the corner of the room. They smelled great, they were beautiful and fresh and crisp, with dewdrops on the petals. They were perfect, but it... It wasn't quite the same as…

Well, the flowers still smelled nice, anyways.

* * *

'Just… Just grab his hand,' Ikkaku told himself, 'Take his hand, it's not that hard. He already said he likes you. But wait, what if he didn't mean it like that? No, no, he _winked_, he _had_ to mean it that way. Take his hand! What could he do?!'

Hozukimaru told him to get a grip and maybe some balls while he was at it.

Ikkaku sighed. Maybe it would be better if he just hid his feelings forever rather than go through this anxiety. He didn't know _anything _about wooing someone else, let alone Yumichika, the prince of all things suave and sensual.

Yumichika crossed his legs and waited patiently for their turn to enter the Captain's office to report. Fuck, why'd he have to be so perfect... so, so out of his reach?

'Okay fine, don't grab his hand, ask him if he wants to go on a date- No, too forward. Ask him if he wants to go get something to eat. Hm.. He might not take it the way you want him to though. Damnit, this is hard.'

Yumichika looked his way and Ikkaku hurriedly acted as though he was cleaning dirt from under his fingernails.

* * *

"Yumichika!" Yumichika looked up, that overly girlish voice sounding like an angel singing to him. He practically moaned in relief as he abandoned his paperwork.

"Oh God, Rangiku, is that you? Have you come to rescue me?" Matsumoto laughed at him and appeared in the doorway, flourishing her hands to announce her arrival, as if flower petals should be raining down.

"You have!" He exclaimed, leaping up from his desk. "I thought I was hallucinating," he whined pitifully, scrubbing his eyes as roughly as he could without ruining his feathers.

"Oh god, I know how you feel." Matsumoto put a hand to her heart in a jest of a solemn gesture, "It gets better."

"Ikkaku _refuses_ to help me," Yumichika whined, and Rangiku looked personally affronted, which made him feel better.

"The nerve!"

"I know. He's been acting so strangely lately."

"Let's ditch, I know how to get you a day off tomorrow,"

"I knew I loved you for a reason, Rangiku,"

* * *

"Taichou, You know I hold the _utmost_ respect for you, but… You really need to stop hiring from the lunatic asylum."

"… Good advice."

* * *

_Soundtrack: Kashmir – Escala_

* * *

The rain sounded like beautiful music as they stood in the woods. Ikkaku's clothes clung to his body and outlined every bit of muscle and brawn packed under his tan skin.

Suddenly, Yumichika didn't feel very beautiful at all.

* * *

'Please, Yumichika, for the love of God, do not bite into that with your sweet white lips. Do not let that blood touch your tongue or stain your face, or I am going to have a heart attack in front of you. And as soon as you get your delicious blood-stained mouth on mine to give me the breath of life, I promise you, I will die.'

Ikkaku whispered, "Get a fuckin' grip," to himself as he caught himself salivating, watching pomegranate juice dribble over Yumichika's lips.

* * *

If Ikkaku had had hair, he would've been _ripping_ it out of his _head._ He was going insane. This inner turmoil was driving him absolutely nuts.

Should he make a move? It was the first time he'd ever been in love and the feeling was so intense that it was interfering with his daily life. It was torturing him, but oh, it felt so wonderful, and he knew that it could feel even better if he made a move. Then again, if he _did_ make a move, he would be betraying Yumichika.

He gave a pitiful whine, looking back into his own eyes. But Yumichika was so… Special and wonderful and _beautiful_. To hold Yumichika in his arms, to have that soft skin touch his fingers, to be able to bury his face in his aromatic hair would send him into absolute bliss.

For Yumichika, he wanted to be _soft_ and _gentle_ and _kind_, and that was something that Ikkaku had never wanted before_. _He was a tough guy, he was a ruffian, he was rude and dirty and loud, but oh, how he wanted to be mushy and do all sorts of sappy things for Yumichika and make him smile and laugh and _love_ _him back._

But no, no, no, he _couldn't_. It wasn't that easy.

Yumichika _trusted_ him. He trusted him to be that one person who was not, nor was ever interested in him. How could Ikkaku just tell him that he had lied to him? That his friendship had been a lie? A _centuries-old lie?!_

Yumichika would never forgive him. Ikkaku snarled at his reflection in the mirror. That's what he _was:_ A liar. He had been in love with Yumichika for who knows how long.

He couldn't choose. He couldn't decide, and if he didn't soon, Hisagi might win Yumichika back, or Yumichika might meet someone else, and that _couldn't_ happen.

Ikkaku knew that this was a gamble either way. Keep it inside forever and never know what could have been, or risk it all and maybe lose Yumichika forever. It was a game of luck, a stupid game decided by the stars, or fate, or God, out of his control, just like the rest of his life.

"Fucking _luck_-"

Ikkaku growled, and punched out his reflection.

* * *

Sometimes Yumichika wishes he were a hollow, so he didn't have to feel anything when Ikkaku left him to go to the bar, when Ikkaku didn't notice him, when Ikkaku fought recklessly without any regards to his feelings.

When Yumichika thought of his promise to never reveal his feelings, when he resigned himself to never being able to tell Ikkaku 'I love you', he smiled at Hisagi when he was asked to lunch, and said that he wanted nothing more.

And when he kissed Hisagi back, he wished that he had never fallen in love with Ikkaku.

* * *

Ikkaku looked at him from across the table, shifting uncomfortably, "You smell weird.. Who ya' bin' fuckin'." He said it bluntly with no warning or introduction. Yumichika wondered how on earth Ikkaku could've noticed something small like that.

Yumichika smelling his armpit with a frown on his face seemed to confirm Ikkaku's suspicions, and he spent the rest of the day with this sour-ass look on his face. Yachiru called him lemon-chan for weeks.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Anastasia – Voltaire_

* * *

"Yumichika! ... Yumichika! Hey, wait! Where ya' goin'? Yumichika! _Wait,_ I said!" Ikkaku ducked in between the crowds of shinigami, chasing after Yumichika's retreating figure.

He finally caught up to Yumichika, and grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. "Didn't'cha hear me? Yare, yare."

"What is it, Ikkaku?" he said almost curtly, with cold eyes.

"Wup'…" Ikkaku stopped short, confused. "It's our day off… It's lunchtime. We always get lunch together on our day off... Wait, what's _he_ doing here?" Yumichika's eyes flicked to Hisagi. Perhaps it was time to tell him.

When Yumichika saw the look in Ikkaku's eyes, he decided he'd better not.

* * *

"-Been actin' fuckin' _weird_. Seriously man, all he's eaten in days is crackers and water, it's freakin' me out. He doesn't even try to argue with me anymore, he's always out late, _and _he's been hangin' out with Hisagi a lot," Ikkaku said, carving himself a new bokken. He looked up at Renji, "I just dunno' what it means,"

"Um... Ikkaku, Yumichika is, um… Spoken for," Renji tried to break it to him gently.

"The hell do you mean?"

Well so much for that.

"Hisagi and Yumichika… They're… Dating." Renji almost wished he hadn't said anything when he caught sight of the devastated flash across Ikkaku's face.

He battened it down pretty quickly, to his credit, but there was no missing that twitch that had run through his whole body, the wide, wounded eyes, or the drop of his jaw. And Renji felt just awful as he furrowed his brow and looked at the ground.

"Oh," He said, and Renji could almost believe that he didn't care, if the bokken hadn't just snapped in his hands.

* * *

"Ikkaku... Ikkaku! There you are."

"Oh hey, Yumichika. What'cha need?"

"I can't see through this ugly, worthless crowd, could you lift me up?"

"Heh, here Yumi, sit on my shoulder."

"Hah, Whoa, don't drop me, Ikkaku."

"I won't, don't worry."

"Hm, You're very strong, aren't you?"

"Heh, Just cause you're so light."

"Don't try to flatter me with facts, Ikkaku,"

"Haha, So cruel, Yumichika."

"..."

"Whatcha lookin' for?"

"Oh, There he is._ Shuuhei! Over here_!"

* * *

"Why, why would he date _Hisagi_?" Ikkaku asked miserably, drinking himself stupid. Renji sighed heavily.

"Love the one yer' with if ya' can't be with tha' one ya' love."

"Sorry Renji, but I don't feel that way about'cha." Renji punched him. Apparently, Ikkaku was too drunk to realize or care that Renji had just stated that he knew that he loved Yumichika. Or maybe Renji was too drunk to notice that he had gotten Ikkaku to admit to it.

"I meant _Yumichika_!"

Ikkaku still didn't seem to catch his drift, because he got angry at him and tried to swing on him. He missed by a mile, yelling drunkenly, "You fuckin' too? How many people do I gotta' fight fer' him? Yooou... stay away fr-" He trailed off and started guzzling more beer.

Renji sighed and kept quiet.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Invisible - Taylor Swift_

* * *

"What good is that Hisagi anyways," Ikkaku griped, scrubbing blood off his arms. He didn't care if Shuuhei was his friend, Damnit, _Yumichika_ was more important to him than _anyone_. He was just waiting, _waiting_ for Hisagi to give him a reason to tear him to bits.

If he hurt Yumichika even one time, he was going to _rip_ his _heart out_. Hell, he wanted the excuse to. Oh god, _Why_ had Yumichika chosen Hisagi, it would've been so much better if he had chosen a stranger; This hurt Ikkaku on so many levels.

"He hardly even _knows_ him compared ta' me." He pouted a little, heart twisting. There was no way that Hisagi could appreciate Yumichika's smile like he did – having seen the fake one so many times before finally bringing out that _real_ one, that _gorgeous_ one. There was no way he could appreciate Yumichika's eyes or his laugh or his beauty like Ikkaku did, he who had lived in a land of ugliness and filth for so long.

It just wasn't _fair._ Why couldn't Yumichika love _him_ instead? Ikkaku knew that that was a very childish thought, but he couldn't help feeling that way. Didn't he deserve to be happy after so long?

This, _this_ was how Ikkaku knew there was a God. He didn't know exactly what the God was, or what it looked like or even _where_ it was, he just knew that it existed. There was a god, and he _hated_ Ikkaku; If he didn't, he never would've cursed him with such horrible luck.

The jealousy was slowly killing him, but he didn't attempt to curb it. He wanted to _punch _that Hisagi, so hard that his handsome teeth would get knocked right out of his handsome fucking mouth. Then maybe Yumichika wouldn't like him so much.

He was seriously considering just grabbing Yumichika by the shoulders and shaking him until he dumped Hisagi and kissed _him_ instead, loved _him_ instead.

But no matter how he looked at it in his mind, he couldn't quite… If he tried to imagine Yumichika giving him a kiss or saying 'I love you' to him, he just couldn't get it to work. From all perspectives, he was still a rude, irritable, drunken _slob_, and Yumichika was a gorgeous, witty_, angel. _And people looked for their equals, and Ikkaku was far from Yumichika's equal, in… in _anything._

Still though, _knowing_ that he wasn't good enough for Yumichika would just make him appreciate him that much more. He would _adore_ Yumichika and _cherish _him as long as he lived. He would try so hard, he would fight and train until he _was_ worthy; he would never give up.

'It's not like I'm that good for him either, but I'd try, I'd-' He cut off, throat suddenly tight. He let the scrubber fall from his hand and hit the tile.

"Fucking hell," Ikkaku growled. He decided, even if he _couldn't_ have Yumichika for himself, he could still treat him like he deserved, he could still love him. He could still compliment him and spoil him and _adore _ him, even if there was _no_ hope whatsoever of…

He turned the water dial all the way off.

* * *

Ikkaku's heart clenched with sadness and regret, but most of all, burning jealousy as Hisagi kissed Yumichika on the cheek. "Love you,"

"Love you too."

His jaw went slack, and his poor heart was quivering in pieces, having just gone through a cheese grater. He was always able to tell if Yumichika's smiles were fake, but the one thing he'd never been able to tell, was whether or not Yumichika was lying.

Yumichika kissed Hisagi, Yumichika spent his time with Hisagi, Yumichika probably had _sex_ with Hisagi. Yumichika was in _love_. With _Hisagi. _

He'd missed his chance. He'd had so much time alone with Yumichika, and he'd just taken it for granted. Ikkaku punched the wall next to him half-heartedly.

… Maybe it wouldn't last.

* * *

Ikkaku squeezed his crotch, head rolling back as he sat in his office chair. He dug his hand into his pants for the first time in a very long time, and felt as though he wanted to cry. Was this what he had come to?

He grimaced at the nasty unintended pun, hips twitching upwards as he squeezed his throbbing erection.

He hoped that Yumichika was at least happy, because he sure wasn't. In fact, he felt as though he were slowly dying inside, watching him with Hisagi. His luck had turned sour again; If only he had gotten up the courage sooner, then just maybe... No.

That was impossible.

He tried to think of breasts, really _tried_ to think of red lips and perfume, but they didn't do anything for him; they never had.

He knew that he shouldn't, he knew that Yumichika relied on him to be that constant, that anchor, that security. Ikkaku was his home-base, the place where he could be vulnerable and open and not have to worry about being taken advantage of. Yumichika _trusted _him. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it.

He tried one more time to think of breasts, to think of something else, but he just couldn't do it.

The only thing he could imagine was the smell of Yumichika's pillow, of the soft, curvy length of his back, and his nimble fingers. He imagined that smooth voice saying sweet things to him like they said to Hisagi, tightening his grip.

And it felt _so _nice. He'd been going through an extremely long dry spell. Usually he didn't really have any sort of sexual urges - didn't even get wet dreams - but since his realization, he'd had alot of pent up tension, and he hadn't released any of it until now.

It wasn't lust. Definitely not. He'd never felt lust in his life, but in this haze, he couldn't focus on anything and that made it easy to imagine it happening. He could see Yumichika in his mind, taking his hand, kissing his cheek, looking at him like he was the last light on earth. Happiness spread through him like a warm drink would on a cold day.

Yumichika's soft fingers curled around him and squeezed. A breath in his ear- "Ooohh," Ikkaku moaned. It was so good.

He'd never been so hard.

"Please," he begged in a whisper, pleading for the same love and care that Yumichika bestowed upon Hisagi. Even once would be okay, one time was all he needed.

'_I love you, Ikkaku, I love you.'_ He moaned lowly, and some precum oozed out of him; He twitched once, tightening his grip further, movements slow and shaky. _'The only one is you, only you,'_

Ikkaku was not a very sexual person. He thought with his brain, and not his 'head'. He really didn't want it 'easy', he wanted love. He wanted love so badly. He would only need this one release, he _needed _it, and then everything would fall into place again.

He thought of Yumichika's violet eyes and his long dark hair, and he hissed through gritted teeth, swirling his thumb around the head.

Yumichika's velvet voice sounded from somewhere outside the room, and cum spilled over his hand.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Missing – Evanescence_

* * *

Yumichika had sex with Hisagi; he had only had a handful of flings since he had left the Rukongai, and as such, it felt like the first time to him. It had been a while since he had entertained anyone in his bed, and he hoped that Hisagi hadn't realized.

For some reason, he had never felt dirtier afterwards than he did after Shuuhei rolled off of him and cuddled him while he slept.

Shuuhei had been gentle, he had been caring, he had worshipped his body, and had said 'I love you' dozens of times. He didn't have to pretend to physically enjoy the sex, but emotionally, he felt as though a vampire were sucking out any good feeling he might have.

And he didn't understand it. Hisagi was his first real _lover_. What was wrong?

Hisagi reminded him of Haru, and he had _adored _Haru. He was fond of Hisagi too, maybe even loved him, but he couldn't help but feel empty.

Why, why was he so filled with despair and anguish being held so gently in his lover's arms? Was he supposed to feel like this?

He remembered what Rangiku had said about sweethearts, and he blinked back tears, wondering if this was what love felt like.

* * *

Ikkaku whispered into the night, making sure there was no one to hear him. He'd never live it down if he got caught reciting that stupid 'Star light, star bright' poem.

They were camping in the woods on a recon mission, and Yumichika was asleep a few hundred yards away from him with the rest of their group. He stood in the moonlight, looking up at the stars.

"I wish I could have your heart,"

* * *

Yumichika purred, bouncing away in Shuuhei's lap, large hands firm on his hips.

He remembered what he had said to Ikkaku all those years ago about thinking of somebody beautiful and kind, and he considered imagining Ikkaku in Hisagi's place. He knew that if he did, the shame and heartache afterwards would be absolutely unbearable, but the temptation was too much for him.

He was still in love with Ikkaku, despite his best efforts to fall for Hisagi. He was still in love and it was killing him. He needed this affection from Ikkaku, even if it wasn't real.

His eyes slipped closed, and for a moment he could pretend it was Ikkaku moving inside of him, pounding into him, and suddenly a jolt of pleasure zipped up his spine. He gasped, and nearly collapsed on top of Shuuhei. He moaned long and loud as Shuuhei wrapped his arms around him and fucked him hard, balls slapping against his ass. Oh good god, it had never felt like _this_ before, this pleasure was absolutely-

"Ohhhh," Yumichika bit Hisagi's shoulder to stifle his moans; it felt so good all of a sudden. He tried it again, and suddenly his skin was on fire, Ikkaku's hands running down his back.

Hisagi pulled out and manipulated Yumichika's trembling frame like frail wire, flipping him onto his hands and knees. Yumichika was glad, as it made it easier for his fantasy to seem real if he didn't have to look at Shuuhei. Already the guilt and shame was overtaking him. Poor Shuuhei, poor, poor, _sweet_ Shuuhei who loved him, who he was taking advantage of.

But he couldn't think about that now because Ikkaku's tongue was circling his entrance and licking up and down his spine. Yumichika bit into his own forearm viciously, chest clenching as sparks of pleasure shot through his entire body. He began twitching and begging as a thumb held him open, and a tongue plundered him roughly.

Teeth dug into the ridge of his tailbone as the tongue thrust deeper, and it was Ikkaku's fingernails digging into his hips. Yumichika's cock twitched. Oh holy hell this was good, this was so good.

Fingers hooked inside of him, and they felt like they could be Ikkaku's, callused and rough; They pressed down on his prostate, and Yumichika had to actually force himself not to cum. It surprised him, as usually it was the other way around.

And then Hisagi was slamming into him and groaning; He fucked him with passion, fast and hot and heavy, their skin slapping together loudly, growing raw as it stuck from sweat. "Yeah baby, just like that-"

And the pleasure was diminishing the more Hisagi talked, because it really wasn't Ikkaku after all. Yumichika was just clinging to whatever he could get now, and he focused on the sweat and the male body and the roughness of it all.

Yumichika panted, spreading his legs open wider, letting Hisagi rut into him like an animal, harder, harder,_ harder, _and right now, he didn't care about the consequences of fantasizing about his best friend, because it felt so good that he couldn't even _try_ to stop.

"I love you," he whispered, eyes filling with tears at the intense pleasure. He closed his eyes, "I really love you."

Hisagi came, and his semen burned Yumichika's rectum, stinging as he withdrew. And then Hisagi was biting his neck and kissing him all over, licking and sucking at his arousal.

And who was on his mind as he came?

* * *

Ikkaku watched Hisagi and Yumichika twitter at each other and eat pocky like romantic saps, and he scowled, pulling his knees up to his chest, putting his head down.

He wished that he and Yumichika had never come to Seireitei. Screw Kenpachi and his stupid shikai-less sword and his stupid fighting and his stupid, stupid, captain's haori. Screw the shinigami and the academy and fucking _screw_ Hisagi who was screwing _his_ Yumichika. He wished it would all go away and that they could go back to that precious time in the sunshine of their youth and freedom.

He wished they still only had each other and that none of this had happened. He wished he still had Yumichika all to himself.

Perhaps there was some truth in the saying that you don't know what you have until it's gone.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Teardrops on my Guitar – Taylor Swift_

* * *

Yumichika sat next to Ikkaku on the low stonewall, Hisagi's head in his lap. He stroked his prickly hair, running his nails over the sensitive scalp, basking in the adoration pouring from the dark haired man. Hisagi really was not a bad guy; he was really quite sweet.

He just wasn't Ikkaku. That was the problem.

"Ya' wanna go drinkin' tonight, Yumi?" Yumichika nodded a little, leaning down when Hisagi curled his finger, asking for a kiss. Something about it felt wrong, even though Hisagi's lips were soft, his breath was minty, and the kisses were sweet.

Ikkaku scowled, crossing his arms and turning his head away, "I'm talkin' to you, Yumi'."

"Gomen ne, Ikkaku. I would love to."

Hisagi smiled, playing with Yumichika's hair, something Ikkaku hated. "Come back to my place when you're done, Yumi." Ikkaku twitched violently, turning around very slowly, face somewhere between stricken and enraged.

The only person that Ikkaku ever allowed to call Yumichika that - sans Rangiku, who could do whatever the hell she wanted - was Renji. That nickname was _special,_ Damnit. He'd been calling Yumichika that for _years._ How dare Hisagi just call him that so casually? Like he knew how much it meant?

"Alright Shuuhei, but I have to warn you, I don't act very beautiful when I'm drunk." Ikkaku grumbled something unintelligible. Hozukimaru patted him on the back, but told him that it was his own fault that he was suffering through this.

'No, You're fuckin' _adorable_ when you're drunk.' Ikkaku screwed his eyes shut as Yumichika gave Hisagi a kiss on the nose, desperately trying to hold the broken pieces of his heart together. Yumichika only kissed _him_ on the nose! God, Hisagi was stealing everything from him!

Being near these two for much longer was going to drive him insane.

"I'm sure you're still sexy as hell, Yumi. It'll just be easier for me to sweet talk you into bed." Ikkaku stood up quickly, clenching and unclenching his hands, unable to get the image of Hisagi rutting Yumichika out of his head. He needed to get out of here before he did something stupid.

Yumichika smiled a little bit, and Ikkaku was surprised to see that it was fake. Hisagi didn't seem to notice, the lovesick dork.

"Wear somethin' se-," Ikkaku cut Hisagi off, knowing exactly what he was doing. He was not going to sit there and listen to Hisagi fantasize about his best friend.

"I'm gonna leave. Is it okay if I leave, Yumichika?" Ikkaku growled. "I'll meet up with Renji later. Just tell him that I already left."

Yumichika nodded a little uncertainly, but Ikkaku didn't see it because he was walking away already. "I... He's probably going to be here any minute, won't you stay?"

"Nah, I gotta' go, Yumichika." Ikkaku felt his throat close up, and he just let his heart fall apart, realizing that love was a horrible thing.

From that day on, Ikkaku didn't call him Yumi anymore, not for months, something Yumichika sorely missed.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri_

* * *

They were sparring in the training yard, and Ikkaku was growing angry. The people watching were the worst kind of perverts. Kenpachi really needed to up the quality of the people he recruited, because the new group was just _filled_ with assholes. Yumichika was ignoring their comments, but Ikkaku was growing more and more furious.

He spun his spear in the air, imagining one of the men from the crowd in Yumichika's place, or maybe Hisagi Shuuhei. In his rage, he forgot to turn his spear so that the wooden end would come around first.

Yumichika cried out in surprise, and then hissed in pain, startling Ikkaku enough that he dropped his yari in shock. Division members gasped all the way around the training arena; They all knew that even if Ikkaku went unconscious from head trauma, even if he was seizing from hemophilic shock, even if he was in a coma, it would take a few people to pry his hand off of his sword.

Madarame Ikkaku would only let go of his sword when his hands were cut off. And… He had just _dropped_ it.

Yumichika held his hand to his cheek, gasping when his fingers came away bloody.

"Oh my God," Ikkaku whispered, "It was… an accident." There was a large cut on Yumichika's face, just missing his eye. Yumichika stared at the blood, and Ikkaku was completely stunned.

* * *

Neither of them could swim very well, but Yumichika still didn't hesitate to leap over the edge of the ravine, plunging in after Ikkaku, knowing very well that they might both drown trying to keep each other afloat.

* * *

Ikkaku blinked, noticing the flower that was floating down through the air. Hisagi smirked a little, "Finally did it, huh?"

"Wha-" He heard a loud crack that he would recognize anywhere: A body hitting the rocky ground. He turned around a little, before recognizing who it was, "No!"

Yumichika lay on the ground, gaping hole in his chest, wilting flowers lying around him. Ikkaku couldn't move; he was frozen in place, staring at Yumichika's still body. He was seeing things, It couldn't be, It couldn't be, no, no, _no._

"No!" Shuuhei shrieked in despair. Hisagi's shout jolted Ikkaku back to awareness, and he ran towards Yumichika's body, skidding over the sand of Hueco Mundo's barren desert.

"Get a healer, now!" he yelled, hands scrambling over Yumichika's body. He was panicking, hyperventilating even. What would he do, what would he do if he was left alone in this world? He talked tough about death and stuff, but that was because he was talking about dying _before_ Yumichika. It hadn't occurred to him that Yumichika might die and leave him.

The very thought terrified him.

He patted Yumichika's face, voice hysterical and high pitched, "Yumi… _Yumi!"_ He shook him and whimpered at the sound of air seeping out of Yumichika's body. His violet eyes were open, and they drifted a little, refocusing several times. Ikkaku tried to pick him up, bringing Yumichika's face close to his. "Get up, we gotta' go home," he said, surprised by the cracked sound to his voice.

"The gate's closing," came a distant voice and suddenly his captain's hand was on his shoulder, dragging him away from Yumichika's body.

"Leave 'im. I got 'im," Kenpachi said. Ikkaku shrieked, fighting Zaraki's arms, but he was shoved through the senkaimon and onto Seireitei's streets. He heard a screech as Yachiru was ripped off Zaraki's shoulder and thrown through the shrinking space gap. It closed just as she passed through it, leaving Zaraki and Yumichika inside.

Renji and Hisagi were by Ikkaku's side in an instant. Ikkaku couldn't breathe, he couldn't _breathe_. He gripped his sword tightly, falling to his hands and knees, eyes open wide. Dead, Yumichika was dead.

He put his hands over his face and dug his nails into his scalp, leaning over until his forehead touched the ground. He could feel Renji's hands on his back, telling him to calm down and come to the hospital, but Ikkaku didn't move. He could hear Hisagi pacing and raging frantically, but Ikkaku didn't move. He heard Yachiru howling and throwing a tantrum, but Ikkaku did not move, not an inch.

His breath was shaky for a moment. "He's dead," he whispered, "They're dead. Yumichika's dead." He heaved as if he was going to vomit and then began to howl.

* * *

"Baldy, Guess what?"

"What," he said, sounding like he was in a griping mood. Kenpachi and Yumichika had reportedly made it to the living world through another portal, and Ikkaku had been relieved with the news that Yumichika was still alive. However, they'd been gone for weeks, and he was getting so worried that he could no longer sleep or eat.

"Feathers is back!"

"What?" He whirled around. Yachiru nodded.

"Yeah, he's at the hospital!"

"What?!" He didn't wait for an explanation and started running. He stayed in the hospital for the rest of the week until Yumichika was considering filing him for harassment.

* * *

Ikkaku helped him walk home, and Yumichika kissed him on the cheek. Ikkaku wiped it off, blushing harshly. "Stop that, it's gross," he lied.

He'd missed the brat.

* * *

Ikkaku came into Yumichika's office one day to find an unseated officer grinning like an idiot as Yumichika reviewed his work, leaning awfully close to his face.

Ikkaku couldn't really blame him, because he probably did exactly the same thing, but he still made sure to beat the shit out of the guy during drills the next morning.

* * *

Yumichika was seen wearing the biggest scowl, foot tapping against the ground rapidly. The recruits underwent the worst training that the Eleventh squad had seen in years. Hisagi walked around all day with a big hand-print on his face.

Ikkaku didn't understand what Renji meant by 'trouble in paradise', but it sounded menacing.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Blood – My Chemical Romance_

* * *

Yumichika left the bar early, "You peasants aren't worth my time." Ikkaku grinned a little, trying not to tip off his stool.

"Heh, Yer' funny, Yumi! _Hic-_" He didn't notice the pleased look on Yumichika's face because Yumichika's back was to him. In his completely smashed state, he hadn't noticed the slip of Yumichika's nickname - the first time in months.

"Please, Hey Wait! Please... Leave on the light, 'kay? I'll trip and break shit... Thank you, thank you." Yumichika nodded and left. Ikkaku smiled a little.

He'd buy something on the way home to make up for all the shit he was going to put Yumichika through with the hangover he'd have the next morning.

* * *

"Well, Ikkaku thinks that-"

"Wait, wait, wait... Ikkaku _thinks?"_ Yumichika scowled at Hisagi, breathing out through his nose.

* * *

"Why the hell do you always do that, Ikkaku? You _know_ that you can't knock out a hollow with your head; why on earth do you keep trying?!"

Ikkaku couldn't answer, being quiet unconscious, prone in the dirt. Yumichika huffed, giving him a quick peck to the cheek, before beginning to drag him home.

* * *

Ikkaku crawled to Yumichika's body, an explosion shaking the ground. The sounds of battle were distant and surreal as he dragged himself to his fallen comrade.

"Yumi… chi… _ka_!" he gasped with effort, pulling himself closer. Yumichika was unconscious, slumped against a boulder. The blood flowing down from under his hairline and over his closed eyelids made it seem like he was weeping blood.

"Wake up." He patted his cheek, feeling numb. "C'mon, we gotta go home." Yumichika did not move. His lips were blue, skin cold and grey.

Ikkaku pulled his hand from Yumichika's cheek and stared at the bloody print it left. He struggled to his feet, keeping weight off of his broken leg, and hefted Yumichika's limp body onto his back.

He carried him for miles back to the Senkaimon.

* * *

_Soundtrack: You don't know me – Ben Folds_

* * *

Ikkaku came back to their quarters at night, shedding his clothes and getting in the shower, leaving the door open. The shower curtains were half-open so he could talk to Yumichika as he brushed his hair at the sink.

He groaned as he stretched his neck, hot water hitting his chest. "Ugh... Drills were a killer today."

"Tell me about it, my hands are cramping from all the paperwork. I'm _far_ too beautiful for arthritis. Or carpal tunnel syndrome." Yumichika blinked, pulling an eyelid down to check his eyelashes.

"Heh… Yumi, it's 'too _young'_." Yumichika looked at him blankly. Maybe that wasn't how the phrase went. "Isn't it?"

Yumichika laughed, nodding. "I suppose you're right. I'm too young for it too." Ikkaku laughed a little, massaging his own neck.

"Was yer' day okay, then?"

"As days go," Yumichika's speech was muffled by the toothbrush in his mouth. He spat into the sink. "I'll have the day off tomorrow, and on top of that there was potato soup in the cafeteria today."

"Mm," Ikkaku gave a noncommittal grunt. "Aw shit," Hh mumbled, as his nail split. He had said it quietly, but it reverberated clearly in the shower. "Fuck it." He stuck the finger in his mouth to suck up the blood and soothe the pain.

"Fuck what," Yumichika said, "and is it handsome?"

"Don't be a pervert." Ikkaku rolled his eyes.

"Who's a pervert?" Yumichika raised his eyebrows innocently. "Certainly, you couldn't mean me?"

"Hush. Pass me the soap." Yumichika sat down on the toilet seat and handed him a bottle of body wash as he started to rub his feet with a pumice stone. A few minutes passed in silence.

"Hmm… I needed a vacation. I'm feeling worse for wear." Yumichika finished one foot and stretched it, wriggling his toes.

"Yeah, it seems like you've been doin' more paperwork lately, if ya' ask me." Yumichika looked like he appreciated the acknowledgement, and he nodded.

"There have been more hollow attacks, so there's more mission reports to fill. _And_ they had some extra Captain's meetings _about_ that increased activity, _soooo_ there's more reports on that too."

Yumichika sighed, getting up and standing on the scale, "I'm feeling particularly tried this month. I feel like I have no patience for anything."

"Hang in there, Yumi. I'll be quiet tomorrow mornin' so you can sleep in."

"That's very sweet, Ikka-chu," Yumichika said gloomily. Ikkaku practically glowed; Yumichika didn't call him that very often, and even less as of late. After a moment, he noticed the morose tone of Yumichika's voice.

"Well don't sound so disappointed,"

"I gained two pounds," Yumichika said melodramatically, putting his wrist to his forehead. "It's my job to maintain one-thirty," he whined, mournfully.

"Hey, I'm almost a' hundred seventy, am I fat to you er' somethin'?" Ikkaku said jokingly. Yumichika rolled his eyes.

"_No_. That's _muscle_. There's not an ounce of fat on you - brawny, oversized slob." Ikkaku beamed; Yumichika didn't compliment him very often, and that insult had indeed been a disguised compliment. Yumichika tapped his fingers against his chin in thought. "I suppose if I sleep through breakfast… maybe it will balance out…"

Ikkaku rolled his eyes, "Eat an egg at least… or some rice, or a biscuit or somethin'. Don't go hungry, now. Yer' not allowed. Got it?" Yumichika ignored him, standing on his tip toes to get extra close to the mirror.

"How's Hisagi?" Ikkaku glanced at Yumichika as he scrubbed his armpits. Yumichika had practically climbed on the sink countertop to floss his teeth. "I'm talkin' to you," he growled without any real malice.

"He's doing fine," Yumichika said absently.

"What do you even see in him?" Ikkaku blurted out before he could stop himself, noticing the way Yumichika's shoulders hitched, knowing he was about to get awfully defensive.

"What do you care anyways?!" Yumichika had been exploding like that all week.

"Geez, why are you getting so pissed, I was just asking!" Ikkaku frowned.

"My personal life is not your business."

"I _am_ your personal life!" Yumichika's face screwed up in anger, and he started to do that thing where his mouth contorted.

'_You'd better stop, he's getting' hella' pissed,' _Hozukimaru warned him.

"Y-… You! Ooh," He whirled around in anger, crossing his arms.

"What're ya' getting' so mad about?... He's a stupid fuck, I dunno' why yer' dating him."

"Don't insult my choices Ikkaku, being friends with you is one of them." Ikkaku was instantly ticked off, hating the idea of Yumichika not being in his life any more. He knew that he was walking a fine line, as Yumichika never threatened him with leaving unless he was absolutely furious.

He couldn't stop his ire at the mere idea though.

Ikkaku turned off the water, pulling the towel from the edge of the shower around his waist. "Fuck that, Yumichika. Don't act like you have any other friends but me." He ignored Hozukimaru telling him to shut his mouth before it was too late.

"Madarame Ikkaku," Yumichika got up in his face and did not back down, even though Ikkaku was much taller and much broader than he was. "If you insult me again, I swear to god all of Seireitei will know your bankai's name by tomorrow."

"You don't-" Ikkaku paled a little bit.

"I _do_ mean it," Yumichika voice was dangerously soft, and Ikkaku began to edge backwards, heart twisting painfully. He had pushed Yumichika too far. "And not only that, I will _move out_!" Ikkaku felt the floor drop out from underneath him, and he audibly gasped.

Yumichika stomped away, and Ikkaku sat down on the toilet seat, putting his head in his hands, feeling that that was even worse than his bankai being publicized.

"C'mon, Yumi, I was just… I just think yer' too good for him. I wasn't tryin' to upset you… M' sorry."

Yumichika's face softened a little, as Ikkaku seldom apologized for anything. And Ikkaku hoped for a moment that be might be forgiven, but Yumichika's eyes turned back to flecks of ice, and all at once Ikkaku remembered what he had been told so long ago about Yumichika's heart being frozen.

"I'm too good for _you _too, Ikkaku. I am constantly wondering why on earth I am still here!" Whatever remorse Yumichika had felt disappeared from his face as he slammed the door and left the house, even though it was after dark.

Probably left to go sleep over at Hisagi's place. If he had kept his stupid mouth shut Yumichika would be in bed with him and not that stupid punk-faced loser.

Ikkaku stayed awake all night and Yumichika did not come back. He knew that Yumichika hadn't meant it, and had only said it to hurt him, but his heart still was squeezing and bleeding onto the sheets.

The next day Ikkaku left Yumichika alone and stayed the night at Renji's place, just to give Yumichika some time to cool down.

Ikkaku had been treading on eggshells lately, not knowing what on earth was upsetting Yumichika so much. Little did Ikkaku know that Yumichika was sleeping with Hisagi to keep his bankai a secret.

* * *

"He's not mad at you anymore, ya' know," Renji said, "He told me."

Ikkaku sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Just apologize and go home, ya' idiot. Him and Hisagi are havin' a rough time and he just wants someone to appreciate him."

Ikkaku nodded and went back home.

* * *

Ikkaku sat at his desk, hunched over the paper he was writing on. There was a glass of coffee at his elbow that Yumichika had begrudgingly made him earlier, and there were multiple puncture wounds in the wood surface of the desk from where Ikkaku had stuck his sword while writing his signature on official documents.

Yumichika sat on the floor, filling out reports in silence. Fucking silent, the fucking _silent _treatment. It was driving him nuts. Ikkaku scowled, hunching further over his desk, writing messily.

"Yumichika?" His friend did not answer, and continued on in his stupid, stubborn silence. "How do you write forgiveness in kanji?" Yumichika looked up before standing and coming around the desk behind Ikkaku.

That was like a breath of fresh air. Finally, he had gotten Yumichika to respond, to _look_ at him. He was sick of being ignored.

Yumichika's hand shook a little as his eyes flicked over Ikkaku's letter. He took Ikkaku's hand and guided the brush. "There," he breathed next to Ikkaku's ear, and Ikkaku turned to look him in the face. Yumichika's eyes were _smoldering, _and Ikkaku felt helpless for a moment.

"Uhh," he choked out, blinking a few times, inhaling the smell of Yumichika's sweet perfume. Yumichika backed away and Ikkaku was left feeling cold. Yumichika knelt on the floor once again, not looking at him.

"I didn't mean it. I'm not too good for you," Yumichika said, and Ikkaku's heart clenched. "I know you don't think us equals, but I do." Ikkaku's jaw slackened; he didn't know what to say.

"I miss you, you know. I'm sorry I got so angry with you. I wish you'd come home," he said quietly.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Such Great Heights – The Section Quartet_

* * *

"Hey, you fucker. Let's take this outside." Ikkaku grabbed the man by the collar and basically threw him towards the door of the bar. Yumichika sighed, rubbing his bottom, still stinging from the painful pinch and smack combo.

The man's face had already been red from the powerful slap Yumichika had delivered to his cheek, but Ikkaku had still descended on him like a jackal would upon a goat. Yumichika could handle himself, but he often allowed Ikkaku to treat him like a damsel in distress.

If Ikkaku thought he needed him, he was more likely to spend time with him to 'protect' him. Even if it was slightly insulting to his own honor that Ikkaku thought him weak on some level, it appealed to some part of Yumichika, the part that yearned for Ikkaku's affection.

It felt nice to know that Ikkaku cared, even if it was only a little bit.

* * *

Rangiku peeked her head into the hospital room, finding a most curious scene of Yumichika spreading Ikkaku's toes apart, trying to fit a sock onto his casted foot. After deeming it safe to enter - Ikkaku was often very volatile when he was forced into the hospital - she came inside fully, unnoticed by the two men.

"C'mon, Yumichika, ya've gotta' fix it," Ikkaku said in a desperate tone that he would likely _never_ use if he realized that someone other than Yumichika was there to hear. He'd completely shattered his pelvis and legs, not to mention the plethora of other bones he'd broken. He sounded truly distressed, and nearly tearful - probably upset, wondering if he'd ever be able to walk or fight again. "Please, this is my _ass-kicking leg!" _Or that too.

Ikkaku was bandaged from head to toe, and his arms were in splints. All in all, he looked very pitiful, but his eyes were bright, and Rangiku grinned, knowing he was enjoying Yumichika's company, even if Yumichika was angry and causing him pain.

"I really could use that report back," she piped up, and Ikkaku blinked a little, cheeks heating as he noticed her there, witness to his pathetic state. Yumichika didn't even twitch, still roughly tugging the sock over his prone friend's foot, shoulders rigid with anger.

"I'm sorry, Rangiku, you'll have to go somewhere else," Ikkaku said with uncharacteristic meekness and agreeability. He lay there on his back, unable to move anything but his eyeballs and his fingers.

"What?"

"I can't help you, I'm very sorry." And he truly sounded sorry, face scrunched in pain and nervousness. Yumichika violently squeezed his foot, tendons in his forearm contorting from the strength put behind it. "I gave it to Yachiru, you'll have to see her."

Rangiku whined pathetically, long and loud until Yumichika snapped at them both. "I'll redo it, stop that ugly noise this instant, Rangiku!"

"Owch, Yumichika, you're hurting me!" And it must've really fucking hurt for Ikkaku to admit it out loud. Yumichika didn't let up, and Ikkaku bit his lips viciously, whimpering in pain. Rangiku looked at him with sympathy. Yumichika just scowled.

"Oh, don't take pity on the idiot, he's brought it on himself."

"Geez, never thought you'd be one to look down on Ikkaku," Rangiku said in a lilting tone. Ikkaku looked as though he was thinking the same thing.

Yumichika scoffed. "When someone is on a pedestal, they have no choice but to look down. Besides, Ikkaku _chose_ to run himself into the ground."

"Did not," Ikkaku mumbled, gasping when Yumichika squeezed harder and began to elbow him in the middle, "Ow, Yumichika, no, NO, I have _Stitches!"_

"Should've thought of that sooner-"

"OW, FUCK, STOP IT!"

Kira - who had not deemed it safe to enter the room like Rangiku had - poked his head in behind Rangiku, looking confused. Rangiku followed after the blonde, saying something about married couples having tiffs.

* * *

Yumichika had been affectionately pecking Ikkaku's forehead and cheek for years, and Ikkaku would always just sneer and make a show of wiping it off. Yumichika knew Ikkaku didn't want him to do it, but Yumichika didn't know any other way to show his care or affection for his best friend.

Perhaps Ikkaku didn't realize that kissing was the one thing that Yumichika had thought was too intimate to do with his customers. Ikkaku didn't know that Yumichika didn't even like to kiss Hisagi, so when he explained to Yumichika that he wasn't supposed to be doing that, he really hurt Yumichika's feelings.

* * *

The butt-swats, Yumichika could live with.

He could live with it being a different voice from Ikkaku's. He could live with Hisagi smelling differently; he could even deal with the public displays of affection, and having to flaunt their relationship in front of Ikkaku. He could live with sleeping with him and sitting on his lap. He could even live with Hisagi down-talking Ikkaku.

It was Hisagi talking about outing Ikkaku's bankai that pushed him over the edge. No matter what he said out of anger, he would never allow anyone to betray Ikkaku's trust like that.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Stay Beautiful – Taylor Swift_

* * *

It was late when Yumichika came home; He had purple rings under his eyes, and his stomach was growling loudly, and Ikkaku immediately swooped down upon him. Was he tired, was he sick, was he hungry?

Yumichika waved him away, not seeming to notice his unusual, ultra-concerned, anxious manner, "I'm just going to…" His voice trailed off as he yawned, seeming to give up on trying to explain. He started stripping out of his uniform, wandered into the bathroom, and closed the door.

Ikkaku paced for the first hour, laying down on the bed the second, and getting under the covers the third. At that point he had given up on being able to talk to Yumichika that night, and he tried, _really tried_, to go to sleep. But as he tossed and turned, he found that not only could he not get comfortable, but he couldn't keep his eyes closed even though he was dead tired.

The water was still running in the shower, and there hadn't been any other noise for quite a while. Usually Ikkaku could hear Yumichika fiddling with the shampoo bottles or humming or just moving around, but it really was completely quiet in there. Finally his need for sleep outweighed his aversion to bothering Yumichika needlessly, and he got up and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yumi... Are you gonna' come ta' bed?" No answer. Ikkaku squatted down and pressed his ear to the door. He sat back on his haunches and rapped the door with his knuckles again. Still no answer. Maybe Yumichika was angry or irritated, or maybe he was jerking off.

Ikkaku frowned doubtfully. That wasn't very likely - Yumichika didn't do that sort of thing as far as he knew, and he would probably know, seeing as he'd spent the majority of his life with him. Something was probably wrong. Maybe he'd hurt himself! He could've slipped and hit his head and passed out and drowned himself on the shower floor! He was probably dead-

'_Pull yourself together, Madarame. God fucking damnit you've been a pansy lately,'_ Hozukimaru grumbled before pretending to go back to sleep. The stupid liar-sword was probably just as worried as he was.

"Are you alright?... I'm coming in, okay?" He cracked the door open and stepped in cautiously.

"Yuuumi," he whisper-called, creeping further inside, "Are you alright?" He slid slowly over to the corner of the shower door, and slid it open a tiny bit, keeping Yumichika's modesty in mind. "Psst- Oh," he gasped softly.

Yumichika was lying curled up on the floor of their shower, back red and raw from where the water had been raining down on him for hours. He was fast asleep, mouth open, hands folded under his head. Ikkaku blinked, not knowing what quite to do, but he supposed whatever he did, it shouldn't involve waking Yumichika up. He looked really tuckered out.

He turned off the water as quietly as he could, cringing as the knob squeaked loudly. Yumichika didn't move other than beginning to shiver almost immediately. "Betcha' went and got yerself' sick," Ikkaku whispered, feeling quite happy at the idea of taking care of Yumichika for days on end. Yumichika was always taking care of him an' stuff; it was about time he got to return the favor.

He hefted Yumichika's slippery body into his arms, soaking the thin material of his pajamas all the way through almost immediately. He put a couple towels on Yumichika and held him in his lap, ruffling him dry as gently as possible.

He really tried to keep Yumichika covered up, but he couldn't help but get a few glimpses of his legs - smooth glowing skin, a couple bruises here and there - and his bare chest and shoulders.

When Yumichika was no longer dripping onto the floor, Ikkaku stood up with his sleeping body in his arms and nudged the door open, taking them back to their bed and setting him down.

He felt a forbidden impulse to snuggle Yumichika to his chest, but he knew that if Yumichika woke up, he would have some explaining to do; He just put Yumichika's pajamas on and sat behind his sleeping body, letting Yumichika's upper body rest on him. He combed his wet hair leisurely, raking it back against his head, so that he could look at Yumichika's long eyelashes and his relaxed sleeping face.

Really, this was what he wanted. He wanted love, not Yumichika's admittedly gorgeous body. He wanted to watch Yumichika make cereal in the morning in his pajamas with his hair messy, he wanted to watch him sip wine and read on the couch, He wanted to wake up next to him and kiss his forehead. He wanted to go grocery shopping with him and pick out furniture and create a home together. He wanted to do nice things for him and take pictures of him smiling and all the things you do when you're stuck in that sappy romantic kind of storybook love.

That was all he wanted. His heart's deepest, darkest, most secret desire.

He set Yumichika under the blankets on the spot where they had been sitting so that he would be warm, and then he turned out the bathroom light. Ikkaku lay down close to him, but not too close, watching Yumichika's face twitch with dreams for about half an hour.

He wondered if he and Yumichika would be like Captains Shunsui and Juushiro. Life long friends, life long partners that trusted each other and had that sort of special bond that everyone could see. Ikkaku trailed a finger along Yumichika's cheek before retreating to the far side of the bed.

He made sure to whisper a profession of his love before he went to sleep.

* * *

"Mm, yeah, just like that…" Ikkaku drooled a little onto Renji's shoulder. Renji rolled his eyes, allowing it. "Do the… The thing… Oh yeah…" Renji closed his eyes in exasperation and slow boiling ire.

'Remember he's your friend. Remember he's your friend.'

"You're so good…"

'Okay, think of how much Yumichika would miss him if you killed him.'

"Yeah... Mm... That's some good... chocolate." Okay, he didn't care if he was dreaming about sex or insanely good cooking - It made no difference if he was making _those_ noises.

"MADARAME. GET. UP."

"AH!" Ikkaku jolted awake, scrambling back from Renji, "Oh my god, I'm sorry, dude. I'm fuckin' losin' it... Sorry man."

"Who the hell were ya' dreamin' about," Renji grumbled, shaking off Ikkaku's apology, which was manspeak for 'I forgive you, asshole'.

Ikkaku didn't say anything. Renji looked up. Ikkaku scratched the back of his head and looked at the sky, cheeks flushed.

"Oi! Don't ignore me!"

"Geez, fine. I guess I'll tell ya'. Just don't fuckin' laugh. I need advice."

Ikkaku looked around at the other shinigami, somehow still asleep through their antics. He approached and put his face close to Renji's. The redhead recoiled a little, and Ikkaku scowled, "Dude stop, I'm gonna whisper it in your ear,"

"Oh." Renji allowed it this time. Ikkaku whispered the name. Birds fled from the treetops and Ikkaku fell back on his ass.

"OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!"

* * *

Ikkaku was so distraught that he wasn't even _bothering_ to drink, which meant he was in a serious snit. Renji just sat with him, awkwardly putting a hand on his shoulder as Ikkaku vented to him.

"I'm goin' _crazy. _I see black hair and I look up to see if it's him, I smell fucking perfume and all I can think about is him. I find myself checking out pretty things during the day, wonderin' if he'd like them. I've read every single fuckin' thing he's written for Seireitei Communication no matter how dumb they are, and no matter how hard they are to read," Ikkaku took a breath, eyebrows crinkling, thumbs fidgeting.

"I, I… I beat somebody up for fucking _looking_ at him the other day; I'm jealous as hell, and I don't even have a reason to be, because he's not mine or anything! What if he takes Hisagi back?!"

He moaned and put his head in his hands, shaking it woefully, "I'm fucking obsessed with him even though I spend most of my time around him, and that's the worst part about it!... I watch Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku, and I wonder if me an' him could be that happy too… Oh my god, everything I think now is all fucked up and mushy, what is happening to me?!"

"I'm here with ya', man," Renji said, patting his shoulder, knowing that sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear, and not advice. He patted him a little more, and Ikkaku flopped miserably. When Renji decided to be nice, he was very, very nice.

"Ya' never been in love before, have ya'," Renji said then in surprise. Ikkaku shook his head, blocking his embarrassed face with a hand.

"Never been with anyone before him. He's my first friend, my first… everything," Ikkaku sighed, looking off into the distance. Oh boy, he was really _hopelessly_ in love. Renji really could do nothing but feel bad for him.

"I forget that you two are grown-ass men, sometimes." Renji then bumped shoulders with him when Ikkaku asked what he thought he should do. "I think you should tell him. You' gotta'. You live with him; It's not fair to him if you don't tell."

Eventually he convinced Ikkaku that this was the right plan of action.

* * *

The long-time members of the eleventh division, of which there were very few, were shocked when their former member, Abarai Renji, walked straight up to Ikkaku and punched him right in the mouth.

They started a full on brawl right in the middle of the street, "NAN DA YO?! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA DO IT!"

Renji grabbed Ikkaku by the collar, "Don'tch'you put it off any longer, ya' hear me? I swear to GOD, Madarame, if you don't do it by tomorrow, You're gonna have to watch ME date him too."

* * *

Ikkaku had an almost philosophy on life, if he had known what the word meant.

He'd never let his life pass him by; Then he realized that his window of opportunity for getting Yumichika was rapidly shrinking.

It hit him like a blow to the jaw, feeling similar to Renji's fist in his face.

* * *

"Yumichika, wouldja' sit down? There's something we gotta' talk about," Ikkaku said, taking pride in the fact that his nervousness didn't show in his voice. This was the moment of truth. Yumichika turned those eyes on him and he cringed away from him.

"Is it important, Ikkaku? Are you sure we couldn't talk tonight? I have… Rangiku… Never mind, tell me now," Yumichika said airily, sitting down across the kitchen table from Ikkaku. Oh dear, did Ikkaku look _that_ desperate that Yumichika had taken such pity on him?

He scrubbed angrily at his face, and grounded himself, planting his feet firmly on the floor. He worried at his lip for a few seconds before taking Yumichika's hands in his and forcing himself to meet his eyes.

Yumichika's hands neither curled around his, nor twitched away in the slightest, and they were soft and cool and inviting, helping him to gather his courage. Oh man, he was so anxious that he actually felt a little faint. Who was this? Some pansy, or Madarame Ikkaku, the brave warrior with the demon sword... who was quivering in his boots over some pretty boy's opinion of him...

Just as he was about to lose his nerve, he reminded himself that anything that was not truth could not be called love. So he swallowed his pride, his fear, his anxiety, and spoke.

"Yumichika… I've known you for a really long time, and you know… you know that I'd never do anything to _hurt_ you…"

"Oh my god," Yumichika's face scrunched up, and he pulled away abruptly. Ikkaku's heart jumped and started beating so fast that he broke out in a sweat. "Are you saying that you want me to move out?"

"No, no, no," Ikkaku shook his hands wildly, trying to entice Yumichika back over to the table, "I mean… well, you might want to move out after I tell you this, but, please… just listen, okay?"

Yumichika nodded, unruffling his metaphorical feathers, and began biting on a teal colored nail. Ikkaku breathed deeply, trying to get the waves of anxiety flushing through his stomach and up his throat under control. This was _important_, he couldn't be turning into a puddle of mush. Damn, but this was hard; He wondered if it was this scary for other people to admit their feelings.

"I've been holding this in for a long time, and… well, you're just so important to me, that… I, I didn't want to ruin things… So, I… This… This doesn't have to _change_ anything, I just think it wouldn't be fair not to tell you." Ikkaku swallowed, looking down at the table top for a moment, before standing up and walking closer to Yumichika, stopping about a yard short of him.

He clenched and unclenched his fists for a couple seconds, trying to figure out how to word it correctly, but he just couldn't think of anything. Yumichika did not speak, and stood there patiently, looking at him, able to sense his intense dis-ease.

"Yumichika, I…"

Yumichika looked at him with those beautiful purple eyes, and suddenly, Ikkaku couldn't hold the words in any longer.

"I'm so in love with you," he breathed. Yumichika didn't, eyes wide.

* * *

Holy fuck I haven't cried so hard in a long time.

He was so beautiful, so… everything I needed. He fixed everything wrong with me, and ….

Sorry, I couldn't…. My God, what am I fuckin' cryin' for? I'm going crazy, aren't I? Don't cry, Renji, Don't cry, I'm okay, I swear.

He had me so terrified at that moment that I didn't even know what to do. Thought my heart was gonna pop right outta' my chest. I loved him so much right at that moment, and I was so fuckin' scared that he was gonna' give me that cold little… that little smile, you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah… Damn, our faces are fuckin' raw. Where's all this water comin' from anyway?

Keep walkin', just keep walkin'….

N' then after that… He sorta just smiled at me and walked on over, and put his hand in mine and the look in his eyes was so sweet it broke my heart.

* * *

[Spotlight shines on two pairs of bare legs, facing eachother]

(_Muffled speech)_

[ Figures turn and face forward; fade to black]


	11. Life Two: Act IV

(( **PLEASE READ: - 4/3/14 - **I know I said there would be no author's notes until the end, but this is important to know. I know I wanted to space out the posts over a period of weeks, because this is a rather 'slow' pairing. Not many people are into it for some reason, which means hits and reviews don't come immediately for new chapters. I know only a few people read this story, but the people who do, really seem to love it and are begging for more - the reviews given are always praiseful and kind. I don't want to keep these faithful people waiting just because I'm not getting as many views/reviews as I would like. It's a little selfish on my part.

So I'm going to try to post quicker, probably one or two every couple days, just to get the whole story up, (Not counting this week and next, I'm on Spring break and have to go visit relative's who live in an internet dead-zone) because editing this and getting it ready is making me procrastinate on the other stories I'm trying to get started on writing. With this out of the way I can really get cracking on other things with no interruptions or excuses. {I have other stories I'm trying to work on; I made a new policy with myself to not start posting chapters on an unfinished work, because I have a big problem with abandoning stories.}

Also just a side note, I now run a blog for this pairing 'Ask - Yumichika - Ikkaku '. It's a tumblr blog, please go check it out, I've been doing really well with speedy, funny replies! (- Again, not counting spring break.)

I'd also like to let everybody know, that this story is about to get dark. Life one was short and brutal, Life two was drawn out and sweet at the end - They don't die, and have a happy open ended conclusion (I might write a few sequels to Life two) -, but Life three is not a love story. It is a dark, vicious, violent, _abusive_ relationship cycle.

There's an eerie slow-building silence about it - Which is why Life three has no soundtrack.

The intermission that I'm going to include, basically tells what's going to happen in Life three, so you're all ready for it. Just preparing you for angst and dark themes. Suicide, unrequited love, cruelty - the darker sides to the characters. I took the personalities that I created in lives one and two, and exaggerated them. Yumichika is cruel, cold hearted, damaged mentally, and eventually broken. Ikkaku is obsessed, broken hearted, and eventually becomes an abusive monster. _This_ is the 'beauty and the beast' part. But who is who exactly?

There's some foreshadowing for the horror that is to come in Life two, this chapter, the chapter before, and the next chapter (There is also foreshadowing whenever Ikkaku tries to intimidate Yumichika with his size, and Yumichika puts him in his place with his reiatsu). Ikkaku's so afraid to be intimate with Yumichika in the next chapter, because some part of him is terrified of hurting him. His subconscious is warning him of what he will become in his final life.

In the 'omake' 'easter egg' chapter I'll post at the end, I'll reveal all the foreshadowing and further analyze everything that happened. I sprinkled little references all throughout the story and it's very interwoven.

Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this chapter - It's a little choppy in the middle because this _was_ originally a collection of oneshots. None of the pieces really relate to each other, and this chapter has no real plotline or climax or anything, Just fluff and angst.

Please leave reviews, I really value them so much. Even just to tell me that you appreciate the story and like it really reassures me. (:

-Much Love, HadenXCharm ))

* * *

_It was a song of love and war,_

_The way we were before._

* * *

**Act IV: Seize the Day, Or Die Regretting the Time You Lost**

* * *

_Soundtrack: Expression – Helen Jane Long_

* * *

They had lived together in the lieutenant's quarters even before they had gotten together, so really, when they _did_ get together, nobody could tell that anything was different. Looking back, it had all been a bit obvious, but that didn't matter now.

There was no big reveal, no 'coming out' to the world. They gave a short, simple explanation to their closest friends, those people whose opinions they really cared about. They didn't carry on farther than a couple sentences, just stating that they were together, and that was that.

It didn't matter what everyone else thought about them. After all, everyone already thought that they were an item anyway.

* * *

"I love you," Ikkaku said softly, brushing Yumichika's hair away from his face. He had expected it to be embarrassing or difficult to say, but after he had gotten it out that first time, the words came so easily, so naturally, as if they had been sitting on his tongue forever, just waiting to be let out.

"I really love you, Yumichika." Yumichika did not smile, but the look in his eyes was unmistakable: Pure, unadulterated joy. "So much, I love you so much." Yumichika seemed to practically glow, brighter and brighter every time he said it. He was shining like the sun, but he did not smile.

"I love you too," Yumichika replied, meeting his eyes without an ounce of hesitation or dishonesty. He then slowly laced their fingers together with a solemn look on his face, trying to impress on Ikkaku the seriousness of what they were undertaking. Yumichika was trusting him with something important.

Ikkaku grinned. He had found everything that he'd looked for, and it was right here in his hands. Yumichika's heart.

* * *

They didn't go through that awkward conversation explaining to each other what exactly they were now. The one that often comes after you wake up in bed naked, realizing that you had an accidental one night stand. There was nothing like that, that weird, painful talk about whether they were boyfriends, lovers, sweethearts, or friends-with-cuddling-benefits?

It didn't cross their minds, because _it didn't matter_.

After that confession, that raw, naked, fearful confession, there was a precious moment of silence and connection, and they didn't want to break it with stuttering or useless labels. There was a warmth and comfort that came from just basking in each others attention and new-found affection.

That first night, they both just stood there looking at each other for awhile, unwilling to move from that spot, as if they would wake up and realizing they had been dreaming that such a wonderful thing had happened between them. Their hands were entwined gently and they just smiled at each other like lovesick fools.

Then, after a moment of silent understanding, they helped each other get ready for bed, gently teasing and laughing as they brushed their teeth and put on pajamas.

They lie down together on the mattress and felt such intense comfort and relief that there really were no words for it. They felt like they were in the Rukongai again, just meeting this amazing person who had filled their loneliness, stretched their cheeks in smiles, and who had taken up the empty space in the bed beside them.

And it was such a wonderful feeling, holding someone at night.

* * *

They had gotten together just in time for Valentine's day, and Ikkaku, still rather awkward and confused - and god forbid, _shy_ - about the whole thing, had written Yumichika a childish little note, not knowing how these things were supposed to work.

Should he have gotten flowers? Candies? Maybe the note wasn't nice enough? Oh God, he should've gotten flowers, shouldn't he? Or maybe Yumichika didn't go for this stuff. Geez, Yumichika had had alot of partners, but not very many 'significant others'. He'd never really seen anyone try to romance Yumichika besides Hisagi. Maybe Yumichika didn't like this sappy stuff. Oh God, Yumichika was gonna' hate it-

Yumichika was looking at him expectantly, and Ikkaku realized that he had not spoken for quite a few seconds. He looked down and saw that he was holding out his card, and wasn't quick enough in trying to stuff it down his on throat to remove evidence of his failure.

Yumichika took the stupid-looking paper heart, stained with bad handwriting and stray ink splatters. On the back there was a crude drawing of two stick figures fighting blob-hollows with swords, surrounded by hearts and decapitated heads.

Surely, it wasn't romantic enough, let alone his silly poem. But his concerns melted away when Yumichika read his card. The small happy noise and the touched look on Yumichika's face told him that he'd done a good job.

_Blood is red, n' yer face'll be blue_

_If you tell anyone that I love you._

* * *

"Open your mouth, damnit!" Ikkaku did not move, despite the fact that Yumichika rarely swore at him if he didn't mean business. Yumichika held the spoon to his lips. Ikkaku did not move. "Take the medicine!"

Ikkaku shook his head stubbornly, scowling like a child. Yumichika nodded his head, lips pursed, hand on his hip.

Yumichika took advantage of the fact that Ikkaku had two broken arms, and plugged his lover's nose.

* * *

Ikkaku stood there in front of the mirror, completely bushed after that mission. There he was, covered in grime and blood and sweat, hakama pants tattered, and yukata gone. He didn't even have to lift his arms to know that he smelled absolutely nasty.

Yumichika smiled at him from the bed, visible in the corner of the mirror, still looking immaculate like always.

Ikkaku made an effort to wipe some blood from his face, but only succeeded in smearing it around. Yumichika gave a low whistle and a teasing wink. Ikkaku brushed him off with a blush and a grumble to shut up. Yumichika held out his arms for him, imploring him to come melt into his embrace. He had enough sense of mind not to do so, knowing that like this, he would dirty the bed.

"Wait right there babe, I'm gonna' clean up," he mumbled. Yumichika nodded tiredly as he began to get undressed, smiling at him with that fond look that he only graced to particularly beautiful things.

Ikkaku had never thought he looked very handsome, and he just didn't understand why Yumichika looked at him like the brightest diamond on earth.

Damn if he was complaining though.

* * *

Their first real kiss, Ikkaku initiated; very soft, very gentle, and very terrified, with eyes wide open.

Admittedly, it had been months since they had become official, but he had never gotten around to gathering his balls and just _doing_ it. He supposed it was something that people who were in love did, and that he should show his love how he could.

All the excuses he'd had had run out. First he thought it was too early in the relationship to try, then he thought it was the wrong place, oh geez, he had morning breath, oi vey, not romantic enough for a first kiss. And then he started to obsess over whether or not he'd be _bad_ at kissing.

He didn't know anything about kissing. From what he'd seen at the bar, it looked like people just mashed their lips together, sometimes with their mouths open and with their tongues connected by strings of saliva. Yuck. Wow, but he really didn't know how to do it. Did this kind of thing take skill? Oh sweet lord, he might just be downright _awful_.

But when it came down to it, they were all excuses, just like he'd had for not confessing his love to Yumichika in the first place. And his confession had gone very well; maybe it was a sign that he should take another chance.

Romance was supposed to be all about passion, so really the place or time didn't matter. He just had to be brave and quit being so stupid and awkward all the time. Really, the worst that could happen was that he'd be bad at it, and Yumichika would tell him not to kiss him again. And even though that would hurt his feelings, he'd be tough about it and stop like he was asked.

It probably wasn't the best setting or time. They were getting training swords out of the supply closet, behind the barracks' tool shed. The recruits were waiting with the captain back in the arena, but they had this small window of time to themselves, all alone.

Yumichika was smiling at a joke he had just told, giggling a little just like he always would in the old days, and he was just _so beautiful_. He smelled so nice and his clothes weren't wrinkled or dirty in the slightest, and suddenly Ikkaku didn't know if he should taint _gorgeous_ Yumichika with his filthy hands and his filthy mouth and his big, bald, stupidness.

But his lips weren't chapped today and he'd brushed his teeth really good that morning, so his breath probably wasn't too bad. His armpits didn't smell, and if he didn't try to hold Yumichika when he did it, he probably wouldn't ruin his gorgeous appearance too badly. No one was there to see them, no one would know if he messed up. This was his chance. He was going to try.

He surprised himself a little when he decided to just try right now, like this instant; he had been going to plan it out, but right now sounded really good to him for some reason. Ikkaku swallowed and got ready to make his move before his bravery could flee.

Yumichika slid open the supply closet door, and Ikkaku grabbed his wrist to stop him. He slid his fingers down Yumichika's arm to take his hand gently. Yumichika looked up at him questioningly, smile changing from amusement to tenderness.

"You're... so pretty, Yumi..." Ikkaku whispered, edging closer to Yumichika, leaning down to place their faces closer together. Yumichika beamed, one of those precious, real smiles that was saved just for him.

He swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling nervous. Yumichika was a few inches shorter than him, and he was a lot smaller than him too - it made him feel bad, like some big thug taking advantage of his size. But Yumichika was smiling and was leaning into his chest to get closer to him.

Ikkaku took Yumichika's face in his hands, smoothing his thumbs over Yumichika's cheeks. Yumichika's smile faded away and his eyes were questioning. Ikkaku then leaned in jerkily, hesitating for a moment before tilting his head to the side and kissing Yumichika on the lips.

Yumichika's mouth didn't move under his, and he felt the smaller man stiffen up from head to toes. Ikkaku's chest began to clench with anxiety; He had known that Yumichika disliked kissing, but he had hoped it would be different now.

Yumichika's smooth jaw and neck felt so fragile under his big, callused hands, and he rubbed his thumbs against his cheeks a bit more, feeling a fluttering pulse against his fingertips; He really _really_ liked this feeling. Yumichika's lips were so soft, even though they weren't responding to him. Yumichika smelled so nice and he was just so beautiful, like an angel. Ikkaku broke away for a moment, remaining close enough that their noses were brushing together. His very first kiss. He'd kissed Ayasegawa Yumichika. Wow...

Yumichika was still tightened up, face blank and frozen. Yumichika didn't seem to like it; perhaps his technique wasn't very good, but Ikkaku wasn't one to give up that easily. He kissed Yumichika a bit more, gently enough that Yumichika could pull away if he wanted to. He kept his eyes wide open to try to read Yumichika's face, tilting his head to the other side, trying again with a little less pressure.

Yumichika was in shock. He hadn't expected the feeling to be so wonderful.

* * *

Yumichika still sometimes had bad dreams about his old job, and he would wake up late in the night fighting Ikkaku's arms off him, shaking horribly, panicking and saying something about there 'being blood'.

Ikkaku tried to rouse him, insisting that there was no blood, he was safe, no one was trying to get him. Yumichika would come to, and lay there panting and trembling and clinging to him like he was his only protection.

The shaking, he absolutely _hated_ Yumichika's shaking. It was heartbreaking.

Nobody was ever going to touch Yumichika again, not while he was around. He'd even protect Yumichika from himself if he had to.

* * *

"That _ass_," a new recruit jeered as Yumichika rolled up his sleeves, blocking Ikkaku's yari with his forearm. Ikkaku stopped fighting, something that severely alarmed the unseated officers. Ikkaku _ne-fucking-ver_ stopped fighting in the middle of a match.

Yumichika's uniform was extremely conservative for a man, but that didn't give him any lee-way by way of perverted comments. Ikkaku sort of understood why he covered up so much. It didn't keep away the insults, but it didn't invite them either.

"Do you like the taste of feet or something?" Ikkaku fumed, leaving a bewildered Yumichika standing there with his sword held up, as if he was confused why Ikkaku's spear wasn't crossed with it.

"Che- What are you talking ab-" Ikkaku kicked him in the face. None of the new recruits mouthed off after that.

* * *

Yumichika knew why Ikkaku acted the way he did. He knew why he charged into battle so ruthlessly and laughed while he fought. He knew why he said that he wanted to die fighting and die with honor.

Yumichika could remember Ikkaku crying and shaking in his sleep when they were back in the Rukongai. He would act brave and tough during the day, but at night he would have horrible nightmares. Ikkaku was afraid to die, no matter what he said, so Yumichika knew why he acted this way now, treating his life like trash, like he didn't care if he died or not.

Ikkaku had sworn to himself a long time ago that he would never be afraid of dying again, never would he let anyone know if he was scared, not even Yumichika, not even while sleeping. Even if he had to bullshit his way through life, saying stuff like, he wanted to die young, and that he didn't care about leaving this world behind.

But when Ikkaku brushed his hair away from his face and kissed him, Yumichika knew better than to believe that.

* * *

Ikkaku had been walking around all day with a red print on his face, and Renji smirked as he caught sight of the wide goofy grin adorning Ikkaku's face.

Whatever he had done, it had definitely been worth getting beat with Yumichika's sandal.

* * *

Ikkaku insisted that he wasn't afraid of spiders or snakes, he just didn't like them. Yumichika openly admitted that he had a fear of cockroaches and sharks, and insisted that any sensible person would too.

* * *

"C'mon sugar, I'm just tryin' to buy ya' a drink, don't be so cold. What're yer' rates?"

"Frankly, pervert-san, you are the most disgusting, filthy, smelly creature I have ever come across, and the longer you speak to me, the more insipid, irrelevant, and uninteresting this conversation becomes."

Ikkaku scratched the back of his head. Man, he had been getting ready to punch the guy for daring to make a pass at Yumichika, but damn, Ikkaku often forgot that Yumichika really knew how to make a guy feel worthless.

"A'right, no sense talkin' ta' you," the guy snorted, turning his attention onto Ikkaku. "Baldy." He held up his wallet, taking out an impressive amount of money. He tried to make Ikkaku take it.

"What's this for?"

"For yer' boyfriend."

"Well, what are you givin' it ta' me f-" Ikkaku stopped dead, mouth clicking shut. The guy didn't mean he wanted to give Yumichika some money. He was trying to _pay_ for his boyfriend.

Ikkaku's eye twitched. Yumichika ignored them and sipped his fruity drink, kicking his legs against the pegs of his bar-stool. Ikkaku didn't miss the murderous pulse in Yumichika's energy. He was pissed, but putting on a good act of 'innocent and oblivious'.

"An hour."

"No," he said bluntly, repeating a mantra about how it wasn't good for his blood pressure to get all worked up over nothing.

"Half an hour."

"No."

"Ten minutes."

"No."

"A helmet polish?" The guy made some 'blowjob' motions.

"I said 'no'. You are one deaf asshole." By now, he had half-way unsheathed his sword, before realizing what he was doing. Damn, he wondered if Yumichika took him places like this to teach him self control or something.

"Oh pervert-san," Yumichika cut in, smiling that devastating, cat-like grin, "In the future, please avoid using other people to try to inflate your miniscule ego. It won't make your penis any bigger. It's already a microorganism."

"Hooooo, Yumi, you're _poison_," Ikkaku exhaled in a deep voice as the other man growled, going for Yumichika's throat. "But it's_ hot_."

Ikkaku held the man by the collar, and Yumichika pinched a nerve in his neck. "Sleep well, you poor ugly thing." The man went limp.

"Well, if poison's your cup of tea," Yumichika said airily, answering Ikkaku's earlier statement. He kissed Ikkaku's nose, and Ikkaku practically melted. Yumichika beamed before turning away, sipping his drink.

'_Damn_, am I lucky or what?' He let the guy flop onto the floor by their feet and sat back down next to his lover on the bar stool, putting an arm around him.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Here to stay – Bleach Soundtrack_

* * *

Yumichika blinked sleepily next to Ikkaku, head on his bare chest. "Ikkaku," he said softly, wine soaked breath hitting Ikkaku's nose.

"Hm? What's'at darlin'?" Ikkaku mumbled, one eye cracking open.

"Am I your sweetheart?" Yumichika asked, eyes a little bit watery. Ikkaku knew Yumichika got weepy and vulnerable when he was drunk sometimes.

"A' course yer' my sweetheart. No one sweeter n' you," he answered gruffly, petting his head a little bit. Yumichika smiled tiredly, leaning into it.

"And you'll love me even if I get ugly?"

Ikkaku didn't bother with telling him that that would never happen in a jillion years, knowing that tipsy Yumichika didn't understand logic and reason such as that. So he conceded to say, "Even then."

Yumichika seemed to like that answer, and Ikkaku kissed his forehead roughly, holding him tighter to his chest. "Go to sleep, feather-brain."

* * *

Ikkaku knocked on the bathroom door, "Ya' comin' out anytime soon? I gotta' piss."

"Lovely. Go next door. I'm working." Ikkaku sighed. He knelt down and peered through the keyhole. Yumichika was laying on his stomach, leaning on his elbows, filling out battle reports. A mountainous pile of paperwork was behind him in the tub.

Ikkaku stood up. Yumichika often went into the bathroom to sulk, or just for free time. He'd take paperwork and books in there, and stay in there for hours.

Eh. Ikkaku supposed that if he washed out the kitchen sink, no one would know better.

* * *

The smoke alarm went off, beeping loudly, and Yumichika shrieked. He ran into the kitchen and saw Ikkaku squatting in front of the open oven, prodding the burning meat with a knife.

He put a hand over his heart, calming down now that he knew that the house wasn't in danger of being torched. He rolled his eyes, coughing a little, waving his hand in the air to clear it of smoke.

"That's not in the recipe, Ikkaku."

"You're not funny!"

* * *

Ikkaku knew it was corny, but one day in the spring when he knew the sakura would be in bloom, he took Yumichika back to the woods where they first met and carved their names into a tree.

He knew that Yumichika appreciated things like that, and even though Ikkaku would never admit it, he was a pretty sappy guy too.

* * *

For most people, the sight of hair in the sink or the drain is an unwelcome sight. For Ikkaku, it is anything but.

He grinned, and opened Yumichika's conditioner as he got in the shower, just to get that familiar smell back. When that light, aromatic scent hit his nose, he imagined dark, silky hair running through his fingers.

* * *

When out in public confronted by people who scorn his homosexuality, Yumichika politely corrects them with a 'No, no, no, no. _I_ am straight. _Ikkaku_ is gay.' Ikkaku then proceeds to punch the fuck out of them, and they don't bother Yumichika anymore.

* * *

_Soundtrack: You know I'm No Good – Amy Winehouse_

* * *

Yumichika showers Ikkaku with affection no matter how many times he's told to stop, because he knows Ikkaku secretly loves it.

* * *

Ikkaku occasionally does sweet romantic crap, like bringing him flowers - spider-lilies or lotus, or perhaps cherry blossoms - or ice cream - raspberry, sherbert, or maybe lemon custard. He even goes so far as to ask Renji and Rangiku for ideas.

Yumichika is so fuckin' cute when he smiles.

* * *

Yumichika is defended quite viciously by his and Ikkaku's friends. While Yumichika chooses to be touched by this, he knows that they really do it because they're jealous that he cooks for Ikkaku and doesn't force him to eat the nasty commons food like everyone else.

* * *

"I would never leave Yumichika. That's ridiculous." Ikkaku said it as if that settled it, and that for someone to even _think_ that was insane.

"You really wouldn't leave someone so selfish… and… and, and self-centered?" Of course, Hisagi didn't actually _mean_ those things, he was just saying them to get Ikkaku to maybe take the bait, and leave Yumichika so that Hisagi could catch him again. It was kind of pathetic, but Hisagi wasn't over him yet even after all these years. Yumichika just had that charm that kept him wanting.

Ikkaku was a really close friend to Hisagi, but somehow Yumichika had him so lovesick that he didn't even care. He wanted Yumichika even if it meant hurting Ikkaku. Madarame looked at him uncomfortably, obviously feeling weird about having this conversation. Emotions weren't really his shtick.

"I've known him for a really long time… An' _hey-"_ Ikkaku looked at him with offense, as if the stab at Yumichika had personally hurt him. "He might be conceited, and self-important, and god, _narcissistic_… but he's _not_ selfish. Every single thing he does, he does for _me._ You _know_ that._"_

"I'm just saying, someone so arrogant…" Hisagi put his hands in his pockets, raising his eyebrows, hoping that Ikkaku would bite. Ikkaku snarled, scowling so intensely that his eyes were slits underneath his eyebrows. "Ya'd think he wouldn't even care if ya' stepped out on 'im… Ne? He's probably steppin' out on you, so why not shop around, man?" Hisagi elbowed him with a grin. Ikkaku growled deep in his throat. Oi vey.

He wanted Ikkaku to bite, but… well, not _him_. The bait, he meant.

"He's not arrogant, you fucker. That's _trust_." Ikkaku said it as if Hisagi was completely stupid. "He trusts me not to fool around on him. Er' leave him either."

"I'm sure there's some great fish out there though," Hisagi made a chest grabbing motion.

"I've already got my fish." And Hisagi knew there was no hope, because Ikkaku had that lovesick glint in his eye mixed in with his offense and indignation. "I don't fuckin' care if he's vain er' materialistic er' _pissy_."

Ikkaku sharpened his sword on a rock. "He puts up with me even though I'm not much to look at, 'm not the smartest, I make a fuckin' _mess_; I'm rude, n' loud. You know those are all things he _hates _but he somehow puts up with me cause' I've got some sort of redeeming quality." Ikkaku scratched the back of his head, "Even if I can't tell what it is."

"Oh trust me, I have no idea either." Hisagi rolled his eyes as Ikkaku punched him in the arm.

"Why the hell do you care anyways?" Ikkaku said, sounding a little put upon. It was time to whip out the big guns.

"Well there's somethin' that Yumichika's not tellin' you." Telling Ikkaku about Yumichika's zanpakutou would split them up for sure. And whose arms would Yumichika run to for comfort if Renji and Rangiku were unavailable? _His_ of course.

Yumichika was upon them then, carrying a stack of reports. Speak of the devil. "Like what?" Ikkaku looked up at him in confusion.

"I'm not telling you that I bought you a new flavor of taiyaki for your birthday, and I spent way too much money on it. An _obscene_ amount. You'll be angry for sure if you find out. So don't tell yourself," Yumichika said smoothly, kissing Ikkaku's forehead, then glaring at Hisagi with a face that clearly said, '_Korosu'._

"Oh," Ikkaku said, grinning widely. "Well frick, Hisagi." He looked at him with this weird combination of a happy smile and confused anger. Shuuhei gave a loud 'ugh' and walked away.

* * *

Yumichika slammed the door, and took a few steps before starting to run. He didn't know where he was going, he just knew that he needed to get out of here.

He and Ikkaku seldom had serious fights. He wondered if his lover would be gone for good this time.

* * *

Ikkaku called Yumichika his princess, but only very occasionally and in private. It was something that he had been called in the Rukongai far and wide for his beauty, and for his haircut; it was now a tender nickname.

* * *

_You say stronger is better,  
Than quick and clever,_  
_But I think we know that isn't true._

_Because it doesn't matter  
If I'm under a ladder,_  
_I'm still walking circles round you._

_-Beautifully yours, Yumichika_

Ikkaku didn't really care if Yumichika had him round his pinkie; He loved the shit out of that man, even when he was teasing him.

Ikkaku knew that without him, his lucky charm would be gone.

* * *

Renji handed Yumichika his bankbook back as he rifled through his files. "Holy shit." He ran a hand over his head, not knowing quite what to think, other than that he was really impressed.

Yumichika explained that he and Ikkaku have a joint-paycheck.

"Still, that's not enough ta'-" Renji gestured asininely, referring to the insane figure. "I mean, yer' a fifth seat, my pay should be at _least_-"

"I'm paid triple because I do ALL the squad paperwork." That included the captain's work, the lieutenant's, every seated officer, _and_ the mission reports. Sure, the squad members tried sometimes, but their handwriting was so atrocious that most of the paperwork they did was useless.

This was how Yumichika afforded all his fancy shit and Ikkaku's humongous bar tabs and laundry bills. They were richer than they looked, and often paid their friend's hospital bills. "On top of that, I get a bonus for making sure the captain and the lieutenant go in for their physicals at the hospital. It takes quite a bit of persuading."

"This explains all those promotion notices you kept gettin'," Renji mumbled. From what he remembered, the Eleventh division's inbox had always been filled with envelopes requesting Yumichika to come and join other divisions, because he does twenty times as much work faster than all the regular members can finish their own. Renji had heard that Byakuya had actually offered to replace him with Yumichika, just for the paperwork skills alone.

Pretty impressive, Renji thought. That explained why he always got such nice gifts on holidays. His friends were _rollin_' in it.

* * *

Yumichika always patiently takes care of Ikkaku when he has a hangover, no matter how sweaty, grumpy or barfy he gets. This is why Ikkaku always carries Yumichika's bags when he's shopping.

More than a fair exchange.

* * *

When Ikkaku is away on a mission, Yumichika sleeps on top of the covers even if it's freezing.

When Yumichika is away on a mission, Ikkaku has trouble getting to sleep, but when he does go to bed, he moves the sheets into the bathroom and sleeps on the floor, surrounded by Yumichika's scent.

* * *

Yumichika came home from guard duty one day, knowing that Ikkaku was out on a mission in the human world still, and that he would be sleeping alone on their anniversary.

He entered their bedroom and saw a glass bowl filled with cloudy pond water and a beautiful golden fish.

* * *

Hisagi has been pursuing Yumichika for years, trying to win him back. He had been mostly passive and subtle about it, but he was definitely trying.

One day, he got too bold with his approaches, and ended up with a broken arm.

He had moved to brush Yumichika's hair off of his face, and Ikkaku had appeared out of nowhere, face screwed up in rage, grabbing his forearm in an iron grip and squeezing until it snapped in half.

Funnily enough, this did not deter Hisagi. What did, was listening to the war stories be retold, and he remembered Yumichika's agony and desperation in fake Karakura town when Ikkaku's pillar had collapsed.

* * *

Although summer was Ikkaku's favorite season, he enjoyed the little rosy blush that would appear at the tip of Yumichika's nose when it was winter.

* * *

"Hurry _up," _Yumichika screech-whispered at Ikkaku, whilst throwing things from inside his dresser behind him in panic. "I can't believe you made me late, I'm going to be _ugly_ for an insanely fancy _funeral." _Ikkaku rolled his eyes, carefully biting back a smile. He quite enjoyed his lower extremities and didn't want them clawed off if Yumichika caught sight of him giggling at his expense.

Yumichika then turned around and, oh crap, Ikkaku cringed, because that was Yumichika's _look_. The look he got when he was looking at something hideous and disgusting and undesirable. And it was directed at _him._

"You're wearing _that_?"

Ikkaku smoothed the front of his yukata defensively, "What's wrong with it?"

"Well-" Yumichika spluttered, looking exasperated and flustered, and oh god, when Yumichika gets flustered he gets scatter-brained, and angry, and worst of all, _weepy_. "What's _right_ with it?!"

"Oh my god," Ikkaku groaned, yanking it back over his head. "Pick something then," Apparently those words were music to Yumichika's ears because he gave a little smile.

* * *

"Yumi, I've had like _five_ people tell me that your gigai bullies my gigai when we leave them with the Gikon."

"What are you talking about?"

"… Your gigai makes my gigai cry."

* * *

Ikkaku remembers the exact pattern of Yumichika's kimono from the day they met in the woods. He remembers exactly how many men Yumichika had to sleep with before Ikkaku busted in and said enough's enough, you don't have to do this to yourself. He remembered the long nights where he brushed Yumichika's hair and told him stories of battle.

While Yumichika remembered a lot too, He remembered a lot more than Yumichika. He just pretended to be clueless because he didn't wanna seem like a sentimental wimp.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Menouthis – E.S. Posthumus_

* * *

Ikkaku would never admit it, but he loved flowers, because they reminded him of Yumichika.

They looked beautiful, smelled great, appeared fragile, but could grow in adversity, even from a blood soaked battlefield.

* * *

That day, Yumichika remembered his sister, and apologized to her, knowing he was soiling her memory.

Yumichika flash stepped - so quickly that Ikkaku wouldn't notice he'd been there. He shielded his love from the deadly blow to the back of the neck, taking the blade on his own chest.

And as blood ran from his lips, he knew he was not being selfless; he was being selfish.

* * *

Kenpachi had been a little concerned that Ikkaku's battle tactics would change now that he and Yumichika were serious n' stuff, but that fear soon fled his mind.

Rather than hold back or become cautious, Ikkaku was more vicious in battle, a true force to be reckoned with. He went from being a tornado of blades to a full-on hurricane.

"Shinigami... Give up, all hope is lost."

Ikkaku collapsed, yari sticking out of the ground, his only support. He pulled himself up, again and again, and even Kenpachi was intrigued by his will to win. "Sorry, I can't do that. I'm not allowed to die yet, I got' someone to go home to."

He leapt in the air, screaming, "_I can't afford to lose!"_

* * *

Sometimes people asked Yumichika if Ikkaku was really bald, because being his lover, he would know, and Yumichika would just laugh, and tell them "_Yes_, There's not a _hair_ on his _body_," all the while cackling madly.

They could never tell if he was kidding or not, and that was probably his intention.

* * *

"Huh-" His breath left him as the sword pierced his gut, twisting, and ripping its way out again.

Scenes flickered before Ikkaku's eyes, and suddenly he was outside, watching fireworks in the distance, he was eating dango with Yumichika at a small stand, he was graduating from the academy, he was chasing fireflies with Yumichika, he was nabbing Yumichika's legs underwater and tickling him, he was whispering 'I love you'.

Ikkaku consciously felt his heart stop and his blood slow in his veins. He was dead, wasn't he? He was dead.

"IKKAKUU!" He couldn't open his eyes, all he could do in this overwhelming darkness was cling to Hozukimaru and his corpse as hard as he could, trying not to be separated from it. He couldn't die, he couldn't be dead yet, it couldn't be over.

Distant screams brought him back to earth.

* * *

While Ikkaku constantly and incessantly swears, he hates it when Yumichika does, because when Yumichika gets going, he doesn't stop, and it means that he's seriously pissed off and on the edge of considering leaving him.

* * *

Ikkaku hates being taken to the hospital, so Yumichika takes care of him at home and feeds him soup no matter how much he protests that he can hold the spoon himself. He waits on Ikkaku hand and foot, as long as Ikkaku doesn't abuse that power. Yumichika also reads to him a lot, because Ikkaku hates being left in the house alone.

Ikkaku loves this.

When Yumichika is sick or hurt, he just lies pitifully in bed and sleeps, having to bandage himself because Ikkaku isn't very good at it. Yumichika will tell Ikkaku to go away so he can rest, but Ikkaku just sleeps on the floor by the foot of the bed in case Yumichika needs him.

Yumichika doesn't appreciate that very much.

If the wounds fester and persist for longer than a few days, Kenpachi eventually takes Yumichika to the hospital himself, yelling angrily at Ikkaku about dickheads who let their friends suffer and die because of their own pride.

* * *

_Soundtrack: I don't care – Apocalyptica_

* * *

Yumichika lay in bed on the edge of sleep. Ikkaku had been sitting awake, next to him in bed. Very quietly, almost when he had thought that Ikkaku was asleep too, he heard his voice,

"I... Maybe... Maybe I'd protect you... if it came to you dying... I think I would... I can't call myself if a man if I can't defend my family... Maybe I..." Ikkaku went quiet for a couple minutes, then got up and left the room.

Yumichika could hear him moving around in the kitchen, pouring himself a drink. He didn't come back to bed.

* * *

Yumichika eventually did release his shikai in front of Ikkaku. He liked to believe that he wasn't senselessly cruel and violent, but seeing Ikkaku repeatedly and brutally stabbed and then thrown twenty feet for protecting him went beyond his nearly boundless reservoir of patience and mercy.

* * *

Ikkaku had heard rumors of Yumichika's secret shikai but hadn't believed them, because he had thought Yumichika would've told him about something so important.

Of course, he could understand why Yumichika hadn't told him. People had misunderstood Zaraki and turned Squad Eleven into the 'I-Hate-Kidou-Corps'. Zaraki hadn't cared enough to correct them, chaotic neutral that he was.

The last thing Ikkaku remembered before he passed out from blood loss, was Yumichika crouching over him, drenched in blood, trying to fend off the swarm of hollows; He thought, 'At least we're dying together', as he coughed up blood weakly, trying to grip Yumichika's ankle.

Yumichika moved, heel right in front of his face, other leg behind Ikkaku's gasping and heaving body. A large kidou bomb swirled in Yumichika's hands and exploded, smoke spreading over the ground in a gigantic mushroom cloud. Ikkaku clung to Yumichika's tattered hakama.

Reiatsu blasted over the battlefield, and Ikkaku's breath frosted in the air in front of him. Suddenly, it hit him. Yumichika forcing him to back down with his chilling reiatsu. Yumichika's jokes about letting him win. The rumors about his shikai. Zaraki always yelling at Yumichika to kick his ass.

Yumichika's reiatsu was colossal, ravenous and he'd been hiding it since the day they'd met.

Then there was a large burst of turquoise light and Yumichika screamed something, standing over him defensively.

And Ikkaku lost consciousness, thinking what a beautiful sight all those flowers were.

* * *

"So… All this time you've just been letting me win?... You haven't even fought me at half power?" Ikkaku said blankly, laying there in the hospital bed. Yumichika held his hands, leaning towards him, face screwed up in despair. He nodded timidly, looking down.

"Wow…" He said in shock.

"It was inconvenient to me… I couldn't control it or... I could only hide it. I was afraid." Yumichika looked down. When Ikkaku didn't say anything, Yumichika kept talking nervously.

"And then it got more worse when we joined Zaraki's squad, and when you began to hate kidou, and…" Yumichika grimaced, swallowing.

"I thought that… maybe you only wanted to be near me because I was that one person that you didn't feel like fighting… If you had known about it, then that would've changed. You would've wanted to try fighting me for real… and one of us would've had to die."

Yumichika swallowed, not meeting Ikkaku's eyes. "And then when we came to Seireitei... I feared you might become so angry with me that you would try to kill me. I kept it secret... I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I was afraid of… losing your respect. I'm sorry I have a kidou sword, I tried so hard to… I hope you're not very angry with me."

"I'm not… I'm just stunned… N' fuckin' proud of you. Damn." Ikkaku shook his head. "Either I'm stupid as hell, or you're crazy good at keepin' secrets. You… You did all that for me… You coulda' graduated early… You could… You could be in any division you wanted. You… let men take advantage of you instead a' fightin' them off... You made part of your soul hate you… just so…"

Yumichika stayed silent.

"You were dead set on keepin' it secret so you could stay in the Eleventh with me… You would've died before you gave it up… but you gave it up to protect me," Ikkaku said, as though the horror had finally set in.

Yumichika looked up at him. Ikkaku's face crumpled, and he swallowed thickly, "Why do you love me so much?" He lay there, looking up at the ceiling, eyes empty.

Yumichika whispered to him, "You're everything to me… I would do absolutely anything for you."

Ikkaku blinked a couple times, curling his fingers tighter around Yumichika's. "Me too, babe."

And they kissed, both whispering, "No more secrets."

* * *

Ikkaku would never admit it, but he knew how many days he'd known Yumichika, how many days they'd been together, how many anniversaries they'd had, how many times they'd kissed, and how many times he'd said I love you.

He wanted it to be a lot, because he didn't know for sure how long either of them had.

* * *

Ikkaku got up off the ground, whirling around, trying to figure out who had shoved him down.

His eyes went wide. Yumichika had… No, no, this wasn't right. Ikkaku screamed in rage, leaping in the air and slicing the Vasto Lorde in half. He yanked the sword out of Yumichika's gut and helped lower him to the ground, pressing his hand over the wound.

"Why, Damnit?!" Ikkaku said in shock. "WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!" He screamed in rage and anguish. They were from the eleventh division. Protecting someone was insulting and stupid. You didn't do that sort of thing. Ikkaku tried to keep this in his head as Yumichika's blood coated his hands.

He knew that was a load of shit. What about _loyalty_? You helped your friends, you defended them in a tight corner, You don't abandon your family. People you love.

"Why?" he whispered, voice cracking. Yumichika smiled a little, eyes dazed and pained.

"You said so yourself… Only protect someone who'd protect you in return…" Yumichika gasped for breath. "Only give your life… for someone who would do the same for you."

Ikkaku's breath was coming in short bursts as he shook his head in rapid denial. Yumichika blinked sleepily, "You'd do the same for me... wouldn't you?... Wouldn't you?" Yumichika's eyes closed.

Ikkaku's eyes went wide and he clutched Yumichika to his chest. "Yes... Yes, I would die for you... I would die for you, Ayasegawa Yumichika."

The first time Ikkaku had cried in a long time was in Yumichika's comatose lap, on top of his hospital sheets. That blow had been meant for _him_, damnit!

* * *

Ikkaku smiled as he handed Yumichika the clumsily wrapped box.

The purple necklace matched so perfectly with Yumichika's eyes, that Ikkaku had bought it despite the fact that he wasn't able to eat regularly, he was so poor.

Rather than give it to Yumichika, he kept it; In fact, he kept it so long that he had forgotten that he had bought it. He found it almost fifty years after they had escaped from the Rukongai, among their old clothing. He still didn't give it to Yumichika, not until they had been together for twenty years.

Somehow after all that time, it made the gift more special, with more sentimental value. It was just as beautiful as the first day he saw it, just like Yumichika's eyes.

* * *

Ikkaku knew what would happen if he died first, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle it if Yumichika was the one to go. Rather than make that impossible decision, Ikkaku decided he wanted to live for thousands of years with Yumichika until they both got old.

He just kept up that 'go down fighting' nonsense for appearances.

* * *

"Do you feel that I take you for granted, Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked curiously, glass of red wine perilously close to spilling. Ikkaku looked up sleepily, chugging cheap sake.

"Huh? Well I'm not exactly good lookin', am I." It was not a question. Ikkaku continued to drink like a fish. Yumichika frowned.

"Do I not compliment you enough? Do I tell you that I think you're beautiful?" Ikkaku choked on his alcohol. He coughed, beer dripping out his nose. He looked at Yumichika with smarting eyes, in obvious discomfort over the compliments that he rarely got.

"Because I do… I think you are a great warrior. You have the body of a god." Ikkaku blushed heavily as Yumichika crawled over the couch onto him. Yumichika squeezed one of his biceps with his free hand, smiling widely. Ikkaku leaned back as Yumichika got closer and closer, mouth working uselessly.

"I want to kiss you and bite your neck and lick your stomach." Yumichika purred, "I know I seem ungrateful, but I am not completely ignorant," Yumichika's voice got slow and seductive and Ikkaku screwed his eyes shut, knowing all about Yumichika's magic spell, "of the treasure… I… possess." Yumichika kissed the tip of his nose.

And he _hated_ when Yumichika got like this, because this was the _one _thing he couldn't give to Yumichika. He never came out and actually _said_ 'Hey, I uh... don't wanna' do the... uh... _thing_ with you', but he thought that Yumichika had picked up on the message anyways. Everything was always innocent.

Even though from the outside their relationship looked as though sex was the only thing they might have in common, it was really something that had no place between them. There was no tension, no repression, no passionate lust or envy. They were _happy._

That's why he hated when Yumichika acted this way - usually while drunk. He made Ikkaku feel like just another disgusting man from the bar that Yumichika was trying to charm. He was reminded of how these people had used and abused his sweetheart, his love. He didn't want there to even be a shadow of a doubt - There could be _no_ way to be compared with those men; He couldn't bear it.

Ikkaku was scared, shameful as it was. He was afraid, and there was no denying it. He didn't know how to go about such things. He was afraid to mess up, he was afraid to even attempt that type of thing. All the blood and screaming of his mother and sisters was still to close behind him.

Yumichika. He might lose him. He was scared that this love that they had would disappear when they added a sexual facet to it, that it would fade like it did for everyone else. He could go up against an army of hollows and feel no fear, but the moment Yumichika touched him _there_ with those lustful eyes, he... he really was _frightened._

He didn't want things to change, he didn't want to _hurt_ Yumichika, he didn't want to look down and see the same sight he'd seen so many times. Yumichika in pain, Yumichika forced into submission, humiliated. He didn't want it to be _him_ doing it to Yumichika.

He just wasn't ready yet. He hoped Yumichika wouldn't ask, because he didn't know how to say 'no' to him, and 'no' was what he needed to say.

"Special…" Yumichika's seductive glint had vanished from his voice, and Ikkaku cracked his eyes open, meeting the deep purple that he loved so much. The warm, loving, _comforting _eyes, the eyes that made him want to move mountains, to make Yumichika proud of him, to make Yumichika see beauty when he looked at him. "You are very special."

His heart melted, flooding his chest with warm glop. Yumichika enjoyed his company, Yumichika didn't need that part of him, Yumichika loved _him_. Yumichika thought he was special and beautiful and _wonderful_, and he didn't need that one thing, that one thing that seemed so insignificant when he thought about it.

Exceptions. Exceptions made. Yumichika, who had thrown his body out like loose change in order to survive, did not need to have sex with him. Ikkaku who had fought and killed, always searching for his next fix, did not need to fight Yumichika.

Yumichika wanted to bestow love upon Ikkaku, the most closely guarded thing he owned. He trusted Ikkaku with his heart, the one thing he had never given away.

And Ikkaku. Ikkaku wanted to bestow protection upon Yumichika. He who thought protecting someone was insulting, he who thought that fights were meant to be to the death and without help, he who thought that eleventh division members should die by the sword; _He_, Madarame Ikkaku, would die protecting Yumichika. Nobody was ever going to hurt Yumichika again, take advantage of him, use him - _never_ again, not while Ikkaku was around._  
_

Yumichika was special.

And Yumichika thought he was special too.

If Yumichika believed that, then maybe there _was_ something special about him. Because if Ayasegawa Yumichika said that something was beautiful, you'd better believe it.

* * *

Let it be known that Ikkaku Madarame was not afraid to romance the living shit out of Yumichika. No matter how long it was that they'd been together, no matter how sappy or wimpy it seemed to other people, Ikkaku still felt the spark even after so long, and occasionally did sweet crap, especially on Valentine's day.

That was the only time he did anything in public. There was no hand holding, no kissing, no sweet names outside of their home on any other day of the year - besides their anniversary. Today was the day to shower affection on Yumichika in front of other people.

It wasn't quite the same to stake his claim by being viciously jealous and violent towards anyone he felt was a threat. He did that every damn day of the year. On this day, Ikkaku could say 'this is _mine'_ in a nice way, without the bloodshed and the shouting.

It was a shame that Yumichika got lots of valentines from others too. He had to step up his game to make sure Yumichika still thought he was the best. Even with that insecurity, it was a little fun to plan nice things for Yumichika.

Hisagi smiled, hand clenched around the bunch of flowers he had just bought. Yumichika had to be around here somewhere. Valentine's day is only once a year after all, and it was also the day that Yachiru goes nuts for candy. Yumichika just _had_ to be out at least looking for her, if not trying to keep her under control.

He spotted Yumichika moving around on Kenpachi's office's porch, and made a beeline towards him.

"ACK!" came a loud voice and a few bumps, and Ikkaku's body flopped down over the edge of the office's roof, caught by his pants. He shook his head in disorientation, and hung there in shock. What he had been doing on the roof, Hisagi had no idea.

Yumichika startled severely, gasping at the loud noise and sudden movement. He fell back against the wall with a hand over his heart. Ikkaku's body was covered in dirt and bloody scratches, and he had a mangled flower clenched in his fist. He looked as though he was surprised to see Yumichika standing there. Yep. Falling off the roof had definitely not been part of whatever his plan was.

"Oh hey, Yumichika, Will ya' be my valentine?" Ikkaku gave a manic grin, eyes bright and childish, arms dangling down. Hisagi stopped dead. He'd never thought that Ikkaku had the balls to do something like that in public. He'd probably had something else planned too, but this-

Yumichika breathed heavily from shock before taking Ikkaku's upside down face in his hands and kissing him deeply.

Hisagi gave the flowers to Kira instead. He had never really had a chance with Yumichika to begin with anyways.

That blonde was cute under those bangs, besides.

* * *

Yumichika took another shot, knocking it back quickly. A little bit dribbled down his chin and dripped into his lap, escaping his notice. He leaned heavily against Rangiku, smiling lazily, as she downed the last of her sake bottle. Across from them in their drinking circle, Hisagi hiccupped, shoulders hunched miserably, "My turn now. Ran-_hic-_giku... Rangiku, Truth."

"Haaiiii," she said, licking her lips, blinking sleepily as she and Yumichika hugged each other for warmth. Ikkaku scratched his head, a little hazy in his intoxication. That wasn't how the game worked, was it? Truth or... What? Huh? He couldn't remember; he was pretty drunk at the moment, but he was _sure_ that the person getting asked was supposed to pick truth or dare, not the other way around.

"How many, _hic, _how many men ya' slept with?" Ikkaku slapped Hisagi upside the head, and Iba punched his arm. Hisagi whined in pain, flopping over onto the ground unsteadily.

"Ya' fuck!" Renji shouted at Hisagi, throwing a pretzel at him. "Ya' don't ask women that! T's like askin' their age - Ya' _don't_'cha _don't_'cha_ don't_!... Unless ya' want 'em ta' get ya' like this," He made an upwards grabbing motion that probably was indicative of 'having someone by the balls'.

"Yeah, ya' stupid fuck, yer' rude as hell," Ikkaku mumbled; Iba nodded sharply. Hisagi whined some more, mopey and drunk as all get out, but still demanded that Rangiku answered. The others deemed it fair that now that the question had been asked - rude as it was - it had to be answered.

"I don't know, it's not like I keep a belt and put notches in it," Rangiku said indignantly, sounding frighteningly sober for a moment. She was the most experienced drinker there, besides Ikkaku of course, and could make herself pay attention, etc. "How am I supposed to know that?" They stared at her. "Don't look at me like that. Yumichika doesn't know either. Do you, Yumichika? How many guys? You don't know, do you?"

Yumichika blinked, shaking his head more times than was necessary. "Not really, no." Ikkaku sighed, gulping down half of his bottle in one go. He needed to be more drunk if he was gonna' hear about Rangiku and Yumichika's past conquests.

He swiped some of whatever Hisagi was drinking and poured it in his bottle clumsily, spilling some out onto the ground. Renji mumbled some profanity and said it looked like someone had puked. Ikkaku shoulder-bumped him in irritation and amusement.

"Do remember some pretty _hic," _Rangiku crossed her legs, scratching her head as if she had lost her train of thought. She started over, "The weirdest shit stands out in my mind."

Yumichika scratched his head, "Mhmm…" He gulped again, probably the most sober out of all of them, even though he'd been drinking at the others' pace. "One guy wanted me to gag him with his socks... His moldy, sweaty, dirty socks."

Rangiku nodded, "One a' mine wanted me to put a beer bottle up his ass." Yumichika nodded like he understood. Iba spat out his beer in shock and began coughing.

"Mm, I got him too." Yumichika nodded again. Renji laughed hysterically, diving over Hisagi's lap to grab Yumichika around the middle, asking for him to make his birthday cake this year - because the nasty socks had somehow reminded him of the time when he'd gotten a cupcake upon entrance to squad eleven. And it tasted really good. So Yumichika should make his cake. Please. Pretty beautiful please with a beer bottle on top fucking a guy's ass.

"Oh my fucking god," Ikkaku pounded Iba on the back and then got up to drag Renji to bed.

* * *

"Oh, Hello Captain," Yumichika greeted Zaraki, leaning against his dresser, smiling. He held his yellow feathers against his eye, waiting the last few seconds for the glue to dry. Kenpachi stood awkwardly in the doorway of his bedroom. "You're looking vicious today,"

"Che', Thanks. I put on my 'extra vicious' cologne." He rolled his eyes, grunting, "Was just checkin' on ya'. Ikkaku was worried about ya' for some reason."

Yumichika frowned, "I don't see why he would be, I'm perfectly fine."

"Yea', but'ch'yer' late."

"Oh?" Yumichika checked the clock, and his face wilted in dismay, "Oh dear... I'm so sorry, Captain, I didn't get hardly a wink of sleep last night." Indeed, there were some dark circles under Yumichika's eyes. "I didn't mean to be a bother."

"Fer'git' it. Only half an hour late. Like I said, 'm just checkin', cuz' Madarame said to. He worried... Lots... An' loudly."

"Good grief, why would he do that? I'm not very ill or in great danger. Just a cold. He _has_ been rather... an overbearing... hypochondriac lately," Yumichika said as he tugged on the top layers of his uniform, struggling with tying it.

Kenpachi grimaced, looking as though he might have an idea of what the matter was. The strangest people were romantics, especially that bald weirdo. He'd been visibly, and _audibly_ worrying over Yumichika for weeks now. Whether it was due to that sex-tattooed loser, or due to Yumichika's slight sickness, it wasn't quite clear, but he was being even more of a jealous, overprotective ass than usual.

Maybe it had finally gotten through his hard, bald-head that he had something that could easily be taken away by another man, by death, by a loss of interest. He had been taking excellent care of Yumichika, treating him like royalty, and was happy doing so - At least until he'd gotten sent out on his mission in the living world.

"Hm... While I'm here, we should talk." Of course, Zaraki was going to try to breach this topic gently - or as gently as he could - but he didn't know exactly how much fear Yumichika had of being discovered. He had seen Yumichika's shikai, he'd seen him brutally defend an unconscious Ikkaku, he'd seen his secret, and he was thoroughly impressed.

He'd talked it out with Ikkaku first, and Ikkaku told him very severely that Yumichika was _terrified_ of this being known and that he'd better be fucking delicate about telling him. Ikkaku had even gone so far as to _threaten_ him against kicking Yumichika out of the squad. Of course, he'd never thought about doing that. The four of them were family by this point. Their seats were absolute and incontestable.

The problem was that Yumichika didn't know that.

"Oh?" Yumichika grew a little bit nervous, twiddling his thumbs after finishing with tying his hakama. "And… Whatever about?"

"C'n I sit?" Zaraki grunted, and Yumichika nodded, moving out into the living room with his captain. He folded his legs beneath him and sat on the floor. Kenpachi inwardly cringed; Yumichika was really so small compared to him, such a spitfire, such a fighting spirit. He didn't want to be the bucket of water that would crush him, kill him, put out his light.

"Douzo." Yumichika said, spreading his hands to indicate that he should sit near him. He hunkered down and got comfortable in front of his subordinate. Zaraki scratched the back of his head, wondering how to begin. This was a rather delicate situation and should be treated as such. "Captain?" Yumichika said nervously, eyebrow twitching erratically. He looked like a glass reflection that was just waiting to be shattered. He needed to be really careful explaining the situation to-

Fuck it.

"I know about yer' sword," he said bluntly. Yumichika went white, growing very still and quiet, hands fisting on his pant legs. Kenpachi swallowed, feeling bad, like he had just kicked a baby animal in the stomach. He plowed on bravely, "I just wanted to tell ya'... When I was younger, there was this one fight that I really enjoyed. Against the first Kenpachi." He smirked, reminiscing.

"That person… Well, I didn't have a name, and neither did Yachiru at the time, and… the only person I had ever admired was her… so we both took her name. I'd never met anyone who fought like that, and it just so happened that her sword was a kidou type... The strongest blade to ever have crossed me was wielded by a woman- the first person to defeat me, had a kidou sword." Yumichika just stared, still paper white in the face.

"That's why our first rule is ta' respect women. I know how they get treated here. Like they're weak. They get harassed and put down n', mistreated n' shit. Che'. Underestimatin' them gives 'em an advantage. You won't know what hit ya' till they cut ya' ta' bits. Same with kidou. If yer' strong yer' strong."

"But, You... you _hate_ kidou, taichou?" Yumichika stuttered, pale and shaky. "This can't be..." He looked devastated, and Kenpachi knew why. He'd probably suppressed himself for so damn long, so long denying him self, holding himself back from being the best that he could be. He'd probably could've had bankai years ago, he could've been a lieutenant, could've been a vicious slaughtering machine if he hadn't held himself back. It was probably bittersweet and heartbreaking to hear now that all that pain and secrecy had been for nothing. Yumichika looked at him in disbelief and Kenpachi felt a deep pang in his chest.

Yumichika really was family. He and Ikkaku, and Yachiru too. They were his family, and if it came to it, as insulting as it was, he'd die for his family, he'd protect them if they needed it.

"Taichou..." Yumichika crumpled, shoulders slumping, head dropping down, "Kidou is shameful, loathsome, unfair behavior. Cheating, it's cheating, we all know that; We don't permit it. Everyone here hates it. You and Ikkaku especially." Yumichika's hands were shaking a little, and his voice was deep and scratchy with self hatred.

Zaraki waved a hand, trying to comfort him in a distant way, "Truth be told n' shit? I hate it cuz' I suck at it. Don't have the patience to learn. M' no good at that delicate stuff. Kanji, directions... Kidou. M' just no good. It's why I made ya' teach Yachiru ta' read an' write. I don't have the patience for that kinda' stuff. It's fucking difficult. It's not cause' it's fer' weak people er' somethin', it's just _tedious stuff_."

Kenpachi grimaced when Yumichika did not look up at him, shaking his head in disbelief. Yumichika bit his lip, staring at the floor, shaking his head back and forth, unable to accept that this was real, that he wasn't dreaming.

"You know how me and Ikkaku are like. We don't discuss tactics or hit the nail into a wall with a hammer. We use a fucking wrecking ball and just bust up the entire wall. We ain't good with the heavy thinking er' the... the persistence part of it. Me n' Ikkaku still need help learnin' all that reading an' patience an' stuff." He laughed a little bit then, forcing his unyeilding, monstrous reiatsu to bend around Yumichika and try to enfold him in something that was meant to be comfort. Yumichika choked and coughed, straining to keep his emotions from spilling out his eyes.

"Part a' my problem with directions; I can't read no damn signs... Truth is, we're jealous a' ya'. Ya' balance us out bein' able to focus and concentrate on that stuff while we just bumble around fuckin' shit up. Yer' like... I guess like tha' mom or somethin'." Yumichika bristled, but Kenpachi conceded to say. "Hey, I don't mean the woman part, I just mean ya' fix shit like moms do. Ya' always know what ta' do."

Kenpachi then put a hand on the dejected Yumichika's shoulder. "Kidou, puh. Kidou doesn't hold interest for me, and if I'm not interested, _and_ suck at it, then what would be the point a' me tryin'? I could make myself learn ta' read better, but that would actually be useful ta' me. Forcin' myself ta' learn kidou, well fuck, I'd never use it, cause' I already like how I fight anyways."

Yumichika began to uncoil, scooting closer to his captain, as if he was considering hugging him or something. Kenpachi didn't know about that, but he didn't stop Yumichika from scootching up to his side and pressing the side of his face into his chest, shaking a tiny bit from stress. "C'mon now, if ya' cry, I'm gonna' hit ya'," he said awkwardly, "I swear I'll hit ya' if one fucking tear comes out."

"I thought I'd lose my family," Yumichika whispered, clenching his hands into fists. "I thought my soul was shameful. And that it would make me an outcast. Just because kidou came easy."

"It's just one'a those things," Kenpachi sighed, patting Yumichika's back a little more, looking up acrossed the room uncomfortably. It was different from comforting Yachiru when she cried. He could hold her and snuggle her and kill whatever upset her. With Yumichika, oh god, he felt _awful_. Yumichika didn't get upset like this, period. It made him want to decimate a city and wipe whatever bothered the prissy boy off the face of the earth. Except _he_ was partially to blame for Yumichika's suffering. So what could he do?

Kenpachi sighed again as Yumichika wiped at his eyes a little with his thumb. "Strong is strong, like love is love, and dead is fucking dead. Kidou er' gender er' how you kill someone don't matter fer' nothin'." Yumichika blinked a few times before nodding slowly.

Zaraki stood up, hauling Yumichika up with him. "I'll tell Ikkaku yer' perfectly fine." He grinned maniacally. "I didn't take a captain's exam, an' Yachiru an' I never went through the academy. Ikkaku an' you got yer' seats after a week a' being here, an' yer' both good enough to be captains."

Yumichika looked at him with desperation, clinging to every word, still hardly daring to believe it.

"You're not going to have me transferred?... I... I can stay?"

"You try ta' fuckin' leave and I'll kill ya', ya' stupid, prissy fuck." Yumichika began to nod, putting his hands over his mouth to try to control himself, to keep from crying. Kenpachi could sense it, which was bothersome, because he hardly ever could sense anything other than Yachiru's reiatsu. Yumichika must be feeling some _intense_ relief and happiness for him to be able to feel it.

"Every squad needs at least one kidou user, and Yumichika, even when yer' usin' kidou, yer' a fuckin' vicious bastard. We couldn't do without ya', so like every other idiot who has any sort of power in this stupid division, we'll make an exception for you."

Yumichika beamed, "Arigatou, Taichou." He sunk to one knee, bowing deeply.

"I never shoulda' made ya' feel unwelcome here, and I apologize... for it. I'm just tellin' ya', you're really valued here. An' if you're gonna' use kidou, then use kidou. If the squad's got a problem with it, just kick their asses until they don't. String em' up by their toes with that kidou shit if ya' want."

Yumichika seriously looked so excited that he was either going to throw up or cry, and Kenpachi wanted to get out of there before either thing happened, with his manliness intact. "Probably'll surprise the hell outta' the other squads when we compete against 'em fer' the games. Just make sure the kidou ya' use involve lots of explosions and blood. Gotta' uphold our 'extra vicious' reputation." Kenpachi grinned, that smile that he saved for Yachiru.

Yumichika beamed at him, smiled like the sun, and all those sappy emotions and stupid things Kenpachi had said were worth it.

"I'll be sure to, Taichou."

* * *

A piercing, rage-filled, and anguished scream cut through the battle, and everyone paused in their fighting for a moment.

Years ago, this would be a familiar thing. Madarame Ikkaku leaping in the air with a battle cry as he decimated the opposing forces. This time, it was not he who disrupted the atmosphere. No. Madarame Ikkaku was falling from where he had been flung into the cement wall, falling to his knees, then to his hands, then onto his face, blood gushing out of his wounds, bones cracking sickeningly. It was not he who struck fear into the enemy; it was his smaller, more attractive counterpart.

After a beat of silence, Yumichika lost all color in his face and stood deadly still. And then the teal colored reiatsu began to seep out of him in thick waves.

"RAAAAAAH-" Yumichika screamed, spiritual energy bowling outwards, driving even a few captains to their knees. In the end, it took the captains to restrain him - he didn't seem to recognize them in his rage, and had even attacked Unohana when she tried to approach Ikkaku's body.

Later, no one could really accurately describe how Ayasegawa had reacted to Ikkaku being brutalized so viciously and impersonally. He had become an animal, and they could only liken it to Hitsugaya's reaction to being tricked into stabbing Hinamori years ago.

* * *

When Ikkaku opened the door, he already knew something was wrong.

Yumichika loved to have a clean, but lived in house, and was always yelling at Ikkaku to pick up his things - His laundry, his sword, his hunting knives, his coin collection. He usually _did_ pick them up after Yumichika asked, always aiming to please, but he was still a little bit messy by nature. Yumichika seemed to actually appreciate his disorganization for some reason, even though he whined about it. Even so, Yumichika liked things to look nice- ahem, _beautiful._

So Ikkaku knew something was wrong right away, because today, Yumichika's things was strewn all over the floor.

There was a trail of his precious lotion bottles and combs and other shit all through the living room. The entire contents of the medicine cabinet seemed to be dumped out in the hallway, pill bottles and band aids gathering in the cracks. Other things were falling out of a bag that had been ripped open in a frantic manner. Maybe Yumichika had gotten a pimple and was upset over it? Probably not. Yumichika never did stuff like _this _when he was distressed over his appearance. Sure he got upset, but he didn't destroy the house. Something serious was wrong.

Ikkaku swallowed, creeping into the house.

There was an open compact on the couch, some of the powder falling out; other concealer bottles were lying near it. Pieces of Yumichika's uniform had been thrown onto the kitchen table. They were torn, but not dirty, which was strange. Had Yumichika been wounded? If he had been wounded on a mission, surely there would've been blood and dirt? A bad smell? Sweat smell? Hollow smell?

He picked them up and examined them. They smelled fine and there wasn't any dirt or blood. Just tears around the neck area of the uniform.

It was then he noticed the incredibly repressive silence in the house. Usually Yumichika hummed or sang when no one was home, or played soft music, or had something running - the heater, the blender, the washing machine. It was dead silent. Ikkaku's heart began to pound as he rushed down the hallway to their room.

Their bedroom door was open, which was odd in itself as well, and he peeked his head inside. The room was in shambles. Sheets piled over the edge of the bed and onto the floor, the mattress was crooked on the bedframe like someone had picked it up to look underneath it. The curtains were falling off the window, their books and sword cases were knocked off the shelves. The small, extra bathroom that they had connected to their bedroom had its door flung open wide. The dresser drawers were open and all the clothes had been rifled through. It was all very unsettling.

Yumichika was there sitting on the floor in the middle of it all, half dressed, frantically scrubbing at his face with powder. His back was bare and was turned to Ikkaku, and Yumichika seemed to be muttering to himself, not noticing that Ikkaku was there. That upset Ikkaku the most. Something must really be wrong for Yumichika to not be able to sense him.

"Yumichika?" Yumichika froze instantly, dropping whatever he was holding. He looked like he had been caught doing something bad. Ikkaku grew worried then, when Yumichika did not move or reply to him.

"Yumichika, answer me." He grabbed the oddly stiff Yumichika's shoulder and stood him up, turning him around-

Ikkaku gasped, eyes going wide, and he bit into his knuckles fiercely to stop himself from screaming. His face contorted in rage, and Yumichika seized his wrists, trying to keep him from losing control of himself.

"No, no, please, it was my fault, I got into a fight, it was my fault-" There was an enormous black eye on Yumichika's beautiful face, complete with swelling and dried blood, and another big bruise near his mouth; Choke marks on his neck, torn clothing.

This shouldn't bother Ikkaku. But it did. It was under his skin and was thriving. Sure, they got into scraps with division members often. It was common to have bruises and cuts in division eleven, but this was something else entirely. Any shinigami had the ability to kill - this, however, was malicious beating. Meant to cause pain. Someone had hurt his precious, his special, his _beautiful_-

Yumichika was black and blue. His sweetheart had been hurt. He'd failed to protect him.

Ikkaku began to moan into his hand, where he was biting so hard his knuckles were white, "Who fuckin' did this to you? I'm gonna' kill 'em."

"We fight for a living, Ikkaku, please calm down," Yumichika begged, and Ikkaku hated it, because even though that was logical thinking, in his mind, Yumichika was trying to protect the bastard that did this to him.

"This is different, damnit!" Ikkaku moved Yumichika's torn uniform off his chest. A hickey.

He roared in rage then, beginning to pace like a wild beast, fists clenching and unclenching. "Were you raped? Did someone… Did somebody… _hurt_… Hurt you?" he choked out in uncontrollable agony and anger.

Yumichika didn't reply, but began shaking his head frantically, trying to cover himself. Ikkaku kicked the wall.

Yumichika stood there, beginning to shake, swallowing hard. Ikkaku growled in frustration and started knocking things over in his rage. "Who fucking did it? Was it Hisagi? God damnit!"

When he didn't get an answer, he went up to Yumichika then, grabbing his chin, forcing him to look up at him, "Hisagi? Was it him? Did he?" He grew frustrated then, shaking Yumichika once, "Did he?!"

Yumichika turned away, clutching his chest, and Ikkaku snarled, and began punching the mattress over and over. He screamed into a pillow and kicked the bed a few times before noticing how much distress his tantrum was causing Yumichika. His sweetheart was almost in tears over his childish fit. God damnit, but he was so damn angry.

It wasn't like he hadn't seen Yumichika wounded before, but it was different when he was hurt by hollows. Someone had beat Yumichika viciously. He wanted to fucking murder someone.

Something dark was rising up within him.

Yumichika whimpered and began choking, hand over his mouth as he tried so hard not to cry. He collapsed to his knees.

Ikkaku ran up to Yumichika and tried to lift him under his armpits, but Yumichika had gone completely limp. "C'mere… C'mere sweets, get up." He hefted him up and clutched him to his chest, holding up his weight. "Sh, sh, sh, shhh." He held him and walked him in a little circle, stroking his hair, "I got ya'. No cryin'. What happened to you? I've gotta'... Who hurt you?"

Yumichika shook his head, clutching his arms, oddly stiff where he was held to his chest. Ikkaku felt Yumichika's eyes look up at him in fear, and an intense wave of dread overtook him.

He didn't sleep at all that night.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Moonlight Sonata – Mozart_

* * *

If Ikkaku was feeling particularly affectionate, which was funnily enough, _usually_, he got into the bath with Yumichika and sat behind him.

It was one of the things he enjoyed the most after a hard day of work, or a mission: Coming home and just relaxing in the bathtub talking, washing Yumichika's silky, dark hair.

He looked at Yumichika's cute little feet peeking out of the water at the end of the tub, and relaxed back into the water. Yumichika gave a sweet little sigh that melted his heart. He rested his back against Ikkaku's chest, dozing lightly as Ikkaku scrubbed his head with soap bubbles and all his other hair products.

Ikkaku's knees were poking out of the water, Yumichika's knees between his. Their skin looked so nice together, rugged tan and creamy white. Yumichika purred against him, stretching out his legs and wriggling his toes.

He loved that skin on skin feeling; it was the most comforting feeling in the world. After so long being lonely, yearning for a loving touch, this was heaven for Ikkaku.

He massaged Yumichika's scalp with his fingertips and tugged on the ends of his short hair. He regretfully remembered how long it had once been, but didn't say anything about it looking better before.

He didn't know why Yumichika had done it, but he knew that it had been a very hard thing for Yumichika to do, so he didn't tell him that he liked it better long. He just complimented him on his current appearance over and over, knowing that it made Yumichika feel better about doing it.

He liked Yumichika's short hair as well, but he wished he knew why he had cut it like that. Yumichika obviously hadn't wanted to.

Maybe someday he could convince him to grow it long again.

* * *

"Ey, calm down fukutaichou, just- AAAAHHH!"

"Let me go, Maki-Maki!"

Ikkaku groaned. Yumichika patted him on the shoulder, and snuggled closer to him in the bed, whispering that she would wear out soon. Yachiru's piercing shrills, and the rest of the loud voices of those who were awake, were going right through the walls of their quarters.

"Rrrrrgh… rrrgh… AAAAHH!" Ikkaku sat straight up in bed, holding his ears, "SHUT UP ALREADY, WE'RE TRYIN' TA' FUCKIN' SLEEP!"

"Dear, be quiet!" Yumichika frantically shushed Ikkaku, "Don't let Taichou know we're awake!"

"YACHIRU!" Ah, the captain. Always so discreet. "C'mere."

After a faint yelp from the little girl, a few doors slammed in tandem. "Lay down, pinkie," Yumichika heard the gentle tone in Zaraki's voice. They talked quietly for a few minutes and he knew this was Zaraki's attempt at reasoning with her. Yachiru began to cry and then she began to cry _and_ scream.

After a few minutes of endless sobbing and wailing of, "I want, Ikka-chu! I want Yumi!", something Yachiru hadn't called them since the Rukongai, their front door was busted open with a heavy kick, and Ikkaku rolled his eyes as they heard Zaraki stomping through their house with the bawling child.

He finally came to their bedroom, holding a sniffling Yachiru who was valiantly attempting to stop crying. Zaraki looked distinctly harassed, in a rumpled, grey, sleeping yukata, as he glanced at his two subordinates in their bed, Yumichika in his too-big pajama shirt, and Ikkaku in the pants that obviously went with Yumichika's shirt.

He gave them a once over but didn't say anything about Yumichika's bare legs or Ikkaku's bare chest.

Zaraki got right to the point, sounding extremely grateful that they had all known each other so long, and that he had kept them around. "I'll give ya' double your vacation time if ya' let her sleep in here tonight."

Ikkaku slapped his forehead and groaned, getting back into bed. It wasn't as if they had been interrupted from anything improper, but they were trying to get some rest on the first of their days-off.

Ikkaku started muttering about never being able to win. Kenpachi frowned doubtfully.

"If you were in the middle of somethin', you can have triple." Ikkaku blushed and shoved his head under a pillow.

"Taichou!" he wailed in embarrassment.

"No, no, Zaraki-Taichou, we weren't. Just sleeping."

Yumichika sighed and stood on his tiptoes to take the sniffling child from Zaraki's arms. Yachiru instantly clung to him, stroking Yumichika's hair with her little hands as she was carried to the bathroom.

"Thank you," Zaraki said begrudgingly, dark circles under his eyes. He trudged out of the house, and Ikkaku glared after him from under the blankets.

Yumichika chattered to the weeping Yachiru about how there were no monsters in Seireitei, and that she shouldn't be frightened because they would protect her even if something bad should happen. Yachiru wasn't usually scared of the dark, but sometimes she had horrible nightmares, something that had happened ever since she was a baby. It was something to do with her sword's power. She nodded a little bit, eyes red and wet.

Ikkaku watched them carefully as they were illuminated by the light of the bathroom.

Yumichika looked softer somehow, wearing the blue night shirt that was technically Ikkaku's. His hair was curled behind his ear on one side and was a little messy in the front, and without his feathers, his face looked surprisingly naked. His eyelashes were so long that they brushed his cheeks when he looked down at the hiccupping little girl, and his skin seemed to glow against the pale surroundings. He looked softer, and very, very beautiful, Ikkaku noted.

Back in the Rukongai, they had usually saddled Yumichika with taking care of Yachiru, while they looked for food and made fires and did other 'manly' stuff. Yumichika didn't complain, as Yachiru took a certain liking to him. He taught her manners, and reading, and what things not to put in her mouth. Ikkaku hadn't noticed it before, how kind and loving Yumichika looked, and he wondered if Yumichika looked at him the same way. He hoped so.

Yumichika shushed Yachiru as he removed her little nightshirt and wiped down her flushed and sweaty body. He washed her red face, and brushed her teeth with his own toothbrush, something Ikkaku never would've expected him to allow. He blew her nose, combed her hair for bed, and put her pajamas back on.

While Zaraki never would've allowed Yachiru to sleep in a bed with two men under any other circumstances, this wasn't quite the same situation, as they had all been taking care of her for years, and had often slept in a big pile back in the Rukongai. Kenpachi didn't think twice about letting them change her clothes or examine her for wounds after a battle, or letting her sleep in a bed with them. Yumichika and Ikkaku were a sort of exception.

Yachiru held out her arms for Yumichika to pick her back up, and she was moved back to the bed and set down on the end of the mattress. Yumichika climbed back into bed, creeping back over to Ikkaku who put his arms around him eagerly, sighing peacefully.

Yachiru crawled right up to them, as if to worm in between their faces. Alas, they were too closely intertwined for her to do such a thing, and she just crawled over their linked legs, and into the little hollow that was left between their stomachs, tight fit as it was. She settled on her back, and yawned.

"Goodnight, Dear." Yumichika whispered, using a free hand to card through her pink hair.

"Nighty-night, Yumi-chan… Night-night, Ikka-chu," she murmured to herself as she fell asleep. Yumichika smiled, and Ikkaku's heart ached a little and he didn't know why.

Ikkaku kissed Yumichika's brow gently, and his lover's eyes blinked open sleepily for a moment, and he smiled a little before falling completely asleep.

Ikkaku closed his eyes and just enjoyed the warmth that the two bodies provided.

* * *

_Captain, I know you don't care about me and Yumi's private stuff, so I won't go too inta detail. Just askin for a favor, man to man. Before ya say no, ya still owe me that solid, remember? Since Im gonna be gone for a whole month, I was just wonderin if ya could make sure Hisagi (Ninth division fukutaichou, Sex tattoo on his face) isn't comin ta visit Yumichika at all. Maybe ya could get Yachiru to chase him away? I know Yumichika's sparkliness has been freakin you out lately - which is dumb, because theirs nothing manly about bein creeped out by pretty stuff - but I still just was hopin ya'd maybe scare Hisagi away since I won't be there ta do it myself. Hes been givin Yumi that look again lately. Thanks a lot Taichou,_

_Sorry I called you dumb. _

いかく

* * *

"He's late. I _knew_ he'd be late." Yumichika mumbled to himself, putting the fresh custard taiyaki in the refrigerator. There was only one reason that Ikkaku would be late for their anniversary and custard taiyaki.

He was either hospitalized, or about to be.

* * *

"Yumi, I said _salmon_."

"..They were out of salmon, Ikkaku."

"But, _yours_ is salmon?"

"Ikkaku, I could've sworn you said you wante-"

"Wait, Renji! Ah, What are you doin', ACK, Stop, My arm doesn't bend that way! That HURTS! RENJI!"

"Take it _back_, I said! You ungrateful bastard! My God, here I am eating this shit commons food, and you're _whinin_'! TAKE IT BACK!"

"A warrior doesn't surrender under torture- AKH, Ok, Ok! I take it back!"

* * *

"Aaaannh?" Rangiku said loudly from the end of the road, and Yumichika cringed closer to Ikkaku, covering his ears in pain. Ikkaku tightened his arm around Yumichika, rubbing him soothingly. "What's the matter, Yumi-chan?"

"Shh-" Ikkaku held a finger to his mouth, "Yumichika's sick." Rangiku immediately looked sympathetic, and tossed Ikkaku's arm off of Yumichika, replacing it with her own. Yumichika leaned into her comforting bosom, sighing at the familiar scent of jasmine. Ikkaku looked distressed at this and hovered his hands over the two before just sighing and placing them in his lap.

Wasn't everyday he had to watch Yumichika smash his face into a woman's boobs. Maybe some other men would've found it hot, but he didn't like it one bit.

"Kawaisouuu, You look so beautiful today that I couldn't even tell." Yumichika smiled, mumbling that he felt better already. "Why don't you take the day off, Yumichika?"

Ikkaku spoke for Yumichika, who was sniffling and shivering violently, face pillowed on Rangiku's comforting chest. "He has ta' be at work today. Coverin' fer' the Captain. He had ta' take Yachiru to her physical at the Fourth." Yumichika nodded miserably, mumbling about paperwork and ugly, loud, idiotic subordinates.

"Want me to make you some soup?" Rangiku asked, and Yumichika shuddered a little. Soup was really the only edible thing that Rangiku could make, and she made it deliciously. Ikkaku made to say something but changed his mind, closing his mouth. Yumichika nodded pitifully.

Ikkaku leaned his face on one of his hands. He had been rather looking forward to taking care of Yumichika while he was sick and pathetic and weepy, but Rangiku liked to do that just as much, saying something about the 'old days'.

"Hey, I have the old days with 'im too," Ikkaku whined.

"Mine are older," She retorted, sticking out her tongue.

* * *

As tough as Ikkaku acted in public, if Yumichika were honest, he was the most ticklish man he'd ever met, and he had met quite a lot over the years.

In fact, a lot of the time, Yumichika had him laughing so hard, that he had to let up for fear that Ikkaku was choking or that he had stopped breathing for too long.

Ikkaku always panted afterwards like he had been running for hours, and pouted. He scowled, even though he had no reason to, because Yumichika never embarrassed him that way in public. The scowls often led to another onslaught of tickling.

After years of being together, Ikkaku often tried to run, or fight Yumichika off, usually by beating him with a towel or a pillow. This, of course, forced Yumichika to sit on Ikkaku's back and hold him down, knowing that Ikkaku would take the torture, not wanting to hurt him on accident by tossing him off.

Sometimes it led to snuggling, sometimes it led to kissing, but it always led to laughter.

And no matter how many times Ikkaku said 'no' or 'stop', Yumichika always tickled him at least once a day, because he knew that tomorrow Ikkaku might not come home from a mission and that he'd never hear that laughter again.

* * *

Renji cringed at the sound of glass breaking. Yumichika and Ikkaku seldom had serious fights, but when they did, they were just _horrible_.

"-stress-induced anxiety attacks, _Ikkaku_. I haven't had them since we first met. And don't pretend that you don't know why they came back. Unohana could even tell why, and it's not as if we masquerade our personal life all over."

"You make it sound like I don't have any fuckin' feelin's at all! It's not like I wanna' go and be apart from ya' in the living world for months at a time! I'm not completely reckless!"

"Well it's not as if you're trying very hard not to die, Ikkaku. I got _sick_ because of you. I _never_ get sick. _Look at me!_" Renji winced at the hysterical enraged tone that Yumichika's voice had taken. "I have _bags_ under my eyes. I look like a fucking zombie, Ikkaku, what have you done to me?! You are so _careless_!"

Renji's gut was clenching. If Yumichika was starting to swear, things were getting very bad indeed. "You don't care either way about what I do… with you… with you _fucking around_ up there, trying to get _killed_!"

Ikkaku gave a loud enraged shout, "Rrgh, Shut _up_, this is _not_ all my fault!" His voice was getting closer to the door.

"You are a _joke on humanity_, Ikkaku! Just run away then… you, you… you _coward_," Yumichika spat. For a moment, they were dead silent, and Renji knew that Ikkaku had probably gone pale.

"There is no way," He said softly, "That you are speaking," Ikkaku's voice built into a low growl, "To me."

Yumichika scoffed, and Renji could hear a cruel smile in his voice. "Hm. Running after me for so long, and now he's running away from me. What is the world coming to?"

"Che'. Who would chase you?" Yumichika ignored him, which Renji knew took a lot of self-control.

"_Run away then!_" They burst out into the hallway, and Renji could see the furious blush of shame and anger on Ikkaku's face.

"I am not a coward, Yumichika… Don't scowl like that, it's ugly." Yumichika's frown suddenly turned to shock and hurt, almost immediately turning back to anger. "I thought they taught you to smile pretty at the hooker bin." If Renji had thought Yumichika's eyes were wide before, he was dead wrong.

Yumichika gave an honest-to-god _hiss_, and spat right in Ikkaku's face, and by now Renji was backing down the hallway in alarm as Ikkaku wiped his eyes, nodding for a moment before he snapped. He roared, grabbing Yumichika by the hair in his fury.

"You fuckin' _stop_ that," Ikkaku said in a low dangerous voice. Yumichika was clutching his scalp, looking privately afraid for a moment, looking at the ground. "Fuckin' _spit_ on me? Ne?" Ikkaku shook him by the roots once. "Ne? Come on." Ikkaku shook him again, very roughly. "Huh? Like I'm some disgustin' _animal_?"

"Look at me!" Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika by the face with one hand, forcing him to look up at him. Chills went down Renji's spine, gut clenching tightly. Ikkaku was toeing a dangerous line, a line he could not come back from if he crossed over from fighting into abuse. Renji was getting ready to start forward and stop this before Ikkaku made a serious mistake.

Suddenly, Yumichika struck Ikkaku across the cheek, sharply so. The noise echoed in the hallway, seeming impossibly loud. Yumichika had Ikkaku by the throat, and the corridor was filled with ice-cold reiatsu. "Do _not_," Yumichika hissed, "… Beneath you? Am I? Like some cheap whore you can smack around?-" Yumichika cut himself off, face contorting with rage.

Ikkaku began scrabbling and straining against Yumichika's thin arms. Yumichika clenched his fist tighter around Ikkaku's neck, and Ikkaku choked and gasped. All the reiatsu was sucked back into Yumichika's body all at once, and he let Ikkaku go, looking shocked at what he had done.

Yumichika was panting and quivering all over, looking as helpless as he probably felt. "You… I don't know what… you're trying to prove…" Yumichika covered his eyes and stumbled away, crumpling with intense shame. "I'm not selfish or spoilt, Ikkaku. You know I only… You know I…" Yumichika voice cut off as he slumped against the wall. "-Because I _care_. I wish I didn't; It would save me so much heartache… but Damnit, I _do_."

Ikkaku clenched and unclenched his hands, looking down at them with numb eyes, as if he were contemplating how serious he had been in threatening Yumichika. He looked up at Renji for a moment with an expression that he could not decipher. And then he got up and started following after Yumichika.

* * *

_Soundtrack: Farewell – Rosie Thomas_

* * *

The sad smile that Yumichika gave Ikkaku right before pushing him backwards was something he'd never forget. That smile said everything in that one single moment, as he was impaled on the Arrancar's sword.

And as blood bubbled from Yumichika's lips, and as his eyes went dark, Ikkaku wished with all his might that he could return everything Yumichika had ever given him tenfold. He could think of only one way to do so, and he didn't hesitate for one moment.

He supposed his bankai wasn't meant to be a secret any longer, and let his rage burst through the floodgates.

* * *

After ten years of being in a relationship in Seireitei, ten whole years without an ounce of public affection, Ikkaku held out his hand to Yumichika with no fuss other than a 'Gimme yer' damn hand, a'ready…' He even laced their fingers together so that there would be no room for speculation.

After all, Ikkaku knew that his lover deserved it, because he'd been so patient through all those times Ikkaku almost up and died on him. And really, Ikkaku realized that he really doesn't care what other people think about them anymore, whether it's sissified to hold hands or not.

He felt stupid to have not done it sooner when he saw Yumichika smile, and try to discreetly wipe his eyes as they continued walking. Ikkaku could look like a softie in public once in a while, he supposed, no matter how damaging it was to his barbaric reputation.

True love doesn't happen every day after all.

* * *

Ikkaku was so wonderful. He was more than I ever could have hoped for. He loved me even though I had probably slept with as many men as he had fought. He loved me so; he adored me.

He looked at me and saw beauty no matter what I did.

Little did I know that that would someday be a problem.

I… Yes, I'm so very lonely without him. I still knew… that someday goodbye would come. And it broke my heart.

* * *

[Spotlight is dim. Kneeling figure is seen shaking and weeping alone]

Actor 1: (Garbled, indecipherable at times) Please stop doing this to me, you know how much I love you, I can't live- I can't, I can't.

[Spotlight switches off, and sounds of weeping are heard for a few moments]


End file.
